I'm sorry you find that disturbing -- but -- your problem.
I thought the laughing maniacally part made that clear (i.e., that it was my problem, and problem in the sense of mental instability).
Not sure I agree entirely.
That'll happen.
I"ve studied and used the SV, and I don't find that it differs dramatically in content. It does display a more dramatic departure in terms of contextual appeal, IMO than it does in its christological, soteriological or theological impact.
Biblical Studies and its various subfields or related disciplines have had an advantage over many other fields when it comes to things like translation for two reasons:
1) They started it. Not just translation, but critical analysis of languages, texts, history, etc. The many of the early work in philology came not from the comparative linguists linguists (e.g., Jones, Bopp, all the way to Brugmann) but from classical and biblical scholaras (Reisig, Haase, Heerdegen, Hey, and Hecht).
2) The polysemous nature of classical/biblical languages (in particular Greek) relative to modern languages (especially English) forced the early philologists/lexicologists to really search through texts trying to get a sense for the range of word meanging. When Bloomfield and then Chomsky arrived on scene, linguistics as the study of the nature of language (rather than historical linguistics or comparative linguistics) became a science seperated from the philosophy of language and more aligned with psychology in a way it never had. But linguists lacked the tools, or were just developing them, to really approach language as language rather than as the study of words or from a philosophical perspective. Thus for a while, classical philologists and biblical scholars had a better grasp of the nature of lexicography than did linguists (IMO).
However, what used to be an advantage has become a downside. Because linguistis have come a long way since the 40s and 50s. Most importantly, the majority of linguists and psychologists of language (cognitive psychologists) have increasingly recognized that langauge isn't seperated into lexicon, grammar, and phonology (a distinction which has dominated the various incarnations of generative linguists for half a century). The single most important development (from a translation/lexicography point of view) has been the study of idioms. Linguists spent so much time trying to develop all the rules (syntax) need to manipulate (transform, hence transformationalism) lexemes, but every rule had too many exceptions. The idea (or ideal) was that language had words (the meaning part) and then the rules which seperated correct combinations from incorrect. Naturally, there were links between the two (e.g., the fact that a transitive verb takes an object is a rule, but whether a verb is transitive is part of the lexical entry in the brain where that "word" is represented). It didn't work.
Fillmore, Lakoff, and Langacker (among others) independently developed a new approach to language, but it was Fillmore's 1988 paper (co-authored with Kay & O'Connor) which not only provided a connection between work done independently but also turned the approach to language upside down. Instead of viewing idioms as, well, idiomatic, Fillmore (with help) developed Construction Grammar. Instead of a lexicon distinct from syntax (a mental dictionary, as it were) they treated the basic unit of language as a "construction", which could be a word, or several, or even a sort of pseudo-grammatical rule (a schematic construction). For example, Fillmore & Kay later published their study "Grammatical Constructions and Linguistic Generalizations: The What's X Doing Y?" which showed there are not only plenty of "prefabs" (by and large, so-and-so,), verbs which had different meanings depending upon which preposition they were paired with ("take in" vs. "take up"), but also schematic constructions such as WXDY where there were not only idiomatic rules, but these rules weren't restricted to a very limited set of word combinations. "What's a girl life you doing in a place like this?"/"What's this fly doing in my soop?" or my favorite example of a schematic construction, the X-er, the Y-er: "the more money you invest, the more your return will be"/ "the higher you climb, the harder you fall"/"the greater the divide between two languages, the more difficult it is to translate them".
Constructions like WXDY or the X-er, the Y-er cannot be relegated to some lexicon, even if it is "enlarged" so that mental entries can include phrases (e.g., once upon a time, kith and kin, etc.). The X-er, the Y-er doesn't have any limit on the different words that can be governed by the "idiomatic" use of two comparative clauses + the definite article. However, it isn't a general enough "rule" to be part of the mental syntax (the comparative doesn't usually get connected to "the", and in fact the "the" that is in this construction is etymologically distinct from the definite article).
After various people realized that Langacker's schemas, Fillmore & Kay's constructions, not to mention Lakoff's work, all had this lexico-grammatical continuum, constructions became the basic form of approaching language for an ever increasing group of linguists (eventually, the framework they used, which isn't limited to constructions, became known as cognitive linguistics).
The reason this is problematic in classical and in biblical studies is because we are dictionary cultures and these two fields have been constructing lexicons for a few centuries. They are almost (maybe more) rooted in the idea of "words" being seperate from grammar thanks to centuries of practice than were the original generative linguists.
Of course, the SV is not unique in adopting a traditional approach to translation. But it is unique in the attempt to modernize. And therein lies the rub. Because once it is understood that translations are not mappings between lexicons but between constructions, and constructions within constructions (and constructions inheriting from constructions, and so on, as it is network or taxonomy), and that these constructions are context dependent in numerous ways (which gets into other aspects of cognitive linguistics), the idea that one can modernize and simplify by supplying an artificial context becomes far more implausible.
The other problem is that the very people who make the translations are perhaps among the most immune in some ways to the effect, as they don't rely on the translations at all. For them, the translation is already connected to the underlying constructions in the original texts, and because they can access and connect both, they cannot see what it is like from the point of view of someone who cannot. That is, they cannot approach their own translation as their only point of access to the text, and then compare this to being able to access it directly, nor can they disconnect the associations they've already made between the source and target langauges (which gets again into other aspects of cog. ling. as well as cognitive psychology, such as priming effects).
You would probably know offhand, as this is your field, but I can't recall the name of the scholar who said that whatever historical Jesus is uncovered/recovered/reconstructed using historical methods should be alien to us (rather than the numerous 19th century self-portraits). An 1st century individual from galilee should be alien to us because it is an alien culture and an alien time. This is at least as true when it comes to language. If a historical figure from antiquity should appear alien because they are indeed as foreign as one can get (not only being from a different "country" but from a different era), then should not a text? The more "native" (i.e., modernized and rendered into idiomatic English) a translation of a text like those of the NT become, the more they are ripped from the ways in which construction taxonomies were implemented which convey meaning in ways which depend not only on lexical semantics, or even on lexemes plus grammar, but upon the context in which the constructions are situated.
The point is that biblical scholars are good at a particular type of translation, as they have been doing it longer than anybody in the modern era. However, they are only now becoming more and more familiar with cognitive linguistics, cognitive anthropology, cognitive sociolinguistics, etc. Scholars like Louw, Christo van der Merwe, Ellen J. van Wolde, and a few others (and their students) are in the minority, and they aren't represented in the SV's translation panel.