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When even going to the mall becomes a challenge...

Discussion in 'Journals' started by Seeker of White Light, Jan 15, 2022.

  1. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Veteran Member

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    This is a bit embaresing :oops:
    But to be able to go to the mall where I live i first have to take a train for 4 minutes, and then do my shopping as Quick as I can, especially if there are many people there.

    I woke up this morning and realized i had to go shopping :oops:. It does not sound scary to others to go shopping... i even used to love doing it too before. Now it is my personal hell :oops:
    So early in the morning i went down to the train station, luckely i was alone there, trainride went ok :)
    Then....my early morning plan to go shopping when nobody else was there went wrong :eek: groups of young people in the grocary store :oops: crap......i couldn't do it...i had to wait until they left then run in...do my shopping and get out.

    What will i do the day i can't take the train due to my fear of people :oops:
     
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  2. Ella S.

    Ella S. Vulcan

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    Hey, there's nothing here to be embarrassed about. I think it's brave that you're willing to be this open and vulnerable. That sounds like a rough time.
     
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  3. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Veteran Member

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    Thank you @Ella S.
    Being afraid of people is one of the worsed feelings, because I am fully aware others are not a danger to me, its a mental thing. One on one is not a problem for me, but if there are groups of 3 or more....:eek: then I begin to struggle.

    It can be that I do react stronger to those issues now when I going to treatment for anxiety:) but living alone is both a blessing and a curse.
    And if I stop trying to challenge my self on this, I have lost.
     
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  4. Ella S.

    Ella S. Vulcan

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    How is treatment going?
     
  5. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Veteran Member

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    I have just been there a few times yet, but I feel safe with my theraphist:) i go ones a week right now, but can call them if things get difficult:)
    I think they want me on a light medication, but I will know it next session:)
    The first six appointments are mostly to be able to set a correct diagnosis, after that the treatment will begin fully.

    So far social anxiety disorder and agoraphobia has been established as my issue
     
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  6. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
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    I know how your feel. It terrifies my brother in law. He got to the stage of discovering a 24 hour supermarket has very few customers between 2 and 4 am. So that's when he goes
     
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  7. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Veteran Member

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    Yes, morning or very late just before midnight is perfect time to shop :)

    Its a bit strange to be afraid of other people....and to those who do not know or understand. It is a honest fear of being close to others, or thought of being judged by others
     
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  8. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
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    Brother in law is schizophrenic and hears what he thinks is constantly verbal abuse when i know people are just chatting among themselves.
     
  9. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Veteran Member

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    I know to little about schizophrenia but I can imagine its not a good feeling for him
     
  10. Gargovic Malkav

    Gargovic Malkav Well-Known Member

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    Very relatable, finally someone else who knows what it's like.
    In my experience it can be hard to get others to understand because they try to rationalize it.
    But rationalizing doesn't necessarily take away the emotions.

    You said you used to love shopping.
    When did this change?
     
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  11. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Veteran Member

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    My love for public places, shopping, museum, Parks, and so on ended very quick after the bus accidant in 2015...so yes I have had these issues for a long time, but I have just fought through them and became worse and worse.
    And now its really difficult to see my life falling apart, like I can't work, can't go shopping as I used to do. Difficult meeting new people because they scare me.
     
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  12. Gargovic Malkav

    Gargovic Malkav Well-Known Member

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    Religion:
    I worship and believe in the One I see as the Source of Everything as a result of experience and faith. Label me as you see fit.
    Yes, I try to find a balance in this.
    I don't look it up all the time because it'll drive me crazy.
    Even when I don't feel scared and self-conscious around people (on some days I'm more stable than others), they still make me feel drained easily.

    However, when I always avoid such social situations, the "scary" people out there only become scarier.
    Prolonged isolation can also lead to developing an "isolated personal culture" and delusions, which can make dealing with others even harder.
     
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  13. Secret Chief

    Secret Chief Northern scum

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    How about online grocery shopping delivered to your door?
     
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  14. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Veteran Member

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    You hit the nail on the head....
    Personality i try to gently push my boundaries of what my comfort zone has become. Telling my self " the trainride is just 5 more minutes, or if I come to a place full of people, I do try to expose my self a tiny bit, then two things can happen. I get panic and get out, or i withstand for a few minutes.

    But when I get home i am so drained i fall asleep
     
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  15. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Veteran Member

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    I can do it, but if I close my self at home, refusing to face my fear it becomes worse. Tiny steps each day seems to work for me.
     
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  16. Secret Chief

    Secret Chief Northern scum

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    OK that's good. Just wanted to flag it up.
     
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  17. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Veteran Member

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    We do have this option where I live, and yes if I have times i just can't get out because of fear, then I will use it :)
     
  18. Gargovic Malkav

    Gargovic Malkav Well-Known Member

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    I'm curious on how the therapy is going to work out for you.
    Godspeed! :)
     
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  19. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Veteran Member

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    I am as curious as you :) i guess it will be a lot of cognitive therapy for me, it has worked well on other issues like when I was diagnosed with PTSD after the bus crash.
     
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  20. Ashoka

    Ashoka )0(

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    I'm so sorry that happened. *hug* You are brave to admit your fear. I get that way around the holidays here, our mall gets so crowded it makes me want to cry.
     
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