What we long for, we also fear

[Mark Dohle]

What we long for, we also fear

I live in the Sacrament of My love as I live in heaven, in a ceaseless state of intercession for all who believe in Me and come to Me with the weight of life’s burdens and sorrows. There is nothing that I will not do for the soul who approaches Me with confidence.

A Benedictine Monk. In Sinu Jesu: When Heart Speaks to Heart--
The Journal of a Priest at Prayer (Kindle Locations 3959-3961). Angelico Press. Kindle Edition.​

In a truly loving relationship, be it in marriage, or between friends, it is enriched when one is open and honest about his or her life’s journey, struggles, hopes, and failures. In doing so, the receiver is encouraged to respond also in trust and intimacy. This cannot be done unless vulnerability and what that means is embraced. Relationships cannot grow if this depth of openness is lacking. There are many levels in relationships. People can have a deep affection for another, but still not have a friendship of any real depth. Which is also something good in itself. Close acquaintances can also draw us outside of ourselves, and teach us to love, and trust, even if it is not as deep as it is with friendship. Real friendship is rare, and is probably one of the greatest gifts in this life. Yet it is not always easy to make that step.

Christ Jesus, is open, and honest, with mankind, in his desire to bring us to the Father, and to have a loving, trusting, relationship, with us. He tells us not to fear. Yet when reading the New Testament, this reality is often forgotten, overlooked, or downplayed because it is very difficult to understand such a love….even though I believe it is the deepest longing of the human heart.

Sin is an act of self-destruction, of becoming isolated, trapped, chained, and locked away in a self-imposed prison. This can be seen in the more obvious forms of addiction. It is ‘sin’ because it is an attempt to escape from life, but what one gets is only deeper pain and suffering. Hatred and contempt of others is often an attempt to not see the ‘enemies’ humanity, for when we actually see those around us as truly human, with deep interiors lives, many find it hard to actually box them in. Jesus could love all, because he saw deeply into others, and because of his deep empathy, probably suffered greatly for that…..yet he did seek to escape the reality of the hidden interiority of all that he met.

We are also sinned against. We can be chained by the wounds that we received from our parents, siblings, and friends, and yes enemies, that makes it very hard to believe in any kind of mercy, kindness, in our fellow human beings, or in fact that trust is even possible……sin brings forth bitter fruit.

Fear protects us, but we outgrow the need of fear, but often do not know it. The deep desire to be loved, is also the desire to be ‘seen’ in our totality, and loved, because the One who gazes on our soul knows and understands everything. There is no prerequisite to explain, but there is a need to have an open heart. Sometimes we can’t explain the ‘whys’ in our life, but we can expose our hearts in a trust, and let the light in so as to see everything. It is there already, the illumination, but unless we trust, we can be blind to that reality.

Humans understand punishment, judgment, rage, and rejection, all too well. So when we think of God, we want something we understand. So God becomes like us, just bigger, meaner, crueler, and unforgiving. Better to worship Zeus in a rage (this we can understand) than a God of Love, which is way beyond our comprehension. For love can’t be controlled, it is like a raging river seeking entrance into our hearts, seeking to wash away all that impedes that love.

If only many Christians would stop being so violently judgmental, something we are told not to do, perhaps then our faith would not be so hated and reviled. Jesus calls us all to conversion, to turn away from a life that only leads to eternal isolation from all that we truly long for. When we judge in a way that Jesus told us not to, it only pushes people further away.

I am grateful that God’s grace is always at work, and so even though we may fail in many ways, we still pray for all. In saying the Our Father, slowly, with attention, we can come to the realization that we are in fact praying for everyone, not just those whom we think are like us, or believe like us, but truly everyone. In that, many deep wounds are healed, for mercy goes both ways. In forgiving, we are forgiven. In showing compassion, we also experience compassion flowing back to us.—Br.MD