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When People Misrepresent You

Quintessence

Consults with Trees
Staff member
Premium Member
I dealt with this a lot as a kid.

Responding to it at all was what adults called "behavioral problems" at the time. They weren't wrong.

I ended up being conditioned to simply not give a crap what other humans think as a general rule. I cannot control what other humans think. I can control the time and attention I give to trolls and bullies. And they deserve none until they learn some manners.
 

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
I don't struggle with misrepresentation too much. For the most part, people see there's something a bit odd about me to begin with, and they don't quite know what to think.

I was a part of a Unitarian Universalist church for a few years. That is probably the worst I've dealt with it. No matter what I said, or what I did, I was pegged to be some kind of misguided, yet gentle idiot who had trouble affording to feeding myself. (People seemed to think I was making up stories when I'd talk about the meals I was cooking.) Anyone without a fancy degree seemed to be treated this way; wasn't really the place for your average working class, apparently. Eventually, the fallback from that did a number on my self esteem worse than anything I encountered in high school... Thankfully, we left.
I think you suffer from being likeable, exotic, friendly, & inoffensive.
This can be overcome with counselling & practice.

BTW, is the old cliche true, ie, that the only time Jesus Christ
is mentioned at a Unitarian Church is when the janitor falls
down the stairs? (I married Mrs Revolt in one.)
 

PureX

Veteran Member
Sometimes people misunderstand what we think we are because we aren't what we think we are. We think our view is the "balanced" one, because it's ours, and we define what's "normal' according to ourselves.

The point is that we represent each other as if we were at the center of the 'picture'. So to one person you might be way off the side, and to another way down to the bottom, and to another near the middle. They aren't "mis-" representing you. They're just presenting you from their perspective.
 

Vinayaka

devotee
Premium Member
Yeah, kids generally are more accepting I've found. They haven't developed such stern views of how a person 'should' be. We taught a kids' class at that UU church, and found the kids(middle school/high schoolers) to be much more insightful, intelligent, and considerate than most of the adults in the building. It gave me a lot of hope for the future.

The trouble I had with the meals wasn't so much about vegetarianism, it was the fact that I didn't live off of ramen and frozen pizza. In their mind, low income meant eating junk food(and there were comments to this effect voiced several times). The reverand at the church once brought me expired thyme and basil, and with a smile told me "now you'll have some spices to experiment with!". I have a spice wrack my husband built for me that reaches the ceiling... and a spice cupboard, because that wouldn't hold them all, either...(we buy bagged frequently). There was just an unwillingness to accept something that didn't fit their worldviews.

We buy bagged too. Just because you're poor most certainly doesn't mean you have to eat poorly. Try dried bulk chick peas at an Indian store. Crazy cheap. But I get it how people, if they haven't been exposed, have silly ideas. Try saying, "I'm fasting." But I get similar stuff with Tamil culture too, because in that cuisine, white rice, salt, oil, white flour, and sugar, are all core ingredients, and I eat a bit of salt, and some oil, but won't touch the rest.

Haha ... don't get me going on food.
 

JustGeorge

Not As Much Fun As I Look
Staff member
Premium Member
I think you suffer from being likeable, exotic, friendly, & inoffensive.
This can be overcome with counselling & practice.

I have counselling appointments on Fridays. We're working on it.

BTW, is the old cliche true, ie, that the only time Jesus Christ
is mentioned at a Unitarian Church is when the janitor falls
down the stairs? (I married Mrs Revolt in one.)

I think there is a difference between the Unitarian Universalists and the Unitarians. I think the UUs are a merge of two movements, the other being Universalism.

Strangely, I found Jesus to be mentioned very frequently at the UU church, though typically in jest. They tell you whatever you want to hear to get you in the door and volunteering for stuff, but you find out very quickly that if you're not an atheist, you can't sit at the 'cool kids' table' during coffee hour, and you wind up being the butt of jokes a lot.

I'm alright with being the butt of a good joke, but most of these weren't very well thought out. I remember someone coming up with the motto of "which god is it you don't believe in", and me telling them I doubted the Goddess Milda existed, as she seemed a later construct to be added to the Baltic pantheon, and too much resembled a Greek deity, and those concepts didn't exist in that culture at that time... they didn't appreciate me trying to deflect from their self perceived cleverness


We buy bagged too. Just because you're poor most certainly doesn't mean you have to eat poorly. Try dried bulk chick peas at an Indian store. Crazy cheap. But I get it how people, if they haven't been exposed, have silly ideas. Try saying, "I'm fasting." But I get similar stuff with Tamil culture too, because in that cuisine, white rice, salt, oil, white flour, and sugar, are all core ingredients, and I eat a bit of salt, and some oil, but won't touch the rest.

Haha ... don't get me going on food.

It was actually being poor that made me learn how to cook. We struggled financially pretty badly at one point, and we couldn't have afforded pre made foods if we had wanted to. That's over now, but I found I really really enjoyed cooking.

I have an uncle I'm fairly close with(actually, my mother's uncle), and while he has no interest in religion for himself, he does listen to me talk about my own path with some interest. I remember telling him about fasting and Hinduism, and him telling me "I had a Hindu coworker I was good friends with when I was working; it seemed like that guy was fasting every other week!" I laughed and told him his insights were likely correct... I find most people don't question me on fasting, but always assume its weight related.

I love south Indian food... I do try to cut out some of the less healthy ingredients, and find it isn't hard. Not so with all cuisines, though. While I could happily make Indian food every day, I vary it to appeal to the tastes of the kids, who all like something different. Oldest doesn't really care for it, other than some of the cuisines from the Northeast corner.
 

Vinayaka

devotee
Premium Member
I love south Indian food... I do try to cut out some of the less healthy ingredients, and find it isn't hard. Not so with all cuisines, though. While I could happily make Indian food every day, I vary it to appeal to the tastes of the kids, who all like something different. Oldest doesn't really care for it, other than some of the cuisines from the Northeast corner.

Dosa is the new samosa. We always cook, never precooked fast junk. The only times we eat out are while travelling, and on the occasional special occasion, like maybe 3 times a year. Last year in Hawaii for 3 weeks we ate out once. The small place we rent there has a mini-kitchen.

Yes, being broke helped. I was at university for the first 3 years of our marriage. We eat brown, black, red rice, several dals, and a vegetable or 2 for rice and curry. I'm dieting right now so western chopped salads are lunch. Tons of dried basil, black pepper, garlic flakes, cider vinegar, and a smidgen of olive oil. There is so much healthy cheap food ... potatoes, pasta, dals, oatmeal ... and in summer we have the garden ... mostly kale and chard. I eat kale daily.
 

JustGeorge

Not As Much Fun As I Look
Staff member
Premium Member
Dosa is the new samosa. We always cook, never precooked fast junk. The only times we eat out are while travelling, and on the occasional special occasion, like maybe 3 times a year. Last year in Hawaii for 3 weeks we ate out once. The small place we rent there has a mini-kitchen.

Yes, being broke helped. I was at university for the first 3 years of our marriage. We eat brown, black, red rice, several dals, and a vegetable or 2 for rice and curry. I'm dieting right now so western chopped salads are lunch. Tons of dried basil, black pepper, garlic flakes, cider vinegar, and a smidgen of olive oil. There is so much healthy cheap food ... potatoes, pasta, dals, oatmeal ... and in summer we have the garden ... mostly kale and chard. I eat kale daily.

Oh, me and dosa... I cannot get the batter right. :( I suspect its too cold to properly ferment, and I lack a proper pan to cook it... I have tried a premade pack, and had some success with the dosa mix, but its not the same..

Your meals sound delicious. :)
 

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
No one here has done it, but let's be honest, even I have had someone say to me "you look and kind of talk like a Trump supporter," so the bar for this is incredibly low.
No kidding.
One might suspect that such an accusation might not
be made with total sincerity, but that cannot be said.
 

Fallen Prophet

Well-Known Member
Sometimes I've found that a few mischievous scamps will
claim something untrue about me. I know...it's unbelievable!
I'm sure that this has never happened to anyone else.
Or has it?

Once I designed heavy machinery for big manufacturing company.
A rumor circulated that I had no engineering degree. The horror!
Naturally, I had to put a stop to that.
So I informed all that I did indeed have a degree....in sociology
(which I don't). It worked like a charm. Rumors died.

On RF, some anti-Trumpers bristled at my balanced view of him,
eg, approving some policies, opposing others, neither hating nor
liking him. So they'd call me a "Trump supporter!". Convincing
them otherwise failed.
So I tried the old tactic of embracing the criticism. I changed my
signature to "Donald Trump 2024". Lo! There's been nary a peep
since. How can they insult one who embraces the insult, eh.

Fellow posters, I ask you....
What such mischaracterizations have you faced,
& how have you handled them?
It happens often and I just chalk to it to them being afraid. Of me, my ideas or something else.

Stupidity is rooted in fear.
 

Vinayaka

devotee
Premium Member
Oh, me and dosa... I cannot get the batter right. :( I suspect its too cold to properly ferment, and I lack a proper pan to cook it... I have tried a premade pack, and had some success with the dosa mix, but its not the same..

Your meals sound delicious. :)
Yeah, we can't make dosa around here either. I can make poor ones with besan, but they're too heavy. You need a large flat grill.
 

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
It happens often and I just chalk to it to them being afraid. Of me, my ideas or something else.

Stupidity is rooted in fear.
Speaking generally, ideas can indeed
cause unattractive emotional reactions.

Caution:
The rules sternly prohibit stating assumptions
about the temperament of others.
Tread lightly, & avoid comments to/about a poster.
 

ChristineM

"Be strong", I whispered to my coffee.
Premium Member
Misrepresented??? Tell me about it, perhaps the one thing that is sure to earn the culprit the wrath of my ignore list.
 

JustGeorge

Not As Much Fun As I Look
Staff member
Premium Member
To own the faux criticism is to take the wind from their sails.

I find the quickest way both to identify a bully is to see how they respond to you joining in their criticism of you.

If they've genuinely misunderstood you, they will often continue to try to get a grasp on what you're getting at. If they're a bully, they just shut up because you've disarmed them.
 
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