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When a family member become chronic ill.

Discussion in 'Health & Healing' started by Amanaki, Aug 17, 2019.

  1. Amanaki

    Amanaki Well-Known Member

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    When someone in the near family gets chronical ill, life for the rest of the family changes a lot too.
    I know this well because i lost both my parents to cancer many years ago, but to experience chronic illness again and this time with my fianceè, that is a shock, but we just have to live on and do the best for her.
    My fianceè got psoriatic arthritis, and it is a slow-growing illness that will make her need to use Wheelchair for the rest of her life (not everyone who gets psoriatic arthritis will be affected this much) But we have seen the last year or so that her health been going down, so my responsibility as her future husband is to fully take care of her, but also have a fulltime job so we can earn money to survive.

    Are there others here who have experienced similar situations with loved once? any advice on how to manage the more difficult situation?

    (this thread is not about me (amanaki) I only ask to hope for some guidance
     
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  2. Lyndon

    Lyndon "Peace is the answer" quote: GOD, 2014
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    that sounds like true love!!
     
  3. sooda

    sooda Veteran Member
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    My beautiful daughter in law was diagnosed with RA 18 years ago. She's doing very well.
     
  4. Estro Felino

    Estro Felino Believer in free will
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    I am so sorry, I wish her all the best...she is so lucky to have you.:(
    :heart:

    Fiancée *
     
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  5. Amanaki

    Amanaki Well-Known Member

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    It is good to hear your daugher doing well :)
     
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  6. Amanaki

    Amanaki Well-Known Member

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    On behalf of her, she says thank you :)
    I can only do as much I am capable of :) I would say this is kind of how my life been since the early 90s when I had to start taking care of my parents :) But still it is different now :)
     
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  7. SalixIncendium

    SalixIncendium सच्चितानन्द
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    Sorry to hear about your fiancee's illness. I think you mentioned it another time in another thread.

    For me, my loved one took the priority over work, and I chose to close my business to spend time with her, but I was able to get by financially in doing so with the aid of charitable programs and donations.

    Here in the states, there are programs through hospitals for those that need to be with family and are unable to work, and even programs where a family member can be a paid caregiver, but I'm not sure if there is anything comparable in Norway. You might wish to check with her doctor to see if such programs are available for you.
     
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  8. Amanaki

    Amanaki Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for your answer:)
    Yes here too there is some help to get from Government in this situation we are in now :) My fianceè can apply for some Governmental help because of her health is not making her unable to work.
    So yes i think the economy will be ok
     
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  9. Brickjectivity

    Brickjectivity Veteran Member
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    Think of a few treats or surprises for times when your loved one could benefit from a distraction. Maybe its some food they like or a present that will distract them. Maybe they like you to quote poetry. Usually talking to them is enough or a smile, but its a good idea to find out what they can't ignore and be able to produce it when need is greatest -- when you don't know what to do. Give them a book by a favorite author, a video of a comedian or perhaps a picture of something they remember fondly. What makes them laugh? Have a box of surprises.
     
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  10. Amanaki

    Amanaki Well-Known Member

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    Thank you :)
    The strange thing is that my fianceè do say i do the right things for her, but i think i lack confidence in my self, so that is maybe something i need to work on :)
     
  11. metis

    metis aged ecumenical anthropologist

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    Last summer my sister got diagnosed with cancer, and because her kids live out of state, so my wife and I decided to leave our place in the U.P., which we ended up selling, so we could be with her. She passed away in December.

    Since I'm 74, I've lost a lot of friends and relatives, and yes the pain at first can be overbearing. But I program my mind to mostly focus on the good times we had together. I have given a couple of eulogies whereas I mention that and also tell the closest of kin and the friends that the deceased is in them, genetically and/or mentally, so they're not entirely gone.

    My wife and I also have taken in a relative if they need help, and now our "kids" do much the same. Loneliness is terrible, so one way or the other we needed to focus on giving them comfort so as not be left alone.
     
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  12. Amanaki

    Amanaki Well-Known Member

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    I am sorry to hear about your sister.
    Yes to lose someone so close in the family is a true pain, but we hope they have it better where they now are.
    Hope all will be well with you.
     
  13. shmogie

    shmogie Well-Known Member
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    I am truly sorry for the situation you find yourself in, and I cannot totally express my admiration at your attitude toward your fiancee.

    Being a caregiver is stressful, and you need to recognize that.

    My first wife died of cancer at age 35. She came home to die, and I only took care of her for about 10 weeks before she died, but it was totally exhausting.

    So, you will need to take care of yourself. As much rest as you can get, eat well, and don´t feel guilty with your occasional thoughts of frustration and even anger over the situation. You aren´t being unloving or disloyal to your intended.

    True love for your soulmate is unconditional. It exists at the same intensity no matter what occurs.

    It is also the most rewarding love there can be. It is worth whatever you must experience to have it.

    My best to you, and please feel free to PM me if you choose, I have had a little experience in trying to help others going through the rigors of serious illness, if nothing else I will listen very sympathetically.

    Peace to your intended, and you.
     
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  14. Amanaki

    Amanaki Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for the compassion you sending to my fiancee and to me. That does warm our hearts.
     
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  15. BSM1

    BSM1 Who's a good boy?

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    My wife developed Rheumatoid Arthritis a few years ago, and I had to care for her. At one point she was in a wheel chair just to get around. To me this wasn't a choice nor a chore, it was what I had to do. However, there are some miracle drugs out there that have allowed her live a normal life (even to the point of being the lead vocals of our little group). If your fiancee' is not going to a Rheumatologist then you need to get her to one as soon as possible. Most family doctors are not aware of the latest developments
     
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  16. Amanaki

    Amanaki Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for your reply :) My fianceè is waiting for the vist to the Rheumatolog and i do belive they will put her on medication and physiotherapy to help her muscle to not get stiff so early in her illness.
    The doctor we have now really understand her situation and given us a lot of information. But it is hard to see someone we love having this much pain, even she use painkillers.
     
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  17. sun rise

    sun rise "Let there be peace and love among all"
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    First, I'm sorry to hear about your fiancee.
    Perhaps. But if I were you, I'd do my best to act from the love you feel. Even if you are not doing the 100% best, she will at some level feel the love and that is the most important thing.

    To echo what others have said, there are hopefully social workers who can put you in touch with groups with people having similar situations. It can be very helpful to talk with others in real life about what you all are going through.
     
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  18. pcarl

    pcarl Well-Known Member

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    You might want to look into occupational therapy. There are things that can modify her environment that will support her independence as long as possible. The doctor should be able to plug you into the system so its not all out of pocket. I understand it is a joy to do for her, but the ability to do for oneself is also important.
     
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  19. Amanaki

    Amanaki Well-Known Member

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    Yes we are in contact with Occupational Therapy they say she will get a form of electric mobility scooter so she gets out when she wants, so she does not depend on me that much.
    We do have many options, but to choose the right way for her is sometimes a little tricky since her illness does not have just one way to act up. so we must take step by step i think :)
     
  20. BSM1

    BSM1 Who's a good boy?

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    I know exactly what you mean; I watched my wife suffer. It was to the point that I was afraid that she was going to ask me to help her end it all, but I was terrified that I was going to tell her no. Please get your fiancee' to those that can really helper her.
     
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