What are your experiences with self-help like?

[Geoff-Allen]

I hope you are all feeling well. Hard to believe another year has passed ...

Just wondering if self-help has worked for any of my faithful readers?

I found a site that doesn't pull any punches and it may interest some of you.

I believe the site is called High Existence and turns up in a google search for the following -

Self help tips messing up your life

Any feed-back would be useful. Everyone's journey is unique and what might help one individual may not work
for another personality/character/beliefs ...

I suppose if you really wanted to, you could describe the Bible & other religious texts as self-help ... if they don't help you become a better person what use are they?

Anyway, enjoy your day and wishing you all the best!

 

[PureX]

Self-help groups, books, courses and the processes they recommend can be very helpful, or they can compound the problems they presume to help people solve. It's a VERY big category of human thought and effort, especially commercially; books, tapes, meetings, conferences, and so on. But they can be very useful, and they don't have to cost anyone much. A lot of it is common sense that just isn't that common to a lot of people. And so finding a book or tape or inexpensive course illuminating these common sense observations and responses can be very helpful.

The key, though, is not to spend a lot of money on this stuff, because common sense isn't that hard or expensive to find. And the other key is to understand that the information HAS TO BE APPLIED to be of any practical value. And that application needs to be tailored to the individual according to their needs, and their individual peculiarities. And that's where it can get tricky. One methodology may work wonders for some people, and be of no use at all to others. It depends of what problems they are trying to address, and how they tend to respond to difficulty, and change.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

At most, there will be maybe a few decent self help books in a sea of self help. Over 90% of it is anecdotal rubbish, widely believed myths, have little in regards to being evidenced based, and based on personal feelings and emotions. You're better off looking for the psychology section and getting books that have similar topics and related subjects (such as helping with depression and anxiety) written by those with credible degrees and valid experience in the field. The book written by a stay at home parent with no formal psychology education or experience is most likely best used as a coaster.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

lot of it is common sense that just isn't that common to a lot of people.

That's one of the issues with self help, and so much of life. We frequently see this "common sense" thingy, but it's utter rubbish, total nonsense, and only common to the one speaking and those with knowledge and experience on what is called "common." Really, it's pompous, self-righteous nonsense. And, of course, science has a well established of smashing and destroying what is thought to be common sense, and often doesn't support what gets labeled as common sense (think of Darwin's hesitations to publish the Origin of Species).

 

[PureX]

That's one of the issues with self help, and so much of life. We frequently see this "common sense" thingy, but it's utter rubbish, total nonsense, and only common to the one speaking and those with knowledge and experience on what is called "common." Really, it's pompous, self-righteous nonsense. And, of course, science has a well established of smashing and destroying what is thought to be common sense, and often doesn't support what gets labeled as common sense (think of Darwin's hesitations to publish the Origin of Species).

Here is some common, common sense "self-help" advice: if you can't drink responsibly, and you've tried many times, then you shouldn't drink at all.

If you continually eat too much (or not enough) of the wrong things even though you've tried many times not to, you're going to have to find some external means of control, because you have to eat, and if you don't eat right, it'll eventually kill you.

If you try to control the thoughts and actions of everyone around you, you will soon find yourself surrounded by weak and foolish people, or by no one at all. To change that, you have to get control of yourself: of your own fear and ego, because that's what's driving you to control everyone else.

If you've been seriously harmed by someone else, and you cannot find it in your heart to forgive them, the harm they've done to you will continue, within you. The only way to stop it is to forgive it, not for their sake, but for your own.

Which of these 'classic' common sense self-help advisories do you find to be "self-righteous, pompous, nonsense"; ... disproved by science?

 

[Shadow Wolf]

If you've been seriously harmed by someone else, and you cannot find it in your heart to forgive them, the harm they've done to you will continue, within you. The only way to stop it is to forgive it, not for their sake, but for your own.

Not really common or necessary. Just as well to avoid the person, which may be necessary in that situation. Beimg a door mat, however, helps no one and some people are not deserving of forgiveness (such as the unrepentant, no remorse, no regret, repeat offenders).

Here is some common, common sense "self-help" advice: if you can't drink responsibly, and you've tried many times, then you shouldn't drink at all.

And yet people don't always do that, its common they turn to the bottle for self medication (equally common, destructive, and unhealthy), and become addicts.

If you continually eat too much (or not enough) of the wrong things

Where is the nutrition education to teach this? It was common, after all, for people to criticize Michelle Obama's efforts into childhood fitness and nutrition.

If you try to control the thoughts and actions of everyone around you,

And yet we commonly have to inform amd remind people they cant do those things.

 

[Left Coast]

I hope you are all feeling well. Hard to believe another year has passed ...

Just wondering if self-help has worked for any of my faithful readers?

I found a site that doesn't pull any punches and it may interest some of you.

I believe the site is called High Existence and turns up in a google search for the following -

Self help tips messing up your life

Any feed-back would be useful. Everyone's journey is unique and what might help one individual may not work
for another personality/character/beliefs ...

I suppose if you really wanted to, you could describe the Bible & other religious texts as self-help ... if they don't help you become a better person what use are they?

Anyway, enjoy your day and wishing you all the best!

The best "self-help" book I ever read was "Mindset" by Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck. It was assigned by my therapist at the time. Her basic premise is that we often interpret our failures as signs of "who we are" in a way that's unchangeable ("I'm just not good at math/sports/my job/fill in the blank"). We assume when people are very good at something, it's a result of pure natural talent. However, many successful people initially failed miserably. They took those failures as opportunities for learning and growth so they could improve themselves. Dweck calls this a "growth mindset."

Anyway, I was a fan, check it out some time.

 

[Geoff-Allen]

The best "self-help" book I ever read was "Mindset" by Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck. It was assigned by my therapist at the time. Her basic premise is that we often interpret our failures as signs of "who we are" in a way that's unchangeable ("I'm just not good at math/sports/my job/fill in the blank"). We assume when people are very good at something, it's a result of pure natural talent. However, many successful people initially failed miserably. They took those failures as opportunities for learning and growth so they could improve themselves. Dweck calls this a "growth mindset."

Anyway, I was a fan, check it out some time.

Thanks for sharing. Had never heard of that book.

I find it hard to pick a favourite - maybe "The Lost Art of Compassion" by Lorne Ladner ...

Wishing you all the best!

 

[Shadow Wolf]

The best "self-help" book I ever read was "Mindset" by Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck. It was assigned by my therapist at the time. Her basic premise is that we often interpret our failures as signs of "who we are" in a way that's unchangeable ("I'm just not good at math/sports/my job/fill in the blank"). We assume when people are very good at something, it's a result of pure natural talent. However, many successful people initially failed miserably. They took those failures as opportunities for learning and growth so they could improve themselves. Dweck calls this a "growth mindset."

Anyway, I was a fan, check it out some time.

I haven't read that one, but Dweck is legit and the growth and fixed mindsets are taught in undergrad psychology. It's a wonderful recommendation for this thread.