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When encouragement is toxic

Spiderman

Veteran Member
Do you ever find it toxic when people tell you things will get better and you will have a bright future, or great things, a great destiny is in store for you?

I know talk like that really damaged me in the past.
 

The Hammer

[REDACTED]
Premium Member
Do you ever find it toxic when people tell you things will get better and you will have a bright future, or great things, a great destiny is in store for you?

I know talk like that really damaged me in the past.

I don't think so. But depending on how it's approached, I could see how some may find it demeaning.

I particularly tell that to some people if they are having a hard time. Mostly because I have gone through the wringer and things have been improving in ways. Things will never be perfect. But improvement is possible.
 

Spiderman

Veteran Member
I know that when people told me id be great at something, they often could not have been more wrong.

I had people talk about how far I would go in college or a few years, and it was all a disaster.

I wish they would not have given me false hope.
 

VoidCat

Pronouns: he/him/they/them
Folks say it'll get better. But life is terrible now. What do I do about it? How do I approach it so it does get better instead of worse? Many folks in situations like mine end up turning to drugs. I instead turned to therapy. But say I did turn to drugs after getting sick and tired seeing no other way of escaping. Things could get worse real fast. If I did that things might never get better. I might just fall into a hole and never get out of it. That's just one example of how things could get worse. Things cant get better unless you move to make them better. At least that's how I see it.
 

The Hammer

[REDACTED]
Premium Member
Folks say it'll get better. But life is terrible now. What do I do about it? How do I approach it so it does get better instead of worse? Many folks in situations like mine end up turning to drugs. I instead turned to therapy. But say I did turn to drugs after getting sick and tired seeing no other way of escaping. Things could get worse real fast. If I did that things might never get better. I might just fall into a hole and never get out of it. That's just one example of how things could get worse. Things cant get better unless you move to make them better. At least that's how I see it.

You do have to work at it to get better. Group homes, individual therapy, group therapy, and religion can all have positive impacts on the feelings of control and optimism onehas over their life :)
 

Nakosis

Non-Binary Physicalist
Premium Member
Do you ever find it toxic when people tell you things will get better and you will have a bright future, or great things, a great destiny is in store for you?

I know talk like that really damaged me in the past.

Yeah... Uh, no.

I have no idea what that is like. I think I've come from a long line of pessimists.
 

Spiderman

Veteran Member
Folks say it'll get better. But life is terrible now. What do I do about it? How do I approach it so it does get better instead of worse? Many folks in situations like mine end up turning to drugs. I instead turned to therapy. But say I did turn to drugs after getting sick and tired seeing no other way of escaping. Things could get worse real fast. If I did that things might never get better. I might just fall into a hole and never get out of it. That's just one example of how things could get worse. Things cant get better unless you move to make them better. At least that's how I see it.
That's great that you don't turn to drugs. I'm sad to hear things are so difficult for you though. :(

The world is cruel and hard to live in , in my experience, and I just don't find happiness in anything but prayer and writing anymore, going for walks, helping people, visiting cathedrals, Capitol Hill, and places I find sacred.

I hope if I am good. Things will be good for me after my death.
 

JustGeorge

Not As Much Fun As I Look
Staff member
Premium Member
Do you ever find it toxic when people tell you things will get better and you will have a bright future, or great things, a great destiny is in store for you?

I know talk like that really damaged me in the past.

Yes!! I hated this!!

I think the reasons I hated it were a bit different, though. In school, I felt like people were always trying to 'empower' me. I got good grades, and it was expected I'd go on to college and have a career. No one would listen to what I wanted. "Oh, come on now! You'll have a great career! Make a lot of money, I'm sure!" When I'd say "I don't think so", everyone took it as lack of confidence(its impossible she wouldn't want this, right?) and pushed harder...

I have a hard time to this day with it... Do people love me for who I am, or who they think I could be? I still get pushed like this occasionally. It really killed my self esteem, because it made me feel I'm not likable as I am.
 

Spiderman

Veteran Member
Yes!! I hated this!!

I think the reasons I hated it were a bit different, though. In school, I felt like people were always trying to 'empower' me. I got good grades, and it was expected I'd go on to college and have a career. No one would listen to what I wanted. "Oh, come on now! You'll have a great career! Make a lot of money, I'm sure!" When I'd say "I don't think so", everyone took it as lack of confidence(its impossible she wouldn't want this, right?) and pushed harder...

I have a hard time to this day with it... Do people love me for who I am, or who they think I could be? I still get pushed like this occasionally. It really killed my self esteem, because it made me feel I'm not likable as I am.
Yeah,
That is extremely tough.

I liked you before I knew you got good grades or were talented and an overachiever. For what that's worth! :)
 

JustGeorge

Not As Much Fun As I Look
Staff member
Premium Member
Yeah,
That is extremely tough.

I liked you before I knew you got good grades or were talented and an overachiever. For what that's worth! :)

Thanks, friend!

Though I'm not an overachiever... the only reason I got good grades was I wanted to hurry up with my work so I could be done with it and have the rest of class time to read books and draw pictures!
 
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