Want advice

[VoidCat]

So the group home thinks im too independent to live there. That's fine. I wasn't planning on staying permanently anyway. My plan was to always strive towards eventually living on my own. But now I got options. My first option is to move out completely on my own without any day to day support helping me learn independence. This is not the option imma take. The reason being is i dont feel confident yet that I could live on my own without some support. My next option is moving in with a friend of mine. This was the original plan. Interestingly I've had at least 10 folk be like yo you can move in with me if you want to live outside the group home. I've ruled out most of them cuz either I dont know them well enough or they don't live close enough to my twin sister(some even live in another state!). But I have at least 3 people I'd be comfortable moving in with. My third option is to wait until December. The group home will change my goals and I'll be working towards being in a program where I live in an apartment on my own or with a roommate and there's staff that come by to check on me to make sure im taking care of myself and helping me learn life skills. I'll have a ton more independence with that.

I've lately been weighing the pros and cons of option two and three. With option two I'd likely have more independence. But I don't know if im ready for that.

My question is this: what are some things I should consider when weighing option two and three? What are some pros and cons of living with a roommate? What are some things i need to consider when it comes to learning to live on my own? Could I learn how to be more self reliant well enough from a roommate or do y'all think it'd be better to go through a program that specializes in that kind of thing?

 

[JustGeorge]

I've lately been weighing the pros and cons of option two and three. With option two I'd likely have more independence. But I don't know if im ready for that.

I'm leaning towards option 3, based off of this statement here.

Wait until December, I feel. You will be taught independent living skills by people who's job it is to do it.

Roommates can teach skills, too. But they're not as neutral as a third party who comes in to do it. For them, teaching you is their job. For a roommate, they will be with you 24/7. They may try to be neutral, but may not be able to. They will have their own set of complex feelings and needs. They've also not been trained to teach these skills. There may be things that they will miss, or not understand, that you will need to learn.

Also, living with people is a skill unto itself. They throw all kinds of unexpected scenarios(both wonderful and not so great)into the equation. Best to learn without these distractions initially.

 

[Rival]

Sometimes jumping in at the deep end helps you learn to swim faster. The issue is that most folks have parental help etc. which is not available to you. Option 3 sounds good, but beware that often people have their ways of doing things and their ways of doing things might not be your ways. Necessity is the mother of invention. I am also going to be independent soon at uni and will be living with flatmates, so I would go option 3. Just be aware to assert yourself if someone is all about doing things his way.

 

[VoidCat]

I'm leaning towards option 3, based off of this statement here.

Wait until December, I feel. You will be taught independent living skills by people who's job it is to do it.

Roommates can teach skills, too. But they're not as neutral as a third party who comes in to do it. For them, teaching you is their job. For a roommate, they will be with you 24/7. They may try to be neutral, but may not be able to. They will have their own set of complex feelings and needs. They've also not been trained to teach these skills. There may be things that they will miss, or not understand, that you will need to learn.

Also, living with people is a skill unto itself. They throw all kinds of unexpected scenarios(both wonderful and not so great)into the equation. Best to learn without these distractions initially.

This is one the reasons why I switched my plan from option two to option 3. But then I thought about it some more and realized i havent thought through my options that much. I kinda switched my plans without much thought. So I thought I'd ask y'all see what y'all thoughts are while I weigh my options more heavily.

Sometimes jumping in at the deep end helps you learn to swim faster. The issue is that most folks have parental help etc. which is not available to you. Option 3 sounds good, but beware that often people have their ways of doing things and their ways of doing things might not be your ways. Necessity is the mother of invention. I am also going to be independent soon at uni and will be living with flatmates, so I would go option 3. Just be aware to assert yourself if someone is all about doing things his way.

Im also worried about another thing. What if I'm more independent then i think? When I chose the group home i thought I needed it. But folk here since I arrived are like you dont belong here. And right now I have a lot of my independence limited as a result. The same thing could happen with a program sure there will be a lot more independence tho not full independence I dont think and I don't feel I'm ready for full independence yet but what if I actually am? Then once I go to the program I'd be again limited with independence and not be happy with that.

 

[Rival]

This is one the reasons why I switched my plan from option two to option 3. But then I thought about it some more and realized i havent thought through my options that much. I kinda switched my plans without much thought. So I thought I'd ask y'all see what y'all thoughts are while I weigh my options more heavily.


Im also worried about another thing. What if I'm more independent then i think? When I chose the group home i thought I needed it. But folk here since I arrived are like you dont belong here. And right now I have a lot of my independence limited as a result. The same thing could happen with a program sure there will be a lot more independence tho not full independence I dont think and I don't feel I'm ready for full independence yet but what if I actually am? Then once I go to the program I'd be again limited with independence and not be happy with that.

I think if you want true independence, at your current age you have the freedom just to go ahead with that.

 

[JustGeorge]

This is one the reasons why I switched my plan from option two to option 3. But then I thought about it some more and realized i havent thought through my options that much. I kinda switched my plans without much thought. So I thought I'd ask y'all see what y'all thoughts are while I weigh my options more heavily.


Im also worried about another thing. What if I'm more independent then i think? When I chose the group home i thought I needed it. But folk here since I arrived are like you dont belong here. And right now I have a lot of my independence limited as a result. The same thing could happen with a program sure there will be a lot more independence tho not full independence I dont think and I don't feel I'm ready for full independence yet but what if I actually am? Then once I go to the program I'd be again limited with independence and not be happy with that.

If you find the program is too restricting, can you leave?

How long will the program last?

 

[VoidCat]

If you find the program is too restricting, can you leave?

How long will the program last?

Im unsure in regards to both questions. I'd assume cuz im my own legal guardian I could just leave tho. I do know it's geared to help folk eventually live on their own with no staff help. Imma write both questions down to ask the folk at the group home who'd know the answer. Apparently this is a common type of program where a person usually someone with an intellectual or developmental disability goes to live in an apartment but have folk checking on them help them with independent living skills and stuff. So it's not just one program I'd have to choose from. The higher ups were going to give me more details and discuss more in detail once December comes around but I kinda want to discuss more on it now.

 

[JustGeorge]

Im unsure in regards to both questions. I'd assume cuz im my own legal guardian I could just leave tho. I do know it's geared to help folk eventually live on their own with no staff help. Imma write both questions down to ask the folk at the group home who'd know the answer. Apparently this is a common type of program where a person usually someone with an intellectual or developmental disability goes to live in an apartment but have folk checking on them help them with independent living skills and stuff. So it's not just one program I'd have to choose from. The higher ups were going to give me more details and discuss more in detail once December comes around but I kinda want to discuss more on it now.

If you have the freedom to leave if the program doesn't fit you, I'm not seeing any risks.

If you don't... well, I'd weigh the decision pretty heavily.

I think you should have this conversation as soon as possible, so you can come to a well thought out decision by December.

 

[firedragon]

So the group home thinks im too independent to live there. That's fine. I wasn't planning on staying permanently anyway. My plan was to always strive towards eventually living on my own. But now I got options. My first option is to move out completely on my own without any day to day support helping me learn independence. This is not the option imma take. The reason being is i dont feel confident yet that I could live on my own without some support. My next option is moving in with a friend of mine. This was the original plan. Interestingly I've had at least 10 folk be like yo you can move in with me if you want to live outside the group home. I've ruled out most of them cuz either I dont know them well enough or they don't live close enough to my twin sister(some even live in another state!). But I have at least 3 people I'd be comfortable moving in with. My third option is to wait until December. The group home will change my goals and I'll be working towards being in a program where I live in an apartment on my own or with a roommate and there's staff that come by to check on me to make sure im taking care of myself and helping me learn life skills. I'll have a ton more independence with that.

I've lately been weighing the pros and cons of option two and three. With option two I'd likely have more independence. But I don't know if im ready for that.

My question is this: what are some things I should consider when weighing option two and three? What are some pros and cons of living with a roommate? What are some things i need to consider when it comes to learning to live on my own? Could I learn how to be more self reliant well enough from a roommate or do y'all think it'd be better to go through a program that specializes in that kind of thing?

I am not qualified nor do I have any study to advice you on this my friend.

But Im gonna state my personal opinion. I think you should take option 3. Because, from this point onwards you now know you can live independently, and you have a goal, and can plan it out within a few months, getting prepared, and taking steps the right way. Knowing what you can do, and walking the path, while still getting prepared makes one very capable quickly. This part I am speaking from experience.

I would recommend that you take option 3. I think you are gonna be fantastic. Well, in that case I think you are already fantastic.

Go kick ***.

 

[ChristineM]

Options 2? Better for your independence, could be a good learning experience.

However you have to put up with your roommates foibles as they do with yours. Things that mean very little as friends can become bones of centension if living with someone all the time.


How about option 3 as an intermediate step? You have the staff backing if you need it but you also have your independence. When you are happy that you have the skills to go it alone then move to option 2 or get a place of your own (this can get quite lonely if you are used to people being around all the time)

 

[Brickjectivity]

what are some things I should consider when weighing option two and three?

I don't know.

What are some pros and cons of living with a roommate?

I have gotten roomates through web sites and other adverts. Women get a lower rent then men. I think it is because you are not perceived as dangerous by other women. My cheapest room was 250 per month in about 2005 or somewhere around there. My cheapest efficiency apartment on a 3rd floor was 400 per month. Those prices will never be seen again.

My main problems with roomates were: One wanted to hang around scantily clad in the common areas. One wanted to play very loud music at 5am long before my wakeup time. One had a girlfriend in their room. Surprise! One had a violent boyfriend who'd show up at night and yell very loud.

One time I had college roomates. Thieves planned and executed a heist during our exams. They came in with crowbars, broke open all the doors and stole our computers. The police could not help.

Also when seeking roomates you might get some seekers who are extremely overcautious and picky. They might want to know everything about you including your religion, but they are helpful in telling you things. They will have crime maps that tell them where crime is lowest in the city.

Do not give roomates your: Birthdate, social, any credit card, etc. Keep them out of your mailbox or get a separate box. If you have a laptop or anything expensive keep it far from the door to your room, and maybe toss a pillow over it when you're not in. Thieves are often in a big hurry. If they think you took your valuables with you they might leave without getting anything. And when I say don't give out your birthdate I am damned serious. I have had old roomates call me out of the blue trying to get this info. Its not worth the trouble. If you can't make them stop asking then lie about it.

A friend of mine had a roomate who later pretended to be him during a robbery. Roomates cannot be trusted. Sorry about that.

So...you have to identify what you don't like about your roomates and what you do like and then decide if that balance is Ok with you given the rent amount. Basically what you want are people that are social but will leave you alone when you don't want to hang out. I also discourage having roomates that host parties, because that seems related to crime. Strangers might come to parties to assess.

What are some things i need to consider when it comes to learning to live on my own?

Don't seem unusual or weak, nor particularly wealthy, nor particularly poor. In other words try to appear uninteresting, and you will, ironically, attract people. It is ironic, but people are timid. Efforts at friendship take energy and are like an investment, and they want to invest where there will be a good return. For example if you look like you will be asking to borrow 20$ you will not make many friends, but if you look like you might lend 20$ you will suddenly have many opportunities for friendship. Also, people want to feel safe, so they only approach other people like themselves. Girls prefer to approach other girls. Chinese feel more comfortable approaching Chinese. People want to be accepted and not rumored about, because they have no control over what is said. Rather than generate news they avoid anything that isn't absolutely boring, and they want acquaintances who feel the same way. The pool of people who want to be rumored about is a very small pool. Only after a new acquaintance or passerby sees that you are not dangerous, not a rumor item and makes friends with you should you reveal that you are a little bit different.

For example if you have a hobby collecting butterflies, don't mention it to strangers. What's wrong with collecting butterflies? Nothing is wrong with it, however it does involve sticking pins into dead bugs. Everything we do that is unusual can be spun as good or bad.

Could I learn how to be more self reliant well enough from a roommate or do y'all think it'd be better to go through a program that specializes in that kind of thing?

Program I think. Roomates usually (but not always) don't want to be bothered. Some people really like interaction. Also, some that like interaction might be too interested in interaction, so you may regret that too. If you don't know the potential roomate isn't codependent or annoyed by your needs then definitely consider a program.

 

[Gargovic Malkav]

So the group home thinks im too independent to live there. That's fine. I wasn't planning on staying permanently anyway. My plan was to always strive towards eventually living on my own. But now I got options. My first option is to move out completely on my own without any day to day support helping me learn independence. This is not the option imma take. The reason being is i dont feel confident yet that I could live on my own without some support. My next option is moving in with a friend of mine. This was the original plan. Interestingly I've had at least 10 folk be like yo you can move in with me if you want to live outside the group home. I've ruled out most of them cuz either I dont know them well enough or they don't live close enough to my twin sister(some even live in another state!). But I have at least 3 people I'd be comfortable moving in with. My third option is to wait until December. The group home will change my goals and I'll be working towards being in a program where I live in an apartment on my own or with a roommate and there's staff that come by to check on me to make sure im taking care of myself and helping me learn life skills. I'll have a ton more independence with that.

I've lately been weighing the pros and cons of option two and three. With option two I'd likely have more independence. But I don't know if im ready for that.

My question is this: what are some things I should consider when weighing option two and three? What are some pros and cons of living with a roommate? What are some things i need to consider when it comes to learning to live on my own? Could I learn how to be more self reliant well enough from a roommate or do y'all think it'd be better to go through a program that specializes in that kind of thing?

Option 3 is a lot, if not, identical to my situation.
It surely was a step in the right direction compared to my previous situation, which was also a group home(I think, I'm not sure it translates well..).
It was good for as long as it lasted, though.

I think it's good your group home acknowledges you're too independent to stay there, instead of trying to push you back in your proverbial wheel chair.

 

[PureX]

I'd probably suggest option 3. Simply because it affords the most options. You get to live with a roommate, but you also have the benefit of some regular oversight and help, if you need it. If you don't need it, that's great, but it's there. I usually try to keep my options open just so I can change course if I need to. For example, I wont go to a party or event in someone else's car. I want to be able to leave if I choose, when I choose. Options are good.

 

[Revoltingest]

So the group home thinks im too independent to live there. That's fine. I wasn't planning on staying permanently anyway. My plan was to always strive towards eventually living on my own. But now I got options. My first option is to move out completely on my own without any day to day support helping me learn independence. This is not the option imma take. The reason being is i dont feel confident yet that I could live on my own without some support. My next option is moving in with a friend of mine. This was the original plan. Interestingly I've had at least 10 folk be like yo you can move in with me if you want to live outside the group home. I've ruled out most of them cuz either I dont know them well enough or they don't live close enough to my twin sister(some even live in another state!). But I have at least 3 people I'd be comfortable moving in with. My third option is to wait until December. The group home will change my goals and I'll be working towards being in a program where I live in an apartment on my own or with a roommate and there's staff that come by to check on me to make sure im taking care of myself and helping me learn life skills. I'll have a ton more independence with that.

I've lately been weighing the pros and cons of option two and three. With option two I'd likely have more independence. But I don't know if im ready for that.

My question is this: what are some things I should consider when weighing option two and three? What are some pros and cons of living with a roommate? What are some things i need to consider when it comes to learning to live on my own? Could I learn how to be more self reliant well enough from a roommate or do y'all think it'd be better to go through a program that specializes in that kind of thing?

The best advice I can give you is to not take mine.

Hmmm...
If you don't take my advice, this is to take my advice.
But if you do take my advice, that violates my advice.
Tis a puzzlement.

 

[Guitar's Cry]

As someone who often works with transitioning young folks into the real world, I would suggest option 3, with lots of good discussion with lots of questions (including your legal rights) with trusted staff.

It offers good options to work on independence without burning bridges. Plus, you have resources to call on if you need them.

That's not to say you couldn't do it completely independent, but as much as I value self-reliance, being resourceful and keeping options available is just plain wise.

Best of luck with the choices.

 

[VoidCat]

I just talked with higher up apparently there's quite a few more options regarding me moving out then i thought. So I've called the company the group home works for. I should be getting a phone call from them sometime. I'll be discussing them what exactly are all my options and what may be best for me.