Alien826
No religious beliefs
I have not researched this but I am wondering if the continued desire in men is psychological rather than physical.
Of course if it is testosterone that keeps the desire going that would explain it at least in part.
I would say testosterone, though it's always difficult to rule out psychological effects. Men's testosterone levels stay higher for much longer than women's. And it's testosterone that drives women's desire too.
Of course there must be physical reasons why men still want to have sex but can't get an erection, and certain drugs are used to override that inability. What did men do before these drugs came on the market? I just don't know if this is a good idea to try to keep having sex after the body is saying no because of the natural process of aging. The same applies to women who go through menopause and no longer have hormones that are responsible for sexual desire.
Before the drugs? Put up with it.
I don't think ejaculation does any physical harm. ED is to do with muscular weakness (the muscles don't hold the blood in the penis sufficiently), and the causes of that are many, including underlying conditions and, yes, psychological issues like stress. I'm guessing that "use it or lose it" may apply, though that's just my thought.
From that article:
In two longitudinal studies (one spanning one year and one spanning four years), the researchers found that, on average, women’s levels of sexual desire were not only lower than men’s at the beginning of their marriages, but much more variable than men’s. Men’s levels of sexual desire stayed higher and more constant than women’s throughout the duration of both studies.
I guess I am not the norm because my level of sexual desire was much higher than my husband's when we got married and for years after that.
It's a fact that unmatched sexual desire can apply both ways. I've "known" women that I had to struggle to keep up with, though I tried, I tried!
It's the variability that upsets men most I think. We tend, other things being equal, to have pretty much the same level of desire from month to month and we don't understand why women are not the same.
I'll throw in a "psychological" factor. Despite all our macho and bluster, men are delicate creatures, and easily hurt. When you don't want sex with us we feel rejected.
From that article:
Furthermore, declines in women’s sexual desire predicted declining marital satisfaction for both members of the couple. Interestingly, although women’s sexual desire declined over time, couples’ sexual frequency did not, suggesting that women were likely to engage in sex even when they did not desire it.
I can understand why this might be the case, since men's hormones do not drop that much in middle and older age the way women's hormones do. I can understand why that might lead to marital dissatisfaction and even if the sex continues, as it is no fun having sex with someone who does not desire sex. I went through that early in my marriage although it did not take long for me to find a way to remedy that situation.
I'd love to know what you did to "remedy" it but I'm not asking as I may be getting too personal already ....
I was not suggesting "paying for it" with household chores. I think there should be a fair sharing of these chores without involving sex as a reward. Unfortunately, in my marriage there was not a fair sharing, so over time I became resentful and that is part of the reason I no longer wanted to have sex. My late husband was also angry at me whenever I asked him to do anything and I cannot feel love for someone who is angry at me. Even if I had wanted sex, I cannot separate sex from love, I can only do it in a loving relationship.
Yes, absolutely.
There's something called "love languages" which I have found to be true in a lot of cases. My primary language is "physical touch" (which is not exclusively sex), and the second is "words of affirmation". Talk to me in those languages and I'll purr like a kitten. My partner's is acts of service. The problem arises when both partners express love and expect it to be returned in their own language, and each doesn't "hear" the other because they are looking for a different expression of love.
A friend once confided in me about his marital problems. His wife had an affair because she felt starved of physical affection. She tried to explain why this had happened and said she didn't feel loved and he replied "But I put a new set of tires on your car".