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TRIGGER WARNING: I'm in a bad place, and need help, k?

Discussion in 'Journals' started by YeshuaRedeemed, Dec 15, 2019.

  1. YeshuaRedeemed

    YeshuaRedeemed Revelation 3:10

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    I have been thinking of hurting myself, because the anger, and depression are not responding to treatment, and I don't know whether to sing to God, or tell Him, to go eff Himself. I am a Christian, but barely. I don't feel safe posting in the Christian section, so here i am a God **** it, I'm sorry, but I need to vent. I have autism spectrum disorder, bipolar disorder rapid cycling and severe, seasonal affective disorder (I hate Christmas), attention deficit disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and post traumatic stress disorder. I am asking mods to not hate me for this, I just need support. I want to die, and have received inpatient care twice in 4 months. i believe suicide is an absolute human right for people with medical issues and no hope of recovery, that consent. I see my doctor tomorrow, and promise to tell him about my desire to kill myself. I am willing to get help, and don't have any actual plans, so please don't report me, k?
     
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  2. Revoltingest

    Revoltingest I have the kavorka
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    I recommend seeing a psychiatrist.
    I surmise that you already have, but it's always good advice for such troubles.
     
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  3. YeshuaRedeemed

    YeshuaRedeemed Revelation 3:10

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    My appointment is tomorrow, and I will be honest with him.
     
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  4. Salvador

    Salvador RF's Swedenborgian

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    Please seek professional help immediately.

    [​IMG]
     
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  5. SigurdReginson

    SigurdReginson Active Member

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  6. sun rise

    sun rise "This is the Hour of God"
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    I pray that you find healing.
     
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  7. Howard Is

    Howard Is Lucky Mud

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    I am not going to give you advice. But for what it’s worth, I can tell you that I have lived through what you are experiencing. Everything except obsessive compulsive disorder.
    Aspergers, ADD, bipolar and PTSD. Check.
    I lived through many years of waking up to suicidal thoughts and feelings, and spending days with my inner voice giving me hell.
    Nothing is permanent.
    Gradually I learned new behaviours. I am happy quite often now. Not all the time, but nobody is happy all the time.
    Having the right medication helps a lot. I was prescribed dexamphetamine, and that has been a major blessing.
    I also took up yoga, which was probably the best choice I ever made.

    You will find your own path to recovery, if you are honest with yourself, and patient with yourself. You can make the changes you need. I know that from experience.

    I wish you well.
     
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  8. Polymath257

    Polymath257 Think & Care
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    My ex-wife struggles with OCD. At some points, she was bad enough that a shower would take hours, she couldn't drive because she was certain she hit someone, and couldn't go down some aisles in a store.

    But she learned how to deal with her illness. Look into 'exposure and response prevention therapy'. I can't make guarantees, but it worked wonders for her.

    Just letting you know there are people that made it through and are better now. Don't give up!
     
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  9. PureX

    PureX Veteran Member

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    I really have nothing to offer you except that in my own worst moments (early addiction recovery), I found repetitive motion, helpful. Sitting and rocking back and forth, pacing the length of my apartment, repeating a positive phrase over and over, these kept my mind and body occupied just enough to keep me from spinning out of control, without totally exhausting me (though after many hours one does get pretty tired).
     
  10. Hockeycowboy

    Hockeycowboy Well-Known Member
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    Goodness, that’s a big one, right there!

    (You can’t rush it!)

    Sound advice. Have you ever been a counselor?
     
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  11. Laika

    Laika Well-Known Member
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    You’re not alone. There are quite a few members on this site with mental health problems (myself included) and who have been where you are. Go talk to your doctor, tell them how you feel, but we are here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on. :)
     
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  12. Howard Is

    Howard Is Lucky Mud

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    No. Not in any formal sense anyway.
     
  13. Heyo

    Heyo Well-Known Member

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    Trigger warning: You may not agree with me. This post may be deleted by a mod.
    The usual instinct to help a suicidal person is to bring her/him away from her/his thoughts. That's OK if it's an episode. If it's a recurring theme, I think it's more helpful to address the thoughts and take them serious. This is a link to a course about death and (sessions 24 to 26) the rationality and morality of suicide.
    Death | Open Yale Courses
    Again, you (or a mod) may not agree that it is a good idea to face that problem head on. User discretion is advised.
    Disclaimer: I'm not a psychiatrist or counsellor. In fact, I suffer from depression myself.
     
  14. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
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    Not the same situation but close enough to recount it. My brother in law has paranoid schizophrenia, this time last year it was very bad. He was saved from suicide because i was concerned (we usually speak several times per day and he stoped taking calls). I phoned his local police who picked him up while he was on the way to the spot he had chosen to take his life.

    Long story short, that prompted him to move back to the town he grew up in (very stressful at a bad time) but he has friends there. The mental health department made his case a priority. Following good care and support its taken a year but he is now functional again and actively seeking employment.

    What i am saying is, don't dispare, there is help, you just need to ask for it and it looks like that is a step you will be taking in the next few hours. All the best with that and always remember, you are valued.
     
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  15. Riders

    Riders Well-Known Member

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    I am not Autistic however I am bipolar and have obsessive compulsive disorder. I am about to go into the psychiatric ward to be reevaluated on the 17th of next month.

    I do know there is help. There are forums for mental health and also NAmi and other associations have group support groups including if you go to meetup.com and search for mental illness and depression or bipolar support you can find it there. Also the 12 Steps have EA Emotions Anonymous which covers folks with mental health and emotional problems and uses the 12 steps to deal with it. NAMI is a big group, I have different groups I can give you the info if your each out and want it let me know.
     
  16. Riders

    Riders Well-Known Member

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    There is also a 12 step program for OCDs, you can get to the 12 Step programs by doing phone meetings too so if you need that info I can also get it to you.
     
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