Jaymes
The cake is a lie
NOTE: The OP for this become too long, so I have continued this thread here.
Trans-what?
Transgender and transsexual are two of the most confusing terms to people; even those in the GLBTQ community. Transsexual is generally used to refer to someone who takes steps to undergo surgery and hormone therapy, while transgender is a broader term that can refer to anyone who thinks their external or assigned gender doesnt reflect their internal gender.
Transsexual... that's like hermaphrodites, right?
No. Most transgender/sexual people were born with an otherwise average body for the sex they were born into. Intersexed people are a completely different ballpark, and something I'm not sure I know quite enough about to add to the FAQ. Also, the medical community has started to lean away from the word "hermaphrodite" and towards the word "intersexed" to describe people with ambiguous genitalia.
So youre really a man/woman pretending to be a woman/man?
No, no, no! People seem to be under this impression a lot. Given the way trans issues are presented in the media (Jerry Springer, anyone?), its easy to think this. But were not pretending anything; were being ourselves.
But if your sex is male/female, doesnt that make you a man/woman?
Sociology makes a clear distinction between male and female and man and woman. Male and female typically refers to the genes youre born with, while man and woman is the gender role society expects of you. The gender role someone does (or doesnt) fall into is independent of sex.
How do you know youre a man/woman?
How do you know you are? This is probably one of the most difficult things to explain to non-trans people. Some trans people dont know that theyre a man/woman, just that theyre not a woman/man. Other trans people have known from the time they were young that theyre a man/woman, even though their parents and society tried to convince them otherwise. It really just varies from person to person.
Are you sure youre not just gay?
Some of us are gay, yes. Others are bi, straight, and everything in between. Gender expression is completely independent of sexuality.
So what am I supposed to call you?
My name would be nice. If someone corrects you on their name, dont get into an argument about it. It can take some getting used to if youre used to calling someone by another name, but complying and using the name they ask you to use is the best (and most supportive) thing you could do.
What about pronouns? He? She? It?
Please, not it! It has been used for a long time as a dehumanizing word, and unless someone asks you to call them that, its generally seen as very rude to do so. As for he and she: Whatever the person asks you to use. Its plain rude to use a masculine pronoun when asked to use a feminine one, or vice versa. Itd be like me calling you she when you like to be called he.
My friend is trans. How can I support him/her?
One of the best things you can do would be to treat them just like any other friend you have. Making it clear that you're there for them if they want to vent or anything is a great help, too. Just being there for them is probably going to be a huge help; the world, unfortunately, isn't composed of people as accepting as you guys, and it can be frustrating and wear down on even the strongest of people. Don't push it if they don't want to talk, though.
I also want to toss this out here since I know it happens to so many people in the trans community: It's usually considered very bad manners to introduce someone as "Soandso, my trans friend." Slipping up on pronouns and making a big deal out of it can be just as bad. Some trans people don't mind being open about being trans, but unless someone tells you otherwise it's safe to assume they don't want you outing them to everyone they meet. Being out is their decision to make, not yours.
So why do you want to change your body? Can't you just get over it and live with the one you're in?
Let me sum this up in one word: No. To be more specific: Most of the time, no. Some trans people do elect to not have hormones or surgery, but many do.
I think not feeling at home in your own body because of something like your genitals and secondary sex characteristics is kind of hard to explain to someone that's never felt it. For me it was the constant reminder in the back of my mind that I shouldn't have breasts, that it was just weird for people to call me Ms. and ma'am, and that I just shouldn't be in the women's restroom, since that's for women. It doesn't stop. Pretty much any time someone says something that implies I'm a woman--and until you're uncomfortable with it and realize how much people say things like that, I don't think you realize just how often people do--it makes me uncomfortable. Any time I'm aware I have breasts (which is almost all the time, except when I'm lying down), I'm uncomfortable. Any time I talk and a girl's voice comes out, I'm uncomfortable. Any time I see myself in the mirror I'm uncomfortable. I could name a hundred more things and still have things left over. That's not something you can just "get over".
So what causes transsexuality? Is it how you're raised? Or because of abuse?
Short answer? Nobody knows. The clinical term used for it is gender identity disorder, by the way. In the past it was thought that gender identity disorder was caused solely by psychological factors, like stress, but some recent studies indicate that hormones in the womb or genetic factors may influence it. As of now, however, there is no concrete evidence in either direction.
However, the idea that how you're raised causes it (especially abuse) doesn't apply to even a minority of transgender/sexual people. Remember, we were raised a guys/girls and think ourselves to be something else. I can personally tell you I wasn't abused by any of my relatives or the people that watched me, and I was definitely raised as a girl, albeit a tomboy girl.
Common trans*-related vocabulary:
Gender - what's 'between the ears' rather than between the legs, so to speak. How a person percieves themselves in terms of masculinity and femininity or anything in between.
Sex - chromosome types. XX, XY, XO, XXX, XXY, etc.
Cisgender - literally "on the same side of gender". Used to refer to people that aren't transgender/sexual.
Transman, transguy, etc - a person declared female at birth who identifies as male.
Transwoman, transgirl, etc - a person declared male at birth who identifies as female.
Genderqueer - someone who crosses gender lines. May or may not identify with one or more genders.
Gender-neutral - someone who identifies with neither gender.
Tranny - This is not a word you should call someone unless they tell you it's okay. It's a derogatory term for trans-people, sort of similar to "***" or "dyke".
Links of interest:
Gender Education and Advocacy: Distributed Gender Education - This site contains a variety of .pdf files on transgender issues and information. I found Gender Variance: A Primer to be particularly informative.
Transgender - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia - Although Wiki can be changed to add misleading information, this is a great page for definitions of different trans-related terms.
Rethinking Gender: What Makes Us Male or Female? - Newsweek Health - MSNBC.com - This is a great article on gender and transgender by Newsweek.
Main Page - T-Vox - T-Vox is a transgender wikipedia and has most every topic relating to transgender/sexuality on it.
Books of Interest:
Gender Outlaw - Kate Bornstein
Orlando - Virginia Woolf
Mom, I Need to Be a Girl - [SIZE=-1]Evelyn D. Lindenmuth. Available online in a pdf file.
Men as Women, Women as Men: Changing Gender in Native American Cultures - Sabine Lang and John L. Vantine
[/SIZE]
Movies of Interest:
Transamerica
Boys Don't Cry
A Girl Like Me: The Gwen Arujuo Story
Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Ma Vie En Rose
Southern Comfort
Trans-what?
Transgender and transsexual are two of the most confusing terms to people; even those in the GLBTQ community. Transsexual is generally used to refer to someone who takes steps to undergo surgery and hormone therapy, while transgender is a broader term that can refer to anyone who thinks their external or assigned gender doesnt reflect their internal gender.
Transsexual... that's like hermaphrodites, right?
No. Most transgender/sexual people were born with an otherwise average body for the sex they were born into. Intersexed people are a completely different ballpark, and something I'm not sure I know quite enough about to add to the FAQ. Also, the medical community has started to lean away from the word "hermaphrodite" and towards the word "intersexed" to describe people with ambiguous genitalia.
So youre really a man/woman pretending to be a woman/man?
No, no, no! People seem to be under this impression a lot. Given the way trans issues are presented in the media (Jerry Springer, anyone?), its easy to think this. But were not pretending anything; were being ourselves.
But if your sex is male/female, doesnt that make you a man/woman?
Sociology makes a clear distinction between male and female and man and woman. Male and female typically refers to the genes youre born with, while man and woman is the gender role society expects of you. The gender role someone does (or doesnt) fall into is independent of sex.
How do you know youre a man/woman?
How do you know you are? This is probably one of the most difficult things to explain to non-trans people. Some trans people dont know that theyre a man/woman, just that theyre not a woman/man. Other trans people have known from the time they were young that theyre a man/woman, even though their parents and society tried to convince them otherwise. It really just varies from person to person.
Are you sure youre not just gay?
Some of us are gay, yes. Others are bi, straight, and everything in between. Gender expression is completely independent of sexuality.
So what am I supposed to call you?
My name would be nice. If someone corrects you on their name, dont get into an argument about it. It can take some getting used to if youre used to calling someone by another name, but complying and using the name they ask you to use is the best (and most supportive) thing you could do.
What about pronouns? He? She? It?
Please, not it! It has been used for a long time as a dehumanizing word, and unless someone asks you to call them that, its generally seen as very rude to do so. As for he and she: Whatever the person asks you to use. Its plain rude to use a masculine pronoun when asked to use a feminine one, or vice versa. Itd be like me calling you she when you like to be called he.
My friend is trans. How can I support him/her?
One of the best things you can do would be to treat them just like any other friend you have. Making it clear that you're there for them if they want to vent or anything is a great help, too. Just being there for them is probably going to be a huge help; the world, unfortunately, isn't composed of people as accepting as you guys, and it can be frustrating and wear down on even the strongest of people. Don't push it if they don't want to talk, though.
I also want to toss this out here since I know it happens to so many people in the trans community: It's usually considered very bad manners to introduce someone as "Soandso, my trans friend." Slipping up on pronouns and making a big deal out of it can be just as bad. Some trans people don't mind being open about being trans, but unless someone tells you otherwise it's safe to assume they don't want you outing them to everyone they meet. Being out is their decision to make, not yours.
So why do you want to change your body? Can't you just get over it and live with the one you're in?
Let me sum this up in one word: No. To be more specific: Most of the time, no. Some trans people do elect to not have hormones or surgery, but many do.
I think not feeling at home in your own body because of something like your genitals and secondary sex characteristics is kind of hard to explain to someone that's never felt it. For me it was the constant reminder in the back of my mind that I shouldn't have breasts, that it was just weird for people to call me Ms. and ma'am, and that I just shouldn't be in the women's restroom, since that's for women. It doesn't stop. Pretty much any time someone says something that implies I'm a woman--and until you're uncomfortable with it and realize how much people say things like that, I don't think you realize just how often people do--it makes me uncomfortable. Any time I'm aware I have breasts (which is almost all the time, except when I'm lying down), I'm uncomfortable. Any time I talk and a girl's voice comes out, I'm uncomfortable. Any time I see myself in the mirror I'm uncomfortable. I could name a hundred more things and still have things left over. That's not something you can just "get over".
So what causes transsexuality? Is it how you're raised? Or because of abuse?
Short answer? Nobody knows. The clinical term used for it is gender identity disorder, by the way. In the past it was thought that gender identity disorder was caused solely by psychological factors, like stress, but some recent studies indicate that hormones in the womb or genetic factors may influence it. As of now, however, there is no concrete evidence in either direction.
However, the idea that how you're raised causes it (especially abuse) doesn't apply to even a minority of transgender/sexual people. Remember, we were raised a guys/girls and think ourselves to be something else. I can personally tell you I wasn't abused by any of my relatives or the people that watched me, and I was definitely raised as a girl, albeit a tomboy girl.
Common trans*-related vocabulary:
Gender - what's 'between the ears' rather than between the legs, so to speak. How a person percieves themselves in terms of masculinity and femininity or anything in between.
Sex - chromosome types. XX, XY, XO, XXX, XXY, etc.
Cisgender - literally "on the same side of gender". Used to refer to people that aren't transgender/sexual.
Transman, transguy, etc - a person declared female at birth who identifies as male.
Transwoman, transgirl, etc - a person declared male at birth who identifies as female.
Genderqueer - someone who crosses gender lines. May or may not identify with one or more genders.
Gender-neutral - someone who identifies with neither gender.
Tranny - This is not a word you should call someone unless they tell you it's okay. It's a derogatory term for trans-people, sort of similar to "***" or "dyke".
Links of interest:
Gender Education and Advocacy: Distributed Gender Education - This site contains a variety of .pdf files on transgender issues and information. I found Gender Variance: A Primer to be particularly informative.
Transgender - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia - Although Wiki can be changed to add misleading information, this is a great page for definitions of different trans-related terms.
Rethinking Gender: What Makes Us Male or Female? - Newsweek Health - MSNBC.com - This is a great article on gender and transgender by Newsweek.
Main Page - T-Vox - T-Vox is a transgender wikipedia and has most every topic relating to transgender/sexuality on it.
Books of Interest:
Gender Outlaw - Kate Bornstein
Orlando - Virginia Woolf
Mom, I Need to Be a Girl - [SIZE=-1]Evelyn D. Lindenmuth. Available online in a pdf file.
Men as Women, Women as Men: Changing Gender in Native American Cultures - Sabine Lang and John L. Vantine
[/SIZE]
Movies of Interest:
Transamerica
Boys Don't Cry
A Girl Like Me: The Gwen Arujuo Story
Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Ma Vie En Rose
Southern Comfort