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Which is the Best Way to Pick a Spouse or Partner?

Discussion in 'Family and Personal Living' started by Sunstone, Feb 14, 2020.

  1. Sunstone

    Sunstone De Diablo Del Fora
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    If you only had two choices*, which would you PRIORITIZE:

    1) Picking your spouse or partner MAINLY from among those people who you are attracted to?

    2) Picking your spouse or partner MAINLY from among those people who are attracted to you?​

    What's your reasoning?

    Notice that you are being asked to declare which one of those you would prioritize. In other words, if you choose #1, that means you would first and foremost pick a partner based on who you were attracted to and only as a second place consideration choose one on the basis of their attraction to you. And if you choose #2, you would do the precise opposite.



    *Please resist the urge to bore everyone to death by taking the safe route of saying, "I would do both in equal measure." Everyone on earth knows that's the safest answer. But it's not even close to the most engaging answer. Dare to be interesting!


    ____________________________________
    And now, for some exquisite Japanese/Bolivian Fusion music....

     
  2. Polymath257

    Polymath257 Think & Care
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    I'd probably go for someone who was attracted to me, as long as I could tolerate them. It probably wouldn't take long before I'd find them attractive.
     
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  3. Ouroboros

    Ouroboros Coincidentia oppositorum
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    I don't dare pick one because my wife would kill me if I did.


    :D
     
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  4. Sunstone

    Sunstone De Diablo Del Fora
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    I agree with you.

    To clarify, I should have said "pick a partner from among those people who are attracted to you" So, there would be nothing stopping you from picking a partner you were attracted too as well. It's a question of priorities, not mutually exclusive choices. I need to edit the OP to better express that idea
     
  5. Sunstone

    Sunstone De Diablo Del Fora
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    On advantage of picking a partner mainly on the basis of your attraction to them is that you would most likely be quite passionate about them.
     
  6. Sunstone

    Sunstone De Diablo Del Fora
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    One advantage of picking a partner mainly on the basis of their attraction to you is that they would most likely be more solicitous of your well-being and happiness.
     
  7. bobhikes

    bobhikes Nowoligist
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    Flip a coin it will be as good as any other method as long as you both commit to the choice. The key to any relationship is commitment, there will be bad times, there will be hard times, there will be mistakes and both will be hurt. If you can't be committed to making the relationship work it will end in divorce or possibly worse.
     
  8. Stevicus

    Stevicus Veteran Member
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    I liked this scene from Diner where he tests his fiancee on her knowledge of football.

     
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  9. Sunstone

    Sunstone De Diablo Del Fora
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    "Flip a coin..."

    BORING!
     
  10. Howard Is

    Howard Is Lucky Mud

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    Be careful, you could be setting yourself up as bait for the narcissisterhood*. They know how to become the girl of your dreams. Speaking from experience.

    *I wish I could copyright that word :p
     
  11. Terry Sampson

    Terry Sampson ζει

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    If I had it all to do over again, I'd do the same thing I did all the other times: I'd pick someone I was attracted to. Why? Because: Other.jpg
    • I like, and always have liked, easy-going, flexible, and accommodating people ... as friends.
    • IMO, I am--RF opinions notwithstanding--easy-going, flexible, and accommodating.
      • Ergo, Options 3 and 4 are automatically excluded.
    • When considering another person as a potential spouse or long-term partner, I have never been drawn to someone who was also easy-going, flexible, and accommodating.
      • Ergo, Option 1 is automatically excluded.
    • Consequently, I am drawn to picky, inflexible, and uncooperative persons as spouse/long-term partner candidates.
    • Experience has shown me that my picky, inflexible, and uncooperative candidates are never seriously "attracted" to me.
    • I have been attracted to and been "rejected by" many picky, inflexible, and uncooperative women.
    • But when I was 32, I found one that I was attracted to who, after a couple of months, finally said, "What the hell ... "
    • We were a couple for two years before we married and will have been married 40 years this summer.
     
  12. Geoff-Allen

    Geoff-Allen Resident megalomaniac

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    I'll take the risk of being a little "boring" - or am I insightful - hard to be objective about your own opinions!

    Personally, I would ask whether "attraction" is just referring to physical attributes or whether personal characteristics are the main focus of your attraction.

    I would always go for someone who is kind & compassionate and they can look like the back of a bus if they have those qualities ..

    Forgive me if I have wandered away from the point!

    Wishing you all the best in your quest!
     
  13. Riders

    Riders Well-Known Member

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    I usually go for men who are attracted to me 55 years old and up hopefully 60 and up. I am going on a date tomorrow with a guy named Kris. Well, I'm sick so he's coming to my front porch to bring me soup. Anyways he is Indian I'm attracted to his accent as well as his looks. I think he's cute. He is old though not everyone would be attracted to him.
     
  14. Riders

    Riders Well-Known Member

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    I am a weird person, I also get attracted to body mannerisms, an example would be my date tomorrow on my porch new man friend, I like his accent and the way he talks. I also watch the way men walk and handle me when they touch me and also their clothes.
     
  15. Mock Turtle

    Mock Turtle Compassion, understanding, and tolerance.
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    But one might risk exploiting them for their attraction, whereas if the reverse was the case (being attracted to them) then at least one might be more honest and accommodating - so as to maintain their interest in one. Of course one might exploit them by other means - such as not being honest with them and doing what they wanted. Bit tricky either way, but overall I think I would prefer to always be attracted to them. I've had a few being attracted to me and it can feel stifling, but the relationships never got far enough for me to know if this would be so.
     
    #15 Mock Turtle, Feb 15, 2020
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2020
  16. Nowhere Man

    Nowhere Man Bompu Zen Man with a little bit of Bushido.

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    I remember me once lamating that I never got 'that' particular girl that I was absolutely head and heels over*.

    it just so happened that we were still in contact and we visited them after she got married to another man. After our visit, I went away grinning ear-to-ear and actually feeling a bit sorry for her husband.

    I dodged a bullet.

    I'd probably rather have the girl come to me, rather than the other way around were i still single in hindsight.

    Life is great teacher. *Grin*


    *Think of that song Jessie's girl.
     
  17. Amanaki

    Amanaki Zhen, Shan, Ren.

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    She picked me and not the other way around.
     
  18. Terrywoodenpic

    Terrywoodenpic Oldest Heretic

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    I suspect we all pick partners who are attracted to us in some way.
    were that not so. it would be difficult to get to first base.

    However I am always surprised how many people say that they had thought that their eventual partner was a right plonker when they first met.
    It seems that first impressions can be very wrong.
    Perhaps it is best to make "Some sort" of strong impression on first meeting. rather than a bland nothingness.

    It is usually the "take it or leave it" cad who gets the best pickings. Pretty girls are not used to being ignored.
     
    #18 Terrywoodenpic, Feb 15, 2020
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2020
  19. Terrywoodenpic

    Terrywoodenpic Oldest Heretic

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    Both when starting or finishing a relationship, it is always best to arrange for it to seem to be their idea.
    (Think about it.)
     
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  20. Guitar's Cry

    Guitar's Cry Verisimilitudinous

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    I picked my spouse through my attraction to her. It took her a little bit of time to be attracted to me. I wasn't quite her type way back then (long hair, blonde/blue eyes, outdoorsy type whereas she liked dark features and somewhat nerdy, techie types).
     
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