Watching My Speech

[JustGeorge]

I've been thinking lately about putting a little more effort into watching what comes out of my mouth.

One of the biggest things I want to pay attention to is what point do my words have, and making sure that what I'm saying is worthwhile.

I'd like to point out that at this time, I'm not attempting to cut back on communication. I already feel fairly isolated, and I don't think further separating myself is healthy at this point in time. I just want to make sure that what I am communicating about is constructive or useful.

Any tips for changing, or becoming aware of speech patterns?

Any experience with this of your own?

 

[anna.]

I've been thinking lately about putting a little more effort into watching what comes out of my mouth.

One of the biggest things I want to pay attention to is what point do my words have, and making sure that what I'm saying is worthwhile.

Do you mean online, or irl, or both?

 

[JustGeorge]

Do you mean online, or irl, or both?

Both. Communication is communication.

 

[SomeRandom]

I've been thinking lately about putting a little more effort into watching what comes out of my mouth.

One of the biggest things I want to pay attention to is what point do my words have, and making sure that what I'm saying is worthwhile.

I'd like to point out that at this time, I'm not attempting to cut back on communication. I already feel fairly isolated, and I don't think further separating myself is healthy at this point in time. I just want to make sure that what I am communicating about is constructive or useful.

Any tips for changing, or becoming aware of speech patterns?

Any experience with this of your own?

I’m often a blithering idiot. Saying whatever pops into my dead alcohol soaked brain. But I will say, I think a good idea is try learning new words. By that I mean, finding different maybe even “fancier” ways of communicating your ideas or way of speaking livens discussions with friends and family. And gives opportunity for more discussions even.
Another way I think is to look for speech patterns that you have and don’t really like. And try to find other ways of speaking. Swapping out a word or using a different turn of phrase.
Lastly I think reading more books helps develop our own voice. Especially books from a variety of authors and topics. Find something you like and go exploring.
For me it was reading the works of Oscar Wilde way back when I was a dumb teen
I had found my snark idol and wished to emulate him. So I did. Poorly. But still

 

[JustGeorge]

I’m often a blithering idiot. Saying whatever pops into my dead alcohol soaked brain. But I will say, I think a good idea is try learning new words. By that I mean, finding different maybe even “fancier” ways of communicating your ideas or way of speaking livens discussions with friends and family. And gives opportunity for more discussions even.
Another way I think is to look for speech patterns that you have and don’t really like. And try to find other ways of speaking. Swapping out a word or using a different turn of phrase.
Lastly I think reading more books helps develop our own voice. Especially books from a variety of authors and topics. Find something you like and go exploring.
For me it was reading the works of Oscar Wilde way back when I was a dumb teen
I had found my snark idol and wished to emulate him. So I did. Poorly. But still

Hehe, I oughta get my oldest son in on this, too... though he did not often communicate as a toddler, he had a huge vocabulary the few times he did choose to speak. I remember being in a store once, and hearing someone say "did that baby just say..." Yes, the baby just said turpentine.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I just want to make sure that what I am communicating about is constructive or useful.

Sometimes--often times really--we talk about stuff of no economic or moral purity or "having to do something" value. But it does have a value in that even the "valueless talk" has value in connecting us with another person, even if it is just to acknowledge the presence of another.
Idle chit chat isn't really so idle when you consider all it does. It just doesn't achieve much if you have to have measurable results and a concrete goal and purpose of why it's happening.

 

[JustGeorge]

Sometimes--often times really--we talk about stuff of no economic or moral purity or "having to do something" value. But it does have a value in that even the "valueless talk" has value in connecting us with another person, even if it is just to acknowledge the presence of another.
Idle chit chat isn't really so idle when you consider all it does. It just doesn't achieve much if you have to have measurable results and a concrete goal and purpose of why it's happening.

I guess in this case, I am wanting to refrain from fruitless arguments or toxic discussion. Sometimes its hard to catch yourself going in, though. (Needless to say, I think I'll avoid politics.)

I agree with you that idle banter isn't valueless if it cheers one up, passes time positively, or builds a friendship. (On the flip side, if it makes one grumpy, makes time drag on, or destroys a friendship, it probably doesn't have value.)

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

One thing I've noticed in my evolution ( or lack thereof ) in forum posting is that my sense of humor is getting darker, but less targeted and more making fun of myself.

So in the past, I might have been like, "My daddy is stronger than your daddy."

Now it's more like, "If we eat too much pie, we will all die." Okay, maybe not always that bad, but you get the point.

I'm not sure this is something I set out to do, it's just more a mental transition I've been facing, and who knows, the fact my body and mind might be going through a lot of changes as part of added hormones, could play a factor in it too.

 

[Rival]

Judaism has whole books written about this. Maybe it would help to buy such a book from your faith tradition?

 

[JustGeorge]

Judaism has whole books written about this. Maybe it would help to buy such a book from your faith tradition?

I have seen much advice given within Hinduism on watching one's words, and even for fasting from speech altogether(although, like I said, I don't think this is appropriate for me at this time). Its the 'how do I get there' I'm struggling with.

Though it would be lovely if any of the Hindus on the forums have any recommendations for works on this topic!

 

[Vinayaka]

I have seen much advice given within Hinduism on watching one's words, and even for fasting from speech altogether(although, like I said, I don't think this is appropriate for me at this time). Its the 'how do I get there' I'm struggling with.

Though it would be lovely if any of the Hindus on the forums have any recommendations for works on this topic!

I try to use THINK (operative word being 'try')
T - True
H - Helpful
I - Inspiring, or Insightful
N - Necessary
K - Kind

It it's not one of those, maybe it shouldn't exit the mouth. My Guru uses THINK in his teachings, but he also acknowledges what He calls chit-chat, which is outside the THINK acronym, but not harmful in any way.

I don't have any works for you, but back when I taught, we'd have silent mornings in class. It's truly amazing how much your observation comes to the forefront when you don't talk. Same is true for this forum, if I only read, and not react. Boss and I occasionally go on silent walks.

 

[JustGeorge]

I try to use THINK (operative word being 'try')
T - True
H - Helpful
I - Inspiring, or Insightful
N - Necessary
K - Kind

It it's not one of those, maybe it shouldn't exit the mouth. My Guru uses THINK in his teachings, but he also acknowledges what He calls chit-chat, which is outside the THINK acronym, but not harmful in any way.

I don't have any works for you, but back when I taught, we'd have silent mornings in class. It's truly amazing how much your observation comes to the forefront when you don't talk. Same is true for this forum, if I only read, and not react. Boss and I occasionally go on silent walks.

That's helpful.

I think positive chit-chat might fall into THIK... It might not be necessary, but as long as the other four are in place, it shouldn't be problematic.

I believe you on the silence bit. I was painfully shy through childhood and early adulthood. It did give good insight... and in some cases, it was helpful for others, as I became a listening ear. Being able to stay silent(or in my case, being not able to not be mostly silent) sometimes encouraged people to say things they ordinarily might not. Oftentimes, I found people just wanted to share without judgement.

 

[Revoltingest]

I've been thinking lately about putting a little more effort into watching what comes out of my mouth.

One of the biggest things I want to pay attention to is what point do my words have, and making sure that what I'm saying is worthwhile.

I'd like to point out that at this time, I'm not attempting to cut back on communication. I already feel fairly isolated, and I don't think further separating myself is healthy at this point in time. I just want to make sure that what I am communicating about is constructive or useful.

Any tips for changing, or becoming aware of speech patterns?

Any experience with this of your own?

Your written communication seems fine...not verbose.
Some notice that I'm terse.
Some even complain I'm that terse.
It's cuz I've said all that I intended.

 

[Kenny]

I've been thinking lately about putting a little more effort into watching what comes out of my mouth.

One of the biggest things I want to pay attention to is what point do my words have, and making sure that what I'm saying is worthwhile.

I'd like to point out that at this time, I'm not attempting to cut back on communication. I already feel fairly isolated, and I don't think further separating myself is healthy at this point in time. I just want to make sure that what I am communicating about is constructive or useful.

Any tips for changing, or becoming aware of speech patterns?

Any experience with this of your own?

I think that is a great thing!!

Not that I am the model, but certainly words have either life or death. I think words are basically spiritual in nature with Jesus saying "The words that I speak, they are spirit and life".

So,, with our mouths (speech), we should always try to season it with grace and life to the hearer.

So sorry that you feel isolated... is it because of COVID?

 

[JustGeorge]

Your written communication seems fine...not verbose.
Some notice that I'm terse.
Some even complain I'm that terse.
It's cuz I've said all that I intended.

If you're terse, its gone over my head.

I think that is a great thing!!

Not that I am the model, but certainly words have either life or death. I think words are basically spiritual in nature with Jesus saying "The words that I speak, they are spirit and life".

So,, with our mouths (speech), we should always try to season it with grace and life to the hearer.

So sorry that you feel isolated... is it because of COVID?

That's a good thing to strive for.

Nah, my isolation doesn't come from Covid. I was isolated before, and I'll likely be isolated after. I suspect it comes from being in the wrong place. Not much I can do about it right now, though, so I may as well learn to grin and bare it.

 

[Brickjectivity]

One thing I try to do when I make a mistake is to say to myself "Next time I'll do better." instead of saying "I messed up."

I get this idea from a book I have encountered, but I no longer remember its title. There are other books like it though. The idea is to take things we say which are negative and automatic and to reshape them to be more creative and positive.

For example if I am in a habit of saying "I'm such an idiot" I can take an effort to change this into "I will do better." You can make a list of negative things you say and reassign them to be spoken differently -- like a chart. When you say something negative put it on the chalkboard or whiteboard and try to think of something cool to say instead.

I don't remember where I read this but the words 'end', 'no' and 'fail' can be read as the following acrostics:
E.N.D. = "effort never dies"
N.O. = "next opportunity"
F.A.I.L. = "first attempt in learning"

I still haven't had an opportunity to use them, but maybe you will like them.

 

[JustGeorge]

One thing I try to do when I make a mistake is to say to myself "Next time I'll do better." instead of saying "I messed up."

I get this idea from a book I have encountered, but I no longer remember its title. There are other books like it though. The idea is to take things we say which are negative and automatic and to reshape them to be more creative and positive.

For example if I am in a habit of saying "I'm such an idiot" I can take an effort to change this into "I will do better." You can make a list of negative things you say and reassign them to be spoken differently -- like a chart. When you say something negative put it on the chalkboard or whiteboard and try to think of something cool to say instead.

I don't remember where I read this but the words 'end', 'no' and 'fail' can be read as the following acrostics:
E.N.D. = "effort never dies"
N.O. = "next opportunity"
F.A.I.L. = "first attempt in learning"

I still haven't had an opportunity to use them, but maybe you will like them.

That's an awesome and more compassionate way of correcting oneself.

 

[SigurdReginson]

Hmmm... I think what might be more useful than saying something poignant is instead to say something that draws out new information. Sometimes saying something one might consider provocative or even thoughtless can produce more information than you'd initially think. Playing coy seems to work well in this regard. It tends to build frustration, and often times this can tempt folks into lowering their better judgement so they can more easily be freed of their true, unfettered thoughts on a given matter.

 

[Vinayaka]

The other factor in communication that some folks miss is the listening one. How can we become better listeners? Firstly, I think it's important to not think about your response, or how to word it, while you're listening. I find good listeners often pause before they respond. That's an indicator that they listened. That pause is the time they take to formulate their words for an astute response.

 

[SalixIncendium]

I've been thinking lately about putting a little more effort into watching what comes out of my mouth.

One of the biggest things I want to pay attention to is what point do my words have, and making sure that what I'm saying is worthwhile.

I'd like to point out that at this time, I'm not attempting to cut back on communication. I already feel fairly isolated, and I don't think further separating myself is healthy at this point in time. I just want to make sure that what I am communicating about is constructive or useful.

Any tips for changing, or becoming aware of speech patterns?

Any experience with this of your own?

I don't talk much. I tend to be a listener. A "people watcher" for lack of a better term.

I usually speak when spoken to. Otherwise, I watch/listen to what's going on around me.

Unless I think I can contribute something that will likely bring laughter. Then all bets are off.

I kinda live by the Plato quote. "A wise person speak when they have something to say. A fool, because they have to say something."