Ugh... Advice and thoughts, please...

[SigurdReginson]

So, I just found out my grandma has stopped eating and her body has started shutting down. She's in her 80s, so she is kind of at a vulnerable time in her life. I'm going to go to see her the day after tomorrow.

My grandpa has issues with control. He has to be in control of situations at all times, no matter what that situation is. He's taken control of my grandma's eating habits, has been shoving food in her face, and she's gotten sick of it. Not only that, but my aunt has been telling her what she should and should not be eating. You see, my aunt is a naturopathic expert, and she has my grandma inhaling fumes from an essential oil machine to help her cure what ails her. She's told her she needs to stay away from nutritional supplements because they are full of sugar. My grandma isn't listening to anyone at this point, and is just giving up. She would rather die at home than go to the hospital, cause she's afraid that she'd never leave if she went.

Here's the thing; I am a dietitian tech. It's my job to help people heal via the food they eat and to get them recover enough to waltz out of the hospital under their own strength. I primarily help the elderly in this regard.

I feel like my aunt has been poisoning the well, and now it's going to be impossible to try to talk to my grandma about drinking supplements because of the sugar my aunt tells her is the enemy... Like, what's gonna happen? Is adult onset diabetes gonna sneak up on my grandma and snap her neck out of nowhere in her 80s like a ninja? You know what's worse than contracting diabetes? Dying of malnutrition or dying because the body just up and gave out. I see it happen almost every time I go to work.

I think when I see her, I'll just keep things real low key and not try to tell her what she should do... I think I'll just visit and before I leave I'll just let her know that as a dietitian tech, I help people recover every day I work. I'll let her know that I got her some nutritional supplements if she wants them, and that she can call me if she wants some dietary advice.

What is everyone else's thoughts on this?

 

[The Hammer]

I think when I see her, I'll just keep things real low key and not try to tell her what she should do... I think I'll just visit and before I leave I'll just let her know that as a dietitian tech, I help people recover every day I work. I'll let her know that I got her some nutritional supplements if she wants them, and that she can call me if she wants some dietary advice.

What is everyone else's thoughts on this?

This sounds like a good idea.

Any way you could get your aunt or grandpa to honor her wishes? I know much easier said then done.

But as you said she is elderly, and refusing to eat can cause many complications.

I wish you both the best.

 

[JustGeorge]

It kind of sounds like Grandma is trying to get some control back... maybe in the only way she can: through eating or refusing to eat.

Perhaps a discussion with her, and what she wants and what she is feeling would be beneficial to her?

 

[McBell]

I think when I see her, I'll just keep things real low key and not try to tell her what she should do... I think I'll just visit and before I leave I'll just let her know that as a dietitian tech, I help people recover every day I work. I'll let her know that I got her some nutritional supplements if she wants them, and that she can call me if she wants some dietary advice.

What is everyone else's thoughts on this?

Sounds to me that you will be the first one NOT telling her what to do or not do.
Which sounds like will be breath of fresh air for her.

 

[SigurdReginson]

Sounds to me that you will be the first one NOT telling her what to do or not do.
Which sounds like will be breath of fresh air for her.

That's what I hope... I just want to leave the door open for her and let her know that I want to keep her out of the hospital, too.

 

[We Never Know]

So, I just found out my grandma has stopped eating and her body has started shutting down. She's in her 80s, so she is kind of at a vulnerable time in her life. I'm going to go to see her the day after tomorrow.

My grandpa has issues with control. He has to be in control of situations at all times, no matter what that situation is. He's taken control of my grandma's eating habits, has been shoving food in her face, and she's gotten sick of it. Not only that, but my aunt has been telling her what she should and should not be eating. You see, my aunt is a naturopathic expert, and she has my grandma inhaling fumes from an essential oil machine to help her cure what ails her. She's told her she needs to stay away from nutritional supplements because they are full of sugar. My grandma isn't listening to anyone at this point, and is just giving up. She would rather die at home than go to the hospital, cause she's afraid that she'd never leave if she went.

Here's the thing; I am a dietitian tech. It's my job to help people heal via the food they eat and to get them recover enough to waltz out of the hospital under their own strength. I primarily help the elderly in this regard.

I feel like my aunt has been poisoning the well, and now it's going to be impossible to try to talk to my grandma about drinking supplements because of the sugar my aunt tells her is the enemy... Like, what's gonna happen? Is adult onset diabetes gonna sneak up on my grandma and snap her neck out of nowhere in her 80s like a ninja? You know what's worse than contracting diabetes? Dying of malnutrition or dying because the body just up and gave out. I see it happen almost every time I go to work.

I think when I see her, I'll just keep things real low key and not try to tell her what she should do... I think I'll just visit and before I leave I'll just let her know that as a dietitian tech, I help people recover every day I work. I'll let her know that I got her some nutritional supplements if she wants them, and that she can call me if she wants some dietary advice.

What is everyone else's thoughts on this?

Unless your grandma's mental status has deteriorated, she knows what's she wants.

 

[SigurdReginson]

Unless your grandma's mental status has deteriorated, she knows what's she wants.

Very true... I can't jump into her skin and have her eat. What she wants and how she can attain it are two different things, though...

She wants to stay out of a hospital at all costs. If she keeps doing what she's doing, she's going to wake up in the ICU or the CCU.

 

[Thief]

So, I just found out my grandma has stopped eating and her body has started shutting down. She's in her 80s, so she is kind of at a vulnerable time in her life. I'm going to go to see her the day after tomorrow.

My grandpa has issues with control. He has to be in control of situations at all times, no matter what that situation is. He's taken control of my grandma's eating habits, has been shoving food in her face, and she's gotten sick of it. Not only that, but my aunt has been telling her what she should and should not be eating. You see, my aunt is a naturopathic expert, and she has my grandma inhaling fumes from an essential oil machine to help her cure what ails her. She's told her she needs to stay away from nutritional supplements because they are full of sugar. My grandma isn't listening to anyone at this point, and is just giving up. She would rather die at home than go to the hospital, cause she's afraid that she'd never leave if she went.

Here's the thing; I am a dietitian tech. It's my job to help people heal via the food they eat and to get them recover enough to waltz out of the hospital under their own strength. I primarily help the elderly in this regard.

I feel like my aunt has been poisoning the well, and now it's going to be impossible to try to talk to my grandma about drinking supplements because of the sugar my aunt tells her is the enemy... Like, what's gonna happen? Is adult onset diabetes gonna sneak up on my grandma and snap her neck out of nowhere in her 80s like a ninja? You know what's worse than contracting diabetes? Dying of malnutrition or dying because the body just up and gave out. I see it happen almost every time I go to work.

I think when I see her, I'll just keep things real low key and not try to tell her what she should do... I think I'll just visit and before I leave I'll just let her know that as a dietitian tech, I help people recover every day I work. I'll let her know that I got her some nutritional supplements if she wants them, and that she can call me if she wants some dietary advice.

What is everyone else's thoughts on this?

offer to buy her lunch

and if you can.....don't invite anyone else

 

[Aštra’el]

My grandma went through something similar, except it was compounded by stage 4 lung cancer and pneumonia. When she left her house I knew it was the last time she’s ever step foot in it. I kept visiting her in the hospital and eventually watched her die on her deathbed in hospice. It was a horrible death.


If there is anything left you wish to say to her, or any questions you have about who she is as a person, or anything, I suggest you get it off your chest now, while you can. I was glad that I did and I have almost zero regrets. Except, sometimes I do kind of wish I had asked her what her favorite color was. I don’t even know why but I wish I knew. I loved my grandma and she was my favorite person in this entire world.

 

[sun rise]

When my father in law was dying from pancreatic cancer, we talked about his happiest memories and about things I was curious about.

When my mother had very little time left, I thanked her for everything she had done for me.

 

[SigurdReginson]

When my father in law was dying from pancreatic cancer, we talked about his happiest memories and about things I was curious about.

When my mother had very little time left, I thanked her for everything she had done for me.

I think my first reaction to adversity and difficulty is to fight, but it's not my fight...

I think maybe it would be wise to carefully think about what questions I'll ask with what time I have while over there.

 

[Trailblazer]

So, I just found out my grandma has stopped eating and her body has started shutting down. She's in her 80s, so she is kind of at a vulnerable time in her life. I'm going to go to see her the day after tomorrow.

My grandpa has issues with control. He has to be in control of situations at all times, no matter what that situation is. He's taken control of my grandma's eating habits, has been shoving food in her face, and she's gotten sick of it. Not only that, but my aunt has been telling her what she should and should not be eating. You see, my aunt is a naturopathic expert, and she has my grandma inhaling fumes from an essential oil machine to help her cure what ails her. She's told her she needs to stay away from nutritional supplements because they are full of sugar. My grandma isn't listening to anyone at this point, and is just giving up. She would rather die at home than go to the hospital, cause she's afraid that she'd never leave if she went.

Here's the thing; I am a dietitian tech. It's my job to help people heal via the food they eat and to get them recover enough to waltz out of the hospital under their own strength. I primarily help the elderly in this regard.

I feel like my aunt has been poisoning the well, and now it's going to be impossible to try to talk to my grandma about drinking supplements because of the sugar my aunt tells her is the enemy... Like, what's gonna happen? Is adult onset diabetes gonna sneak up on my grandma and snap her neck out of nowhere in her 80s like a ninja? You know what's worse than contracting diabetes? Dying of malnutrition or dying because the body just up and gave out. I see it happen almost every time I go to work.

I think when I see her, I'll just keep things real low key and not try to tell her what she should do... I think I'll just visit and before I leave I'll just let her know that as a dietitian tech, I help people recover every day I work. I'll let her know that I got her some nutritional supplements if she wants them, and that she can call me if she wants some dietary advice.

What is everyone else's thoughts on this?

I am sorry to hear all this and I might have more to say tomorrow because I am at the end of my rope for today.
But since you are a dietary teach for the elderly maybe you might have some suggestions.
I do not want to make this about me, but I am really worried about my husband who is 78 and not eating enough. He has lost 22 lbs since September 2018 and he was a normal weight back then. I knew he was eating less but I did not know how much less because we never eat together. He complains of his bowels and bad teeth and says that is why he is eating less. He just had a physical a week ago and had all kinds of blood tests run but the doctor did not seem that worried about his weight. He did have some elevated blood values and a urinary tract infection so he is on antibiotics. His PSA was very elevated which can mean prostate cancer, but it could also be from the infection so he will have another blood test to recheck the PSA in five weeks. I have been sick with worry about prostate or bowel cancer but his fecal test came back negative so I felt really relieved. Now I just have to gte him to eat more... He is a lot like your grandmother, very stubborn.

My mother was 93 when she died and she was very thin and hardly eating. It becomes a serious problem when older people lose weight and I have read that it is better to be a little overweight in older years than underweight because then there are reserves.

 

[Trailblazer]

Very true... I can't jump into her skin and have her eat. What she wants and how she can attain it are two different things, though...

She wants to stay out of a hospital at all costs. If she keeps doing what she's doing, she's going to wake up in the ICU or the CCU.

My mother was that way about the hospital too, and she stayed in her rented condo until the last two days of her life, and then died pretty soon after entering the hospital in Port Angeles. She died of bowel ischemia, which had been misdiagnosed as something else.

 

[SigurdReginson]

@Trailblazer

Hmmm... Keep in mind that I am a dietitian tech, and not a dietitian. Being a dietitian requires some serious higher education, so if you can, I would absolutely seek out a dietitian for advice.

That said, I can give my own personal thoughts on the matter. I wouldn't say I am a dietitian tech specifically for the elderly, but I am a dietitian tech for the ICU and the CCU which primarily are comprised of the elderly.

As for bowel issues, that's hard to say. It could be intolerance to certain foods. Does he have any allergies or intolerances that you know of? Is his stool too runny, or does he get plugged up? As for his tooth problems, you could try a mechanical soft diet. That just means that you use food that's softer, like meatloaf or mac & cheese, and you chop it into smaller bites so he doesn't need to chew it as much.

As for the other things, I'm not sure about your husband's medical history, and that's outside of what I do anyways. My focus is on getting people healthy so they can recover from surgery, prepare for surgery, or to get them healthy enough to thrive outside of the hospital.

If he is underweight, though, I might suggest high calorie supplements like Boost to help with that.

 

[Aupmanyav]

My grandpa has issues with control. .. but my aunt has been telling her what she should and should not be eating.

I think when I see her, I'll just keep things real low key and not try to tell her what she should do... I think I'll just visit and before I leave I'll just let her know that as a dietitian tech, I help people recover every day I work. I'll let her know that I got her some nutritional supplements if she wants them, and that she can call me if she wants some dietary advice.

IMHO, your grandma needs a respite from your grandpa and your aunt, who would not let her be. Is it possible that she lives in an old-peoples' home for a few days?

 

[SigurdReginson]

IMHO, your grandma needs a respite from your grandpa and your aunt, who would not let her be. Is it possible that she lives in an old-peoples' home for a few days?

You know, I'm not sure how that would go. Any time we've had to take people in my family to an old folk's home, they spent the rest of their lives there, so she would probably be totally against that idea.

She could certainly use some time away from that, though... Maybe I could take her on a picnic or something.

 

[Quagmire]

I think when I see her, I'll just keep things real low key and not try to tell her what she should do... I think I'll just visit and before I leave I'll just let her know that as a dietitian tech, I help people recover every day I work. I'll let her know that I got her some nutritional supplements if she wants them, and that she can call me if she wants some dietary advice.

Sounds like a solid plan.

Right now she might need company more than advice.

 

[Trailblazer]

As for bowel issues, that's hard to say. It could be intolerance to certain foods. Does he have any allergies or intolerances that you know of? Is his stool too runny, or does he get plugged up? As for his tooth problems, you could try a mechanical soft diet. That just means that you use food that's softer, like meatloaf or mac & cheese, and you chop it into smaller bites so he doesn't need to chew it as much.

If he is underweight, though, I might suggest high calorie supplements like Boost to help with that.

He is afraid if having loose stools and not being able to get to the bathroom, but he is very anxiety prone anyway. I need to try some softer foods for him now that I know he has lost that much weight. Boost sounds like a good idea because that is easy, I never thought of that. I am not good at planning meals and I do not like cooking, so we just eat the same things all the time.

 

[Nimos]

I think when I see her, I'll just keep things real low key and not try to tell her what she should do... I think I'll just visit and before I leave I'll just let her know that as a dietitian tech, I help people recover every day I work. I'll let her know that I got her some nutritional supplements if she wants them, and that she can call me if she wants some dietary advice.

What is everyone else's thoughts on this?

Depending on how well you know them? which is a bit unclear since she/they don't know what you work with?

But if you know that both your grandpa and aunt is giving wrong or even dangerous advice to your grandma in regards to her health, then you should confront them directly and tell them why they are wrong and that they should stop it immediately.
And also tell your grandma why and what she should eat, because these are good for her. Maybe give them a short introduction to what you are working as, so they know that it is not just another random opinion. Even try to find some reading materials for her, so she can read it for herself etc. And tell her to take control of her own eating habits and tell your grandpa and aunt to back off, if they don't know what they are talking about. And then tell her that if she is ever in doubt or need advice that she can call her. Maybe even suggest that you and her sit down and make a eating plan together, that she would appreciate and be involved in herself, so she feel like she is regaining control of it.

I don't get it, that if you know what they are doing is wrong and if you know them well, why you wouldn't directly confront them.

 

[SalixIncendium]

I think when I see her, I'll just keep things real low key and not try to tell her what she should do... I think I'll just visit and before I leave I'll just let her know that as a dietitian tech, I help people recover every day I work. I'll let her know that I got her some nutritional supplements if she wants them, and that she can call me if she wants some dietary advice.

What is everyone else's thoughts on this?

I think you have the makings of a good plan.

If it was me, I would also plan on having a sit-down with the grandpa and aunt and tell them in not so many words to knock it off and respect grandma's wishes.