It's a fact of life, red lines are drawn and this is what happens when they are crossed. Ukraine joining Nato means that missiles can and will be brought right up to the Russian border aimed at Moscow. No Russian leader would tolerate that and neither would an American leader tolerate missiles in Cuba or Mexico aimed at the US. It's the way things work on this planet.
Rape and murder happen as well. Is that just a "fact of life" that we should ethically dismiss? That is horrifying.
Missiles would not need to be brought "right up to the border" unless Russia was continuing to threaten Ukraine. Stop invading and threatening and respect Ukraine's borders and sovereignty, and hey, look at that, no missiles are needed.