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Featured Too honest?

Discussion in 'Interfaith Discussion' started by Seeker of White Light, Jan 14, 2022.

  1. nPeace

    nPeace Veteran Member

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    When daddy's situation get's worst, the child will think mom lied.
    What else? Being honestly blunt, your examples were stupid, and as I said before, loved by you because it's the world you prefer - one filled with lies, where you can lie, and feel good to.
    That's it?

    Oh. Don't get so riled. I'm trying to help.
     
  2. QuestioningMind

    QuestioningMind Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for an honest reply. I look forward to hearing your honest replies to the other scenarios.

    The scenario you provided is valid. There may be cases when the wife gets a truly awful haircut and needs to be told. But there are other scenarios where the wife gets a hair cut she loves and her friends love and the husband just doesn't happen to like it much, but knows that his wife is looking for some support from her mate. Who is the husband benefiting by being 100% honest with his wife, other than to feed his own ego about what great integrity he has for always being brutally honest? Why is it wrong for him to help his spouse feel good about herself when doing so does no harm to anyone? Though it's true there are other ways to boost her self-esteem, at that moment insisting that you have to be brutally honest will only result in hurting her self-esteem. Again no one benefits, except for the husband's sense of superiority for being so very honest all of the time.
     
  3. nPeace

    nPeace Veteran Member

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    @QuestioningMind here is another real scenario which happens often.
    So much dishonesty in this world. People lie to their spouse, their children, the neighbors, their boss...
    If the boss knows you would not even lie for him, to keep your job, he knows he can trust you. True story.
    There are benefits to always being honest.

    Key Points
    Having integrity means that you live in accordance to your deepest values, you're honest with everyone, and you always keep your word.

    Integrity is a highly valued trait, especially in leaders. When you live with integrity, you're more likely to be considered for important promotions and leadership positions.
     
  4. ParagonofIllumination

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    I think it's not so much too honest as you need to be careful with how you present information. You can tell two people the same thing but change the language to make it something they both understand and won't get offended at. Some people are not ready for full on honesty and the respectful thing to do is to consider each person in their position rather than the position you are in.
     
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  5. Evangelicalhumanist

    Evangelicalhumanist "Truth" isn't a thing...
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    Sometimes it is best to just let me know that there are areas in which you will not respond -- at all.

    As a gay man, I have actually been asked by other men questions like, "does that mean you want to do things to me?" There's no satisfactory "honest" answer to questions like that: "yes" will have them forever suspicious of you, and "no" would be insulting ("what's wrong with me, then?"). So my answer has always been, "I don't respond to such questions."
     
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  6. QuestioningMind

    QuestioningMind Well-Known Member

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    Darn... there goes your ego kicking in again... have to get defensive and can't have a mature conversation. Thought you started this thread to have an honest conversation on the subject. Sadly it appears that the only reason you did is so you can pretend to live in some superior world where everything's always black and white and feel sorry for the rest of us lost souls.

    The examples I gave were real-world examples that believers and non-believers contend with everyday. Sometimes the right choice is for a parent to shield a child from current financial conditions, because six months later Daddy ends up getting a better job and for six months your child wasn't burdened with the anxiety of adult problems they may not be emotionally mature enough to handle.

    But I forgot, you're not interested in an honest conversation, you started this thread to feel superior by 'helping' all of us lesser unenlightened beings find a way into 'your' magical world in which parents never have to struggle with such dilemmas.
     
  7. QuestioningMind

    QuestioningMind Well-Known Member

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    Again, there you go insulting me by suggesting that I don't understand the concept of integrity or the benefits of honesty just because I pointed out some valid reason why 100% honesty isn't always best. It's rather sad and pathetic. You should stop pretending like you want to have a mature conversation and be honest about the fact that the only reason you started this thread was to feed your ego... which from my perspective appears to be pretty enormous.
     
  8. nPeace

    nPeace Veteran Member

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    I did not start this thread @QuestioningMind. You are on the defensive again.
    I like how the article ended...
    To develop and protect your integrity, start by identifying your core values. These are the values that you refuse to compromise on, no matter what. Next, analyze every choice you make to ensure that you're doing the right thing.
    Then, develop a culture of integrity around you, work on building your self-confidence and self-esteem, and develop relationships with others who live with integrity.


    Lying, and thinking it's fine, does not demonstrate integrity, regardless of how much we want to be onsidered as having it.
    That's the reality.
     
  9. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Veteran Member

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    One should always strive to be as honest and truthful as possible. White lies show there is still ego within.
     
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  10. Heyo

    Heyo Veteran Member

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    Yep, people don't value honesty.
     
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  11. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Veteran Member

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    For me personally i have noticed it beginning to be more and more difficult to even say a white kie, to get out of a embarasing situation.
     
  12. Heyo

    Heyo Veteran Member

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    Yeah, ego - or self preservation:

     
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  13. QuestioningMind

    QuestioningMind Well-Known Member

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    I agree, one should always strive to be as honest as possible. But as my examples show, sometimes little white lies are appropriate and have nothing to do with ego.
     
  14. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Veteran Member

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    White lies may be ok for you and others to say :) i dont judge you for that. But speaking only for my self, I can see the path leading toward only use of true words.
     
  15. QuestioningMind

    QuestioningMind Well-Known Member

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    Yes, I realized afterwards that you didn't start the thread... everything I said applies to you responding to my post.

    The reality is that you don't want to have an honest conversation, you just want to boost your ego by pretending that your definition of integrity makes you better than others. You've yet to demonstrate how a husband demonstrates integrity by worsening his wife's self-esteem in order to bolster his own ego about always being 100% truthful. You appear to have a bizarre definition of integrity. You demonstrate a serious lack of integrity by constantly suggesting that I need a lesson on what integrity is and that I'm somehow suggesting that lying is always okay.

    Sorry you think I'm getting defensive just because I'm pointing out your hypocrisy concerning honesty.
     
  16. Heyo

    Heyo Veteran Member

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    I try not to get into embarrassing situations but when you want to get out, just tell the truth. Nobody expects that and it takes everyone off guard.
     
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  17. Heyo

    Heyo Veteran Member

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    Then you might want to let go of that part of your ego that thinks it is important what you are saying.
    Having mastered that it is easy to say nothing at all when only a lie could improve the situation.
     
  18. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Veteran Member

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    Working on that too, yes.
    But I refuse to lie from now on.

    And yes it will create situation where one may not become liked as much, but that is something one has to live with.
     
  19. QuestioningMind

    QuestioningMind Well-Known Member

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    Would you care to reply specifically to my examples? What path do you take that enables you to avoid the possible harm that can come from always being 100% truthful about everything? Do you think it's always more important to be completely honest than it is to shield a child from unnecessary worries or help bolster a friends confidence when he'd nervous about doing something he really wants to try or boost a spouse's self-esteem instead of harming it?

    I agree that a person should strive to be as honest as possible in life, but I also recognize that there are vital relationships people have that are based on the participants not always being 100% honest about everything. There isn't a private relationship I can think of where sometimes a participant doesn't want 100% honesty, they just want support.
     
  20. Heyo

    Heyo Veteran Member

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    That was only ever a problem for me when the person that disliked me for telling the truth was my employer or other person I depended on.
    Your peers are more likely to tolerate or even accept your attitude. They'll learn not to ask you when they don't want an honest answer.
     
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