What is Love?

[Jacob Samuelson]

This is probably as cliché as it comes, but as a being of limited emotional energy, relying more on the energies of my intellect beg an answer to what is Love? When would it be appropriate to say, "I love you" and truly truly mean it. Is it even possible to get there or do we just fake it until we make it?

Consider also conditional vs. unconditional love? Is it possible to have unconditional love and what would that look like in a relationship?

What is the difference between romantic love and other love if you remove sex and physical attraction?

And how is the definition of love changing, if any. Have we lost meaning or have we gained meaning by the standards of society (lgtbq, polyamorism, marriage) ?

Also is time important for love, or could I say I love people I just met?

How much of a persons personality do you need to love until you can say you love the entire person?

How important is physical attraction as the ingredient of love? How important is spiritual/intellectual attraction?

How can we be sure that we love someone? How can we be sure that we love ourselves?

How does love and marriage relate, if any? Does marriage restrict love or make it grow?

Please add any idea you want, you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't want to.

 

[Meow Mix]

Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more... (Real response coming, had to get that out of my system and/or beat anyone else to the punch)

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more... (Real response coming, had to get that out of my system and/or beat anyone else to the punch)

Haha. I was singing that song when I read the OP. Right on target.

 

[Jacob Samuelson]

Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more... (Real response coming, had to get that out of my system and/or beat anyone else to the punch)

I read your response and bobbed my head just a bit.

 

[Meow Mix]

This is probably as cliché as it comes, but as a being of limited emotional energy, relying more on the energies of my intellect beg an answer to what is Love? When would it be appropriate to say, "I love you" and truly truly mean it. Is it even possible to get there or do we just fake it until we make it?

Consider also conditional vs. unconditional love? Is it possible to have unconditional love and what would that look like in a relationship?

I want to say "yes, within reason." I have unconditional love for my dad, for my closest friends (my chosen family).

I say "unconditional within reason" because I know them so well that I just know there's nothing within range of their normal selves that would ever stop that: they could speak harshly to me in anger, they could forget to pick me up from an airport, they could steal from me if they were starving (if they somehow didn't think to just ask), etc., and I would still wholly love them.

But if someone got a head injury and became a Nazi or something, then yeah, I probably wouldn't love them the same way anymore. So, I think there are always conditions: it's just that we know people so well that we think those conditions would never be broken in our wildest, wildest dreams. So we call it "unconditional," and it's fair enough that we do.

What is the difference between romantic love and other love if you remove sex and physical attraction?

I don't think there is a difference. I think it's the same kind of love we have for family and chosen family, just with the addition of attraction; or at least the expectation of cohabitating forever (for asexual people out there that are not aromantic). I think when we have friends that are close enough, it is the same kind of love we have for a partner, just without attraction/sex. We want to know more about that person, and keep that person close, and want to see that person happy and successful. We cherish them, we'd die for them.

And how is the definition of love changing, if any. Have we lost meaning or have we gained meaning by the standards of society (lgtbq, polyamorism, marriage) ?

I think we've gained meaning. Homosexual romantic love is of the exact same nature as heterosexual romantic love. As for polyamory, I am not polyamorous but I think their ways are valid and I don't see anything fundamentally wrong about their claims to feel romantic love for more than one person. After all, I have felt romantic love for people in the past, and different kinds of romantic love for people in the present. I don't see how it might be impossible to feel that way about more than one person at a time, because every time, it feels different, unique: it doesn't detract from one to feel it for another. It's not a zero sum game.

Also is time important for love, or could I say I love people I just met?

I do think time is important for love. I don't think we love people we've just met, though we may become infatuated and interested in them.

How much of a persons personality do you need to love until you can say you love the entire person?

I'm not convinced we ever entirely know a person, because sometimes I don't know if I entirely even know myself.

How important is physical attraction as the ingredient of love? How important is spiritual/intellectual attraction?

I think this probably varies by person. I think both are important for romantic love, but personally, I'd place the intellectual attraction higher. I would probably need to feel some kind of physical attraction though.

How can we be sure that we love someone? How can we be sure that we love ourselves?

I don't know. I think it's just something we either introspect or we don't.

How does love and marriage relate, if any? Does marriage restrict love or make it grow?

Please add any idea you want, you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't want to.

I think this depends on the people in question.

 

[idea]

Fish love?
This is an honest take on it.

Religious beliefs who find connection with everything I think get the closest. For me, when our dead rotting body gives up the energy and information it once held, and that energy is mixed back into the fabric of the universe with everything else - that is the ultimate connection, becoming one, united with all. The drop realizing it is the ocean - to realize we are not separated, but connected is love.

 

[Jacob Samuelson]

Fish love?

"True love is a love of giving and not a love of receiving" Very good sentiment. How should I respond when you invest in someone that isn't invested in you: Is there a time when you give too much and are just taken advantage of?

 

[idea]

"True love is a love of giving and not a love of receiving" Very good sentiment. How should I respond when you invest in someone that isn't invested in you: Is there a time when you give too much and are just taken advantage of?

"If I give something to you, I've invested myself in you. Since self-love is a given, everybody loves themselves, now that part of me has become part of you, there is part of me in you that I love. "

Put your own air-mask on first, love others as you love yourself - have to love yourself.

When you get old like me, and it is not about physical attraction any more, and it is not about relying on anyone for anything anymore (support yourself, emotionally spiritually physically self-reliant), .... everyone has to learn to swim on their own before you can be equally yoked, see face to face and all that....

"Was it my own frantic need that slammed it in my face? The time when there is nothing at all in your soul except a cry for help may be just the time when [others] can’t give it: you are like the drowning man who can’t be helped because he clutches and grabs. Perhaps your own reiterated cries deafen you to the voice you hoped to hear." - Lewis

You only learn independence when left on your own... when everyone is independent, that is when the cool relationships start.

It is ok to let go, let others find the strength of their own legs. sometimes helping is not helping, everyone has to learn to help themselves.

By the end we all follow similar paths and learn similar lessons. By the end we see ourselves in everyone else at different stages of our lives, and come to love and understand all.

 

[AlexanderG]

This is probably as cliché as it comes, but as a being of limited emotional energy, relying more on the energies of my intellect beg an answer to what is Love? When would it be appropriate to say, "I love you" and truly truly mean it. Is it even possible to get there or do we just fake it until we make it?

Consider also conditional vs. unconditional love? Is it possible to have unconditional love and what would that look like in a relationship?

What is the difference between romantic love and other love if you remove sex and physical attraction?

And how is the definition of love changing, if any. Have we lost meaning or have we gained meaning by the standards of society (lgtbq, polyamorism, marriage) ?

Also is time important for love, or could I say I love people I just met?

How much of a persons personality do you need to love until you can say you love the entire person?

How important is physical attraction as the ingredient of love? How important is spiritual/intellectual attraction?

How can we be sure that we love someone? How can we be sure that we love ourselves?

How does love and marriage relate, if any? Does marriage restrict love or make it grow?

Please add any idea you want, you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't want to.

Love is an emotion caused by neurochemical activity in the brain. I think it's easy to equivocate about love, though, because it's really an umbrella category of emotions like infatuation, reverence, abiding respect and reliance, co-dependency, lust with admiration, etc.

I think love should be conditional. Otherwise it would become an opportunity for abuse, given our pragmatic limitations as human beings.

For the sex vs. platonic question, again I think it's a matter of love being a broad term that equivocates between many concepts. There are probably other human languages than English that use multiple different words to better describe these distinctions.

For most of history, marriage was not particularly related to love or even mutual respect in many cultures. I think it's an ideal in the modern age, in the West, but women were seen as property to be sold by fathers and owned by husbands for most of our human experience in most times and places. Women and marriage were a social currency, not a matter of love.

You ask a lot of questions about when we can justify calling our feelings for someone "love." In every case, I would point out that I don't think Christian or Mormon texts could justify feeling love for "god." Not only is the text vague and unreliable, but I don't see how a written description of someone can allow for love. Let alone the issue that no one can demonstrate that person actually exists, but instead people are encouraged to assume it blindly without evidence, relying only on social pressure and indoctrination. The natural human feelings of wonder, affection, and curiosity are co-opted and framed within a rigid cultural obligation.

 

[mangalavara]

When would it be appropriate to say, "I love you" and truly truly mean it.

I think it is appropriate to say ‘I love you’ when you understand that the person is a being who wants to be happy, and you empathize and sincerely want that person to be happy. In that case, I love you and all users on this forum!

What is the difference between romantic love and other love if you remove sex and physical attraction?

I believe love that is purest is empathetic good will.

 

[osgart]

Love goes beyond feelings, and selfishness I would say. It's when you care for someone no matter what happens. I see it as being about giving the truth that is deserved and needed.

For me it's not all sunshine and roses. It's the virtues through thick and thin. It's not about attachment, or physical attraction. When I love someone it's usually about the beauty that is at the heart of someone. That beauty comes from their inner qualities. When I know a person's inner qualities, I look beyond their faults and what they lack. I tend to love those who mean well without conditions.

But there is another kind of love. Tough love that genuinely cares for people who are not loveable. A love where there are no warm feelings, and no trust. Mercy, goes hand in hand with justice and repentance for those that haven't gone too far the wrong way. I make no final judgments, but I do make judgments there. I've had to be tough and merciful with certain people. And I have to draw lines with people who flirt with danger. There is a point where enough is enough. It can be reached very quickly, or over time. Mercy is not easy.

As for people I don't know, I just remain civil, and neutral. It doesn't hurt to be kind. It actually helps.

I don't see love through secular, or religious goggles. I take people individually.

I see that a lot of people never experience love in any substantive way. I make no assumption that everyone wants to be loved. I understand other people have their own versions of it. But I would never give up on my version, no far from that.

 

[sun rise]

Consider also conditional vs. unconditional love? Is it possible to have unconditional love and what would that look like in a relationship?

You are limiting love to 1 to 1 relationships not touching love of God, filial love, agape, friendship, love of art, love of animals especially pets, love of children. So I'll limit my answer accordingly.

Real love, the highest love, is when the other person becomes more important to you than you are to yourself. It has self-sacrifice as a key element. It also has acceptance of the other, even appreciation of all the other person's foibles and apparent

Does marriage restrict love or make it grow?

Depending on the people, marriage can be a great arena where romantic infatuation turns into real love. Since the relationship in marriage can bring a focus and intensification of most human problems, overcoming those to nurture love is both very hard and very wonderful for many.

 

[Spirit of Light]

"True love is a love of giving and not a love of receiving" Very good sentiment. How should I respond when you invest in someone that isn't invested in you: Is there a time when you give too much and are just taken advantage of?

For a person who no longer thinks of what others think of him/herself and the "need" to be loved by others, the feeling of "not receiving love back" is not there Because if a person can hold unconditional love within their heart no matter what, it does not matter what others think or feels toward this person, they will still feel unconditional love.

Unconditional means without gaining/expecting something back.
Expecting something back is the ego speaking from within the person.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more... (Real response coming, had to get that out of my system and/or beat anyone else to the punch)

You beat me to it!

 

[Shadow Wolf]

This is probably as cliché as it comes, but as a being of limited emotional energy, relying more on the energies of my intellect beg an answer to what is Love? When would it be appropriate to say, "I love you" and truly truly mean it. Is it even possible to get there or do we just fake it until we make it?

Consider also conditional vs. unconditional love? Is it possible to have unconditional love and what would that look like in a relationship?

What is the difference between romantic love and other love if you remove sex and physical attraction?

And how is the definition of love changing, if any. Have we lost meaning or have we gained meaning by the standards of society (lgtbq, polyamorism, marriage) ?

Also is time important for love, or could I say I love people I just met?

How much of a persons personality do you need to love until you can say you love the entire person?

How important is physical attraction as the ingredient of love? How important is spiritual/intellectual attraction?

How can we be sure that we love someone? How can we be sure that we love ourselves?

How does love and marriage relate, if any? Does marriage restrict love or make it grow?

Please add any idea you want, you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't want to.

There is more than one type of love, and I think English is poor for only having love.
There is a love that is of course romantic and sexual. But there is also the love for a friend or sibling, towards a parent or child. The Greeks also had concepts for love of humanity and love of god.

 

[idea]

That beauty comes from their inner qualities. When I know a person's inner qualities, I look beyond their faults and what they lack.

Seeing faults in others makes me more accepting of the faults within myself. I think unconditional love is actually loving the faults in others - not just look past them - but actually love their faults too.

A little salt in the soup is nice. I like honest salty people better than those who try to be perfect. Yin/Yang in everyone. Easy to love the good side of someone... more authentic if you can take the whole person, and not feel the need to change them.