It has been seven years since depression became a significant issue in my life. Since then, I have tried numerous treatments that include medication as well as CBT and meditation.
I'm sharing this in the hope that it might help someone in any way, or if not, maybe it could at least give them hope that some methods do have the potential to help out.
These are, in no particular order, the things that have helped me most, and while I learned some of them via doctors or meditation tutors, some actually came to me naturally after challenging experiences as sort of a survival/coping mechanism.
- Self-pity is a major trap that can lead to a self-perpetuating cycle of depression. You get depressed, engage in self-pity, and become more depressed or stay just as depressed because of that. In my opinion, those pesky Buddhists and Stoics were indeed onto something when they said that it was wise to observe events as they came without judging them.
Of course, since crappy events ranging from traffic jams and stubbing one's toe all the way to financial trouble and loss of friends are bound to affect us at one point or another, what I eventually taught myself to do--after literal years of struggling with self-pity and feelings of helplessness--was to view life as a series of challenges of different kinds that we simply don't choose. Someone's challenge could be a medical emergency in the U.S. when they don't have insurance. Another's could be the very accident of being born in a disordered, harsh third-world environment.
- Tying into the above, I have also learned that comparing oneself to others, be they more or less fortunate than oneself, is largely an exercise in futility and potential despair. Instead, measuring one's progress against one's own goals is a far more skillful and useful approach. Both "think of how fortunate you are compared to the millions who are starving!" and "why am I so unlucky and not as successful as the millions of rich people?" can be extremely destructive outlooks, albeit for different reasons.
- Bitterness, resentment, and holding long-term grudges hurt oneself more than they do anyone else. This is the main reason I gradually became detached from anti-religious communities and especially ones that are fixated on what they used to be rather than what they are in the present. It doesn't help. It doesn't solve any actual problems. It just creates baggage that you--and only you--have to constantly live with.
- Thinking of one's own problems as "worse" than everyone else's or downplaying others' problems to make oneself feel more uniquely struggling is a facet of self-pity that is particularly toxic, unhelpful, and inconsistent. It combines the worst aspects of self-pity and comparison of oneself to others in a way that simply leads to self-absorbed misery instead of helping anyone.
- This one was one of the hardest, but I can't emphasize enough how much easier it has made my life: there's rarely any need in everyday life to "prove" anyone wrong or prove one's opinions correct and others' mistaken. This is the main reason I barely engage in prolonged debates on this forum anymore.
In this age of "social" media and easy access to platforms that enable arguing with other people, it can be particularly easy to saddle oneself with the unnecessary stress of trying to show others how "wrong" they are or how awesome and rational one is. But it seldom achieves anything of value, wastes time and effort, and most importantly, it creates absolutely avoidable mental pain.
- Finally, I have come to believe that suffering in and of itself doesn't lead to wisdom. I know many happy people who are very reasonable and level-headed, and I also know depressed people who are among the most irrational, impulsive, and reckless individuals I have met. It mainly comes down to what you make of your experiences with your innate faculties of reason and wisdom rather than the experiences themselves being pleasant or painful.
This also dovetails with the earlier point about believing that one's problems are worse than everyone else's: they don't necessarily make the suffering person special, wise, or unique. They simply are. Because life said so.
If you have made it this far, thanks for reading! I will finish this by saying that learning the above things was by no means easy, so it's understandable that some people find it hard to implement these beliefs into their everyday lives. I just want to emphasize that I may well have not made it until now or been here at all if not for learning these things.
Happy Friday!
I'm sharing this in the hope that it might help someone in any way, or if not, maybe it could at least give them hope that some methods do have the potential to help out.
These are, in no particular order, the things that have helped me most, and while I learned some of them via doctors or meditation tutors, some actually came to me naturally after challenging experiences as sort of a survival/coping mechanism.
- Self-pity is a major trap that can lead to a self-perpetuating cycle of depression. You get depressed, engage in self-pity, and become more depressed or stay just as depressed because of that. In my opinion, those pesky Buddhists and Stoics were indeed onto something when they said that it was wise to observe events as they came without judging them.
Of course, since crappy events ranging from traffic jams and stubbing one's toe all the way to financial trouble and loss of friends are bound to affect us at one point or another, what I eventually taught myself to do--after literal years of struggling with self-pity and feelings of helplessness--was to view life as a series of challenges of different kinds that we simply don't choose. Someone's challenge could be a medical emergency in the U.S. when they don't have insurance. Another's could be the very accident of being born in a disordered, harsh third-world environment.
- Tying into the above, I have also learned that comparing oneself to others, be they more or less fortunate than oneself, is largely an exercise in futility and potential despair. Instead, measuring one's progress against one's own goals is a far more skillful and useful approach. Both "think of how fortunate you are compared to the millions who are starving!" and "why am I so unlucky and not as successful as the millions of rich people?" can be extremely destructive outlooks, albeit for different reasons.
- Bitterness, resentment, and holding long-term grudges hurt oneself more than they do anyone else. This is the main reason I gradually became detached from anti-religious communities and especially ones that are fixated on what they used to be rather than what they are in the present. It doesn't help. It doesn't solve any actual problems. It just creates baggage that you--and only you--have to constantly live with.
- Thinking of one's own problems as "worse" than everyone else's or downplaying others' problems to make oneself feel more uniquely struggling is a facet of self-pity that is particularly toxic, unhelpful, and inconsistent. It combines the worst aspects of self-pity and comparison of oneself to others in a way that simply leads to self-absorbed misery instead of helping anyone.
- This one was one of the hardest, but I can't emphasize enough how much easier it has made my life: there's rarely any need in everyday life to "prove" anyone wrong or prove one's opinions correct and others' mistaken. This is the main reason I barely engage in prolonged debates on this forum anymore.
In this age of "social" media and easy access to platforms that enable arguing with other people, it can be particularly easy to saddle oneself with the unnecessary stress of trying to show others how "wrong" they are or how awesome and rational one is. But it seldom achieves anything of value, wastes time and effort, and most importantly, it creates absolutely avoidable mental pain.
- Finally, I have come to believe that suffering in and of itself doesn't lead to wisdom. I know many happy people who are very reasonable and level-headed, and I also know depressed people who are among the most irrational, impulsive, and reckless individuals I have met. It mainly comes down to what you make of your experiences with your innate faculties of reason and wisdom rather than the experiences themselves being pleasant or painful.
This also dovetails with the earlier point about believing that one's problems are worse than everyone else's: they don't necessarily make the suffering person special, wise, or unique. They simply are. Because life said so.
If you have made it this far, thanks for reading! I will finish this by saying that learning the above things was by no means easy, so it's understandable that some people find it hard to implement these beliefs into their everyday lives. I just want to emphasize that I may well have not made it until now or been here at all if not for learning these things.
Happy Friday!
