Trouble Ahead....

[Laika]

Sometimes someone starts to tell you something, & the
way they start out, you just no that nothing good lies ahead.

An alien steps out of his (her?) spaceship....
"Puny Earthlings!"

"hey mum, you know that depleted uranium I was using to build a nuclear reactor for my school project..."

 

[Revoltingest]

At the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant...
"What's an eltdown?"

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

"There will be an activation fee."

 

[shmogie]

Sometimes someone starts to tell you something, & the way
they start out, you just know that nothing good lies ahead.

An alien steps out of his (her?) spaceship....
"Puny Earthlings!"

Is your accountant coming with you for our meeting ?

 

[exchemist]

Congratulations! You have been selected...........

 

[sun rise]

Some of my best friends are black/muslim/etc.

So?

 

[exchemist]

So?

This ["some of my best friends are....."] is a notorious disclaimer, issued before the speaker launches into some racist conspiracy theory. Imagine Nigel Farage in the pub.

 

[Revoltingest]

Is your accountant coming with you for our meeting ?

No. The company he now works for
would require charging for the service.

In the delivery room....
"Huh...I've never seen one of those before."

 

[exchemist]

Telephone rings: [Voice with thick Indian accent] Hallo, Mr xxxxxx, do you realise you are being having a wirus on your Vindows computer.....

 

[Revoltingest]

You sit down in your seat next to a squeaky clean
looking guy at the beginning of a 14 hour flight....
"Would you like to know about Jesus?"

 

[exchemist]

You sit down in your seat next to a squeaky clean
looking guy at the beginning of a 14 hour flight....
"Would you like to know about Jesus?"

The best so far, by a country mile!

I've never quite had that one, but I did once sit next to an American on a flight back to London from the Middle East, just before the Iraq invasion, who had bought the whole Project for a New American Century package. He even got out a book about it, and accused me of antisemitism when I criticised the policies of the Israeli government. It was like the "Quiet American" - same sort of attitudes - and terrifying.

 

[ChristineM]

And what speed so you think you were doing?

 

[ChristineM]

Why did dad shout "cooking fat" when he tripped over the cat on the stairs?

 

[Revoltingest]

The best so far, by a country mile!

I've never quite had that one, but I did once sit next to an American on a flight back to London from the Middle East, just before the Iraq invasion, who had bought the whole Project for a New American Century package. He even got out a book about it, and accused me of antisemitism when I criticised the policies of the Israeli government. It was like the "Quiet American" - same sort of attitudes - and terrifying.

It could'a been worse....
"Hi, I'm Greta. Would you like to learn about global warming?"

 

[Heyo]

It could'a been worse....
"Hi, I'm Greta. Would you like to learn about global warming?"

On a flight? Maybe on a sail boat. (And those trips are usually weeks ...)

 

[Left Coast]

Sometimes someone starts to tell you something, & the way
they start out, you just know that nothing good lies ahead.

An alien steps out of his (her?) spaceship....
"Puny Earthlings!"

Men in suits ring your doorbell: "Hi, we're just sharing with our neighbors some good news about Jesus..."

 

[ChristineM]

The garage mechanic says "please sit down, it's worse than i thought"

 

[Quagmire]

Dr reviewing xrays: "Just let me wipe this smudge off of my screen. . . oh wait, that's not a smudge. . . "

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

also....

Ladies and gentlemen
do not be alarmed
as we are directed to another airport

I've had that happen...

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

Heard in an operating room after surgery....
"Now where did I leave those forceps?"

Heard in an operating room:

Tweezers...forceps...silk...oops!