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Trigger warning: Is this abuse?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by RayofLight, Jun 11, 2021 at 7:03 AM.

  1. RayofLight

    RayofLight He/they

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    Cuz I honestly dont know. I told my friend about it he said it was. I thought it was normal parenting. My aunt and uncle whenever I got in trouble would have me stand in the corner...usually when parents do this it's only for a few minutes. But in my case it'd be weeks maybe months at a time. I sometimes would forget why I was in there. I'd only be allowed to sit when told to and I'd still have to stand for hours. I'd only be allowed out for 5 reasons: to go to the bathroom, to sleep, to eat, school, and to rub my aunt or uncle's feet or back. Is it abusive to be in the corner that long? If it is why?
     
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  2. Daemon Sophic

    Daemon Sophic Avatar in flux

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    Yes. Yes it is.
    A few minutes of “time out” for everyone to cool down is normal. Sending a kid who did something REALLY bad to the corner for a half hour might be acceptable, but it really serves no teaching purpose.
    To have the kid in the corner except for those times that you want your pediatric slave to give you a foot or back rub is neglect and abuse. You are not teaching the child anything other than that they are a disposable object with no capacity for learning and growing, and no freedom to have fun or be independent.
    Your aunt and uncle abused you. Sorry.
     
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  3. Mock Turtle

    Mock Turtle Silent Generation - so don't expect much
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    Yes, definitely in my book of life. :oops: But then I was raised in an almost ideal environment where there was little conflict and a lot of love. I was never spanked or even shouted at that much as I recall. There are measures to ensure some discipline but to me that goes beyond the bounds of such. It's a shame that it happened to you.
     
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  4. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
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    I would say most definitely it was abuse.


    Here's how it should be done...

    b18e0b387186b35d1f24194382f5b889.jpg
     
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  5. SalixIncendium

    SalixIncendium Advaita Vedantin
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    Yes. While having someone stand in a corner as punishment isn't abuse, the amount of time was unreasonable, and therefore, abuse.
     
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  6. RayofLight

    RayofLight He/they

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    Welp. Here I was thinking that was normal...oops
     
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  7. Eddi

    Eddi Eddifying

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    Yes, that is abuse

    No doubt about it
     
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  8. Polymath257

    Polymath257 Think & Care
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    Just to add my voice to the chorus: yes, it was abuse. The length of time was *way* too long.

    One of the problems with abuse, especially of children, is that the victim often thinks the abuse is 'normal' when it is anything but. This happens with abused women as well.
     
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  9. Mestemia

    Mestemia Advocatus Diaboli
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    In My Opinion:

    What you describe is not even parenting.
    Let alone "normal" parenting.

    I agree with the statements already presented in the thread.
    Being sent to stand in the corner in and of itself is not abuse.
    Being in said corner for days, or weeks, or longer is most definitely abuse.​
     
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  10. A Vestigial Mote

    A Vestigial Mote Well-Known Member

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    I concur with others... your aunt and uncle acted on a terrible abuse of authority. At the durations you are talking, I would worry that there would have been effects to cognitive or social development. In my opinion - all that time your mind had nothing to occupy it had to have taken a toll on what would otherwise have been actual development, learning, exercise of mind and body. Robbing you of that alone, however it was carried out, is most definitely abuse.
     
    #10 A Vestigial Mote, Jun 11, 2021 at 8:40 AM
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2021 at 10:43 AM
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  11. Aupmanyav

    Aupmanyav Be your own guru

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    I am sorry to hear that you had to go through this (terrible) abuse. It is worse than it was for Harry Potter (no joke). You did not report in the school? Were there no child-abuse laws at that time? But perhaps like Polymath said, you had no inkling that it was abuse.
     
    #11 Aupmanyav, Jun 11, 2021 at 9:12 AM
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2021 at 9:19 AM
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  12. ecco

    ecco Veteran Member

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    YES. Are you still living with them? Have you considered reporting them?
     
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  13. Unveiled Artist

    Unveiled Artist Veteran Member

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    I agree with the others and @Aupmanyav. and Harry Potter which is bad in itself.

    It's normal (but frustrating, yeah) to be sent to the corner for doing something bad. Some questions I'd ask (but you don't have to answer-just reflecting)

    1. What did you do to make them put you in the corner?
    If it's over spilled milk, then yes. I'd consider it abuse-especially when there is a pattern and its months at a time.

    2. Having to rub your aunt and uncle's feet is another red flag.
    You shouldn't have to be a "cinderella."

    Is there someone you can tell?
     
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  14. RayofLight

    RayofLight He/they

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    No I am not
     
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  15. RayofLight

    RayofLight He/they

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    I don't live with them anymore
     
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  16. RayofLight

    RayofLight He/they

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    I did not know it was abuse
     
  17. Aupmanyav

    Aupmanyav Be your own guru

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    Well, the bygones are gone. Don't let that spoil your present. Move on with life.
     
    #17 Aupmanyav, Jun 11, 2021 at 11:13 AM
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2021 at 11:22 AM
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  18. Hermit Philosopher

    Hermit Philosopher Selflessly here for you

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    Dear RayofLight

    Supposing that it used to take place in the past and is not happening to you any longer + that to your knowledge, your relatives are not currently doing this to another child/children; I would not set down this trail of thought of yours without ensuring that I absolutely knew why I wanted to do so.

    When we re-interpret old, first-hand experiences through the judgements of others in the present, we are likely to reach new conclusions with significant impact on ourselves.

    Will answering your questions enrich your relation to self and others? Will it increase your sense of (well)being? If not, is it still something you are wanting to do…?
    Where do you expect your answers to take you emotionally?


    Humbly
    Hermit
     
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  19. The Hammer

    The Hammer Hrafnúlfh
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    That is absolutely abuse, and I am so sorry you had to go through that. No one should every treat their or another child like that. A time out is one thing, what they did is awful though.

    *Hugs* let me know if I can help
     
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  20. Revoltingest

    Revoltingest I have the kavorka
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    It's definitely abuse.
    Did your aunt & uncle become moderators?
     
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