Why Can't You Just Be Nice?

[Darkforbid]

Aye, @columbus can occasionally show good cheer.
He isn't always a roiling cauldron of bile bent on making God cry.

Yes, he has bad days. Just like everyone else

 

[Revoltingest]

Yes, he has bad days. Just like everyone else

I prefer to think that he has the occasional good day.

 

[Stevicus]

Aye, @columbus can occasionally show good cheer.
He isn't always a roiling cauldron of bile bent on making God cry.

I always thought it was due to some Big Ten rivalry between the two of you. Indiana vs. Michigan - that sort of thing.

 

[Darkforbid]

I prefer to think that he has the occasional good day.

I hope your getting medication for that

 

[stvdv]

That is a stupid question.

That was not friendly. And even violates RF Rule #8 I think.
At least you could have said IMHO (in my humble opinion).

Once I was on a forum with all kinds of whizkids. Their first Rule was:
There are NO "stupid questions" (so feel free to ask anything). That felt very humble and respectful to me, esp. knowing they were very smart.

Obviously it didn't

Again your opinion about what I was thinking.

You had nothing to share

Again "in my humble opinion" is the way to go. This is a forum for God's sake. We never met except virtual and you make such a claim about me. That makes no sense.

You could have said "Why did you not shared it?"
But don't impose on me what I share

To say that anybody suddenly claiming understanding they won't share is most probably just lying.

If you phrase it like this, that's already better.

I am just very selective with what I share and to whom.

Maybe you never read RF Rules (took me a while before I discovered the link). If you read these you understand the above. Below quote comes from RF Rules #8
RF Rules

Stating opinions as a definitive matter of fact (i.e., without "I believe/feel/think" language, and/or without references) may be moderated as preaching.

 

[Revoltingest]

I always thought it was due to some Big Ten rivalry between the two of you. Indiana vs. Michigan - that sort of thing.

It's his being a conservative against my being a liberal.
Although.....Columbus (Ohio) is where Ohio State sits.
"Oh how I hate Ohio State"

 

[Revoltingest]

I hope your getting medication for that

I've upped my chocolate dosage.

 

[Stevicus]

It's his being a conservative against my being a liberal.
Although.....Columbus (Ohio) is where Ohio State sits.
"Oh how I hate Ohio State"

I've also heard they have a circle named after Columbus in NY.

There's also a Columbus, IN.

Not to mention Columbus, NM, which is where Pancho Villa carried out an infamous raid.

 

[Thief]

I'm sure some of you would have your bell rung for the lack of respect you display here if you displayed such in real life.

in my old neighborhood.....

a total stranger might approach
not say a word
and then slam a fist into your eye socket
hard enough to knock you down

it happened more than once
never took the fall
but damn near lost an eye for such things

no words
total stranger

kinda like......HI THERE....!!!!

 

[Revoltingest]

in my old neighborhood.....

a total stranger might approach
not say a word
and then slam a fist into your eye socket
hard enough to knock down

it happened more than once

no words
total stranger

kinda like......HI THERE....!!!!

I see that some of them have become posters here on RF.

 

[Thief]

damn Scots
they talk like poets and punch like one toooo

what a knee jerker

 

[Darkforbid]

I've upped my chocolate dosage.

Hey, you're supposed to leave a easy to make a stupid comment response

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

In the heat of debate, why do some of you feel the need to behave like a jerk or be disrespectful to get your point across?

I've been in heated debates, while I occasionally resort to sarcasm or snark either to get my point across or to inject humor, I do my best to maintain a level of respect for the person with which I'm engaged.

I wonder why others here struggle to do the same. Would you walk up to someone on the street and speak with someone the way you do here? I'm sure some of you would have your bell rung for the lack of respect you display here if you displayed such in real life.

Is it because you have a degree of anonymity here?

Does behaving like a jerk to others somehow make you feel better about yourself?

I hope I don't come across as a jerk too often, but I do see a couple of big differences between interactions in-person and online that change the dynamic so that I'm more willing to debate highly emotional topics line than in person:

- online, I know I can always leave the conversation. This isn't always the case in person.

- online, if I find myself too angry to communicate, I can step away from the thread and come back to it. In person in real time, I don't have this option.

- online, there's an audience, so my goal is often to persuade the others reading the thread, not the person I'm debating. In person, it's often a one-on-one situation. (And even online, I generally avoid debates with no audience, e.g. in PMs).

There are many highly-charged topics (e.g. the anti-choice movement, anti-LGBT beliefs and behaviours, proselytizing) where I find that a face-to-face argument will be unpleasant and pointless. I know from experience that when I'm confronted by anti-choice protesters in real life, it's so infuriating that a calm, rational exchange just isn't going to happen. In these cases, I know that my blood is up to the point that any interaction I have will end up as a shouting match at best and a physical altercation at worst.

... but I still see these topics as worth engaging with, so I do it online where I know that no matter what the other person says, I'm not going to end up punching them.

Even with the distance of the internet, though, these topics are still highly charged, and my anger - and sometimes outright contempt - is going to end up coming across to some degree.

At the same time, there's that audience. I often end up aiming more at convincing the audience that the position I'm arguing against is foolish instead of trying to convince the person I'm arguing against to change their mind.

In a one-on-one debate, with no audience, the debate generally ends when it becomes apparent that the other person can't be convinced. When you have an audience of people on the fence who are open to being convinced, there's a reason to keep going.

Also, when you get past that point when you're no longer trying to convince your opponent, the opponent's role in the interaction changes: instead of being a "sales prospect" to be convinced of your argument, your opponent becomes a "foil" to be used as a tool to convince others of your argument.

 

[Jim]

In the heat of debate, why do some of you feel the need to behave like a jerk or be disrespectful to get your point across?

I've been in heated debates, while I occasionally resort to sarcasm or snark either to get my point across or to inject humor, I do my best to maintain a level of respect for the person with which I'm engaged.

I wonder why others here struggle to do the same. Would you walk up to someone on the street and speak with someone the way you do here? I'm sure some of you would have your bell rung for the lack of respect you display here if you displayed such in real life.

Is it because you have a degree of anonymity here?

Does behaving like a jerk to others somehow make you feel better about yourself?

Most of it looks like virtue signaling to me, trying to look good to some other people, or to entertain them. People do get “like”s and sometimes even “winner”s for it.

 

[Revoltingest]

Hey, you're supposed to leave a easy to make a stupid comment response

I tried.

 

[Stevicus]

in my old neighborhood.....

a total stranger might approach
not say a word
and then slam a fist into your eye socket
hard enough to knock you down

it happened more than once
never took the fall
but damn near lost an eye for such things

no words
total stranger

kinda like......HI THERE....!!!!

I remember people like that in my old neighborhood, too. But I also came to realize that a lot of people were somewhat guarded and wary of people they didn't know. They think that somebody might be a Thief or something.

 

[Jim]

The funniest thing about people resorting to insults is that it discredits their own argument in the eyes of the person they are arguing with. So it is actually counter productive.

Not for what they’re doing it for. They aren’t doing it to convince the other person. They’re doing it to look good to some other people.

 

[Jim]

I can only speak for myself:

I'm immature, emotional, and impatient.

What, those are good qualities.

I didn’t see him saying that they aren’t.

 

[Revoltingest]

Not for what they’re doing it for. They aren’t doing it to convince the other person. They’re doing it to look good to some other people.

I've also heard to argument that people who hold wrong opinions must
be opposed with great fervor, including insult. To do less would be
appeasement...tolerating intolerance. They justify it by claiming honesty
& candor...telling it like it is. Hogwash, piffle, barsh & flimshaw!
(Pardon me French.) They aren't out to change minds...just lash out.
These people....well, let's just say that one must tread lightly around them.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

This isn't really what I'm talking about. I see nothing wrong with a heated debate tempered with a bit of sarcasm.

But there are those that resort to attacking someones character or write something with the intent to belittle. These are the sort of posts I'm talking about. Those who are simply behaving like jerks.

There are some topics where a person's stance on an issue reflects on their character.

There are also some topics where the other person's goal is to establish that their outlandish position deserves a "seat at the table" in reasonable discourse, so having a calm, respectful discussion with them on their topic actually concedes their point.