IHaveTheGift
U know who U R
I am at a place right now and could use some advice.
I am basically all alone, no friends or family, and the web is my life.
Will just jump right into my situation, (sorry for the huge post)
I once was invited to an Apostolic faith church, they were quite different than any other Church I ever been in.
Everyone shows up about an hour early, they all walk around, usually up at the alter, praying out loud and to themselves, speaking in tongues.
The lights are turned down low.
When the pastor is ready, he turns on the lights all the way, everyone makes it their seats, and church begins.
The band plays songs and such, everyone comes back up to the alter and dances and prays again.
Males on one side, females on the other.
The actual sermon can take on a vast array of directions.
The pastor talks to them as we do to our kids, scolding, advice, finger pointing, etc, he never mentions names, but you know who is talking about.
I didn't go back as I did not like how I was treated, they feel that if you are not an actual member, you are not an actual brother/sister, and an outside guest only.
Poison like.
Two years later or so, I was homeless, broken and and hooked on drugs.
I finally called my friend and he took me to the church again.
I gave over myself to Christ, instantly received the Holy Ghost, spoke in tongues, and felt so drunk that I couldn't even walk.
This happened while the band played, before the sermon even started.
Everyone took instant notice, and I became the theme of the whole sermon, the pastor did not even give an actual sermon, the band never stopped playing and this went on for about an hour or so, everyone dancing, talking to me, and such.
After the band finally stopped, the pastor gave a little speech about me, and that was the end of the sermon.
I felt bad for ruining the sermon and embarrassed about it.
The pastor told me that he lets God do as he wishes and God used me that day, I guess.
BTW, my drug addiction was gone instantly that day, and I never looked back.
Wow, God is good
So instead of being dropped off at my broken down van (where I slept)
My friend said that I could come to his house.
It turned out to be a mistake, he tried to turn me into his free live in slave of sorts.
A guy who owned a produce stand that went to the church, gave me a job.
He too, took complete advantage of me and my situation.
My friend wouldn't even take me to car lots to find a cheap car.
No one in the church would help me, help myself, it seemed.
Every time I asked for a ride to go car shopping, everyone was busy.
I did some painting for the pastor, at his very expensive house he just had built.
He paid me ok, cant complain.
The next day, my friend tried to make me do work for him, but I insisted that I wanted to go to a car lot.
I had paid him money by now, so it was not as if I was using him for a free couch to sleep on, but he still felt I was his free live in slave to do as he wished with me.
So I left, walked the few miles stopping at car lots, found a van, for $300, it was pretty rugged, it didn't even have a key, it was about to be junked, it was a repo, they had in the back and was using it for parts.
It ran, that is all I cared about.
The pastor was very mad about it, he said that his children do not make life choices like that without taking it to him first, they are forbidden.
I was to never do it again.
I stayed for a few more weeks, but slept in my van at the other guys produce stand, worked for him, and drove to the truck stop to shower for church.
Was offered to sleep in the spare room, the church uses for traveling preacher friends that come every so often, meaning I would have full access to the inside of the church at night, it was like a apartment built into the church, off to the side of the back of where the alter is, I declined.
I do not take advantage of anyone, and wanted them to know I was not there for that.
The produce guy, paid me less and less, wanted to pay me kids wages.
Work me from about 4am until nightime.
The church members treated me decently, as a brother now, though.
It also was perfectly clear that the Holy Ghost is very present in that Church.
I have yet to ever feel God presence as I did in that church.
It is indescribably wonderful.
Long story short, I ran into an exboss at the truckstop, left the church to travel out of town for side work.
Called the pastor and explained I would be back, in two weeks, he said I was no longer welcome back and hung up on me.
I called his son, and he did talk to me, but in a shunning manor and said that I took total advantage of them, used them, and hung up.
Trust me, I never took a dime from them, they never offered either.
When I got back into town, I ended up parking at the truckstop, and was pretty much stuck there for over a year.
I had almost no clothes, they were stole, ran out of money, but had bought a laptop, and made a few bucks online, which went on my paypal, and ate off that.
The truckstop was kind, and since I sat inside the Mcdonalds section, and used their wifi, to the public, I appeared like a truckdriver, so the management did not care.
I didn't ask anyone for money ever, so it helped them see I wasn't a homeless beggar.
I forgot to tell you that I was in a car accident 4 years back, hurt bad, and did not get medical attention, my back is completely wasted right now, as well as my neck, and left shoulder. (waiting on results to find out why)
I almost died from internal bleeding, from blowing out my stomach, from taking too many OTC pain meds, from the horrible pain in my back.
had to have emergency surgery while homeless at the truckstop.
After that, went back to the truckstop.
I found out that I could get foodstamps, got them, started going to a mental health place, my case worker got me in my apartment, which is government aided.
No income, but welfare, denied SSI, on meds, just had a huge hernia removed.
Just got a med card.
I live off $115 a month, which pays bills and leaves me broke, but I am content with that, I do not need anything.
I have a roof over my head and food in the fridge.
I junked the van though, it limped there.
Rents $18, electric $20, internet $30, cat food for my kitty, and shampoo/stuff for me, and I am broke, but content.
No clothes though, my previous case worker did take me to a place that helps with furniture, so I have some, got some from off the street, and every now and then, someone moving from building, will put up a sign by elevator, if they are giving away anything, got a couch that way.
I am not allowed back at they church, they are so scared of hell, that they do not even talk to sinners, which is what I am to them now.
When one of them would happen in the truckstop, they treated me like dirt.
The pastor and son included, I think they did it on purpose.
In a way, its best, they are too strict, too pushy and kind of like the WBC funeral protesters.
God is about love, not hate, right?
I pretty much lost all trust in people and stay to myself, tried seeing a new mental health doc, but they pushed drugs on me that made me worse.
So I stopped going, been a few weeks now, seem to be ok, very empty inside and lost though, zero real friends, cept for a few online people.
What do I do next, because I have no clue, dont even leave the apartment unless I am going to store, its getting to where, even then, I feel like I am going out into a jungle with lions tigers and bears, lol
Its horrible.
I don't even think I could walk into another church for a very long time, can not even bring myself to try.
Thanks for reading and thanks in advanced for any help I can get.
Again, sorry for the walls of text
God bless.
I am basically all alone, no friends or family, and the web is my life.
Will just jump right into my situation, (sorry for the huge post)
I once was invited to an Apostolic faith church, they were quite different than any other Church I ever been in.
Everyone shows up about an hour early, they all walk around, usually up at the alter, praying out loud and to themselves, speaking in tongues.
The lights are turned down low.
When the pastor is ready, he turns on the lights all the way, everyone makes it their seats, and church begins.
The band plays songs and such, everyone comes back up to the alter and dances and prays again.
Males on one side, females on the other.
The actual sermon can take on a vast array of directions.
The pastor talks to them as we do to our kids, scolding, advice, finger pointing, etc, he never mentions names, but you know who is talking about.
I didn't go back as I did not like how I was treated, they feel that if you are not an actual member, you are not an actual brother/sister, and an outside guest only.
Poison like.
Two years later or so, I was homeless, broken and and hooked on drugs.
I finally called my friend and he took me to the church again.
I gave over myself to Christ, instantly received the Holy Ghost, spoke in tongues, and felt so drunk that I couldn't even walk.
This happened while the band played, before the sermon even started.
Everyone took instant notice, and I became the theme of the whole sermon, the pastor did not even give an actual sermon, the band never stopped playing and this went on for about an hour or so, everyone dancing, talking to me, and such.
After the band finally stopped, the pastor gave a little speech about me, and that was the end of the sermon.
I felt bad for ruining the sermon and embarrassed about it.
The pastor told me that he lets God do as he wishes and God used me that day, I guess.
BTW, my drug addiction was gone instantly that day, and I never looked back.
Wow, God is good
So instead of being dropped off at my broken down van (where I slept)
My friend said that I could come to his house.
It turned out to be a mistake, he tried to turn me into his free live in slave of sorts.
A guy who owned a produce stand that went to the church, gave me a job.
He too, took complete advantage of me and my situation.
My friend wouldn't even take me to car lots to find a cheap car.
No one in the church would help me, help myself, it seemed.
Every time I asked for a ride to go car shopping, everyone was busy.
I did some painting for the pastor, at his very expensive house he just had built.
He paid me ok, cant complain.
The next day, my friend tried to make me do work for him, but I insisted that I wanted to go to a car lot.
I had paid him money by now, so it was not as if I was using him for a free couch to sleep on, but he still felt I was his free live in slave to do as he wished with me.
So I left, walked the few miles stopping at car lots, found a van, for $300, it was pretty rugged, it didn't even have a key, it was about to be junked, it was a repo, they had in the back and was using it for parts.
It ran, that is all I cared about.
The pastor was very mad about it, he said that his children do not make life choices like that without taking it to him first, they are forbidden.
I was to never do it again.
I stayed for a few more weeks, but slept in my van at the other guys produce stand, worked for him, and drove to the truck stop to shower for church.
Was offered to sleep in the spare room, the church uses for traveling preacher friends that come every so often, meaning I would have full access to the inside of the church at night, it was like a apartment built into the church, off to the side of the back of where the alter is, I declined.
I do not take advantage of anyone, and wanted them to know I was not there for that.
The produce guy, paid me less and less, wanted to pay me kids wages.
Work me from about 4am until nightime.
The church members treated me decently, as a brother now, though.
It also was perfectly clear that the Holy Ghost is very present in that Church.
I have yet to ever feel God presence as I did in that church.
It is indescribably wonderful.
Long story short, I ran into an exboss at the truckstop, left the church to travel out of town for side work.
Called the pastor and explained I would be back, in two weeks, he said I was no longer welcome back and hung up on me.
I called his son, and he did talk to me, but in a shunning manor and said that I took total advantage of them, used them, and hung up.
Trust me, I never took a dime from them, they never offered either.
When I got back into town, I ended up parking at the truckstop, and was pretty much stuck there for over a year.
I had almost no clothes, they were stole, ran out of money, but had bought a laptop, and made a few bucks online, which went on my paypal, and ate off that.
The truckstop was kind, and since I sat inside the Mcdonalds section, and used their wifi, to the public, I appeared like a truckdriver, so the management did not care.
I didn't ask anyone for money ever, so it helped them see I wasn't a homeless beggar.
I forgot to tell you that I was in a car accident 4 years back, hurt bad, and did not get medical attention, my back is completely wasted right now, as well as my neck, and left shoulder. (waiting on results to find out why)
I almost died from internal bleeding, from blowing out my stomach, from taking too many OTC pain meds, from the horrible pain in my back.
had to have emergency surgery while homeless at the truckstop.
After that, went back to the truckstop.
I found out that I could get foodstamps, got them, started going to a mental health place, my case worker got me in my apartment, which is government aided.
No income, but welfare, denied SSI, on meds, just had a huge hernia removed.
Just got a med card.
I live off $115 a month, which pays bills and leaves me broke, but I am content with that, I do not need anything.
I have a roof over my head and food in the fridge.
I junked the van though, it limped there.
Rents $18, electric $20, internet $30, cat food for my kitty, and shampoo/stuff for me, and I am broke, but content.
No clothes though, my previous case worker did take me to a place that helps with furniture, so I have some, got some from off the street, and every now and then, someone moving from building, will put up a sign by elevator, if they are giving away anything, got a couch that way.
I am not allowed back at they church, they are so scared of hell, that they do not even talk to sinners, which is what I am to them now.
When one of them would happen in the truckstop, they treated me like dirt.
The pastor and son included, I think they did it on purpose.
In a way, its best, they are too strict, too pushy and kind of like the WBC funeral protesters.
God is about love, not hate, right?
I pretty much lost all trust in people and stay to myself, tried seeing a new mental health doc, but they pushed drugs on me that made me worse.
So I stopped going, been a few weeks now, seem to be ok, very empty inside and lost though, zero real friends, cept for a few online people.
What do I do next, because I have no clue, dont even leave the apartment unless I am going to store, its getting to where, even then, I feel like I am going out into a jungle with lions tigers and bears, lol
Its horrible.
I don't even think I could walk into another church for a very long time, can not even bring myself to try.
Thanks for reading and thanks in advanced for any help I can get.
Again, sorry for the walls of text
God bless.
