Interesting question coming from you; now, you forced me to think.
I can't remember what I wrote in the past century I was here before, so...
My question is, how did you "try" to be an atheist?
If you believe in god, you can't take that away unless you did not believe in god since birth and had a revelation of some sort?
Maybe you mean when you went without god you had the worse time in your life?
I mean, if you went without your parent, that doesn't mean your parent doesn't exist. It just means once you found him or her, you have a different worldview than when wondering solo. Atheists do not have that "parent" and, in my case, wondering solo I've been doing that since birth [upbringing], so maybe you were agnostic?
One would say it's semantics, but like any topic, it's good to clarify terms. If you don't know there is a god or questioned it, it would probably be easier to come to god because it answers your questions of doubt. If you were an atheist, only two things I can think of happened, one you had a revelation [god came out of the sky and said hello, pun/no pun] and/or you searched for god and found out what you thought was true was not. You're no longer alone.
But other than that, what you're saying is quite confusing...
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On that note, I was never a theist. I tried and that experienced made me worse than how I am now. Since god doesn't exist, it would be a waste to really follow him as if he does. Though, many people do "just in case" as I was told by one Muslim.
Why do you believe what you do?
That's the thing. I have no pre-existing beliefs. So, that's asking, why do I not believe I can't be fluent in a language I was never exposed to.
1. Best term I can think of is ignorance.
I'm trying to think of something much more deep. Hm. Maybe the question is, why don't I believe what I do.
2. Lack of feeling and sensing a higher power in beauty.
Another is when I look outside my window and see beauty, I don't feel or think of a higher power. Any synonym for it in a personal interactive type of way just doesn't relate. I think about it every now and again since I've been online for a good amount of years. Without the internet and moving, I would never have looked into Christianity nonetheless read about it.
3. Abrahamic theists seem to be confused for me to figure out what they, as a unit, -believe- is true.
Probably because reading a few books on it and talking to people who represent theist beliefs, the Abrahamic kind, seem confused about what they believe in relation to their peers. There is no consensus of -what- god is.
So, that's asking why don't I believe in a stranger I never met. People are describing his or her [since I don't know] personality, looks, and even what his friends wrote about him, but that's about it. Then I think, if it's based on personal experience, since I don't have pre-existing knowledge, who would I attribute the cause of my experiences and why would it be one god over another?
4. Lack of cultural awareness and interaction.
I know nothing about Hinduism, I'm not Hindu. I know nothing about Bahai, I'm not Bahai. I know nothing about Paganism, I'm not Pagan. To me, I'd literally have to understand and be a part of these cultures from various traditions in order to experience and understand for myself what gods are and what they are not. Our religions are shaped and defined by the cultures and people who practice them.
That's why I like Jews, on a side note. They understand the difference between following god in a cultural sense and following god in a general sense in relation to their religious theologies and ethics.
I did the numbers bit so you can skim through them. But that's about it.
What do you mean by you're not an atheist anymore?
If god does not exist, the only way you may believe he does is if you searched for him and found him or there is some sort of revelation. Maybe you were lonely without god and now you're not?
I think some people are lonely without having a force or higher power to help take care of them. I wouldn't doubt that. For me personally, I haven't had preknowledge to feel I'm missing anything I haven't been around to begin with.
Hope this answered your question.