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  1. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Think before you speak....so stay silent.

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    Is it possible to become a too honest person?

    How to balance saying the truth, and not hurting someone who ask your opinions about someone, something or about the person who ask?
     
    #1 Seeker of White Light, Jan 14, 2022 at 6:44 AM
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2022 at 2:21 PM
  2. Rival

    Rival Divine Adoratrice of Amun
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    Engaging in lashon hara for any reason is generally uncouth and unwarranted. Best say little to nothing.
     
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  3. Geoff-Allen

    Geoff-Allen Resident megalomaniac

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    Hi there!

    Well ... they do say honesty is the best policy. You can't be responsible if people don't "accept" your truth. All you can really say is what is true in your own experience.

    Here's an interesting article about "right speech" - I realise you are Sufi and this is Buddhist advice but still may be useful for your dilemma??

    Right Speech: Five Guidelines for Mastering the Subtle Art of Mindful Communication | YogaUOnline

    So you are not the only one wrestling with such choices.

    It is not easy to always speak the truth with people of a different viewpoint. That is why it is called "practice" I guess.

    Best of luck anyway.

    :)
     
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  4. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Think before you speak....so stay silent.

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    Agree with you on that
     
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  5. 9-10ths_Penguin

    9-10ths_Penguin 1/10 Subway Stalinist
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    Rotary International's "Four-Way Test" seems like a good starting point:

    https://my.rotary.org/en/guiding-principles

    (FYI: this is something I often fail to follow myself)
     
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  6. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Think before you speak....so stay silent.

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    I will take the test to see :) on my self to see if this helps becoming as honest as possible in every situation that will come toward me.
     
  7. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Think before you speak....so stay silent.

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    I believe it also has to do how we word our speech
     
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  8. Nimos

    Nimos Well-Known Member

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    I think one can become to honest. Obviously one should tell the truth as far as possible.

    Lying intentionally can have many benefits and we do it constantly. How many parents haven't told their kids that their drawings or ashtray in clay isn't extremely good, when the honest answer is that its pretty damn **** :D Not saying that, kids drawing etc. can't be good, in fact a lot of them are very good and creative. But the kid gets happy, it might encourage them to do more creative stuff rather than play computer, it might boost their self-confident etc.

    Likewise a person about to commit suicide, I would guess that telling them that everything will be ok, without having a clue if that is actually the case, is a better option than to tell them that things looks pretty damn bad to be honest and there might be very little hope for them.

    There is nothing wrong with lying, it depends on what one is trying to achieve by doing it.
     
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  9. Heyo

    Heyo Well-Known Member

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    Of course it is. My honesty has cost me more than one job. But it has never cost me a friendship, so, choose wisely who is worthy of your honesty.
    If you have to think about if you will be hurting someone, that someone is not your friend. Tell them what they want to hear.
     
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  10. Nakosis

    Nakosis Time Efficient Lollygagger
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    I'm not attached to being honest. Though generally honest as I seldom see a reason to lie, sometimes I do have reason to.
    I don't think it is ok to lie to harm someone else.
    Sometime people will use your honesty to harm someone else.
    Sometimes I rather not hurt someone else's feelings, as you mentioned.
    Sometimes the person is an dick and doesn't deserve honesty.

    IOW I don't see it is immoral to lie in all cases. So I don't think it really think it's beneficial to have an all encompassing rule about lying.
    Sometimes IMO the better course of action is a lie.

    Some people though seem incapable of being truthful. They lie even when there is no reason to do so.
     
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  11. sun rise

    sun rise "This is the Hour of God"
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    There's opinions, then facts and finally truth. The high truth is that we're all loved by God. So anything we say should hopefully convey that truth in what we say and how we say it. But outside of a court of law, we don't need to say everything in a blunt manner.

    There's a story I've heard in multiple versions that informed my view of this issue. It goes something like this: a man renowned for telling the truth was sitting on a rock when a young women ran up and asked for help because rapists were chasing her. He had her hide and moved to another rock. When the rapists ran up and asked if the man had seen the woman, he responded "not while I've been sitting here" allowing the bad guys to draw the wrong conclusion.

    Another issue: a woman asks her boyfriend/husband what he thinks of the hideous dress that makes her look 100 pounds heavier. He of course won't say that but could say something like "Since you asked, I don't think that dress is flattering" (and hope she stops there).
     
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  12. Revoltingest

    Revoltingest Abnormal before it was fashionable
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    Tis an age old issue as this historic documentary footage shows.
     
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  13. F1fan

    F1fan Well-Known Member

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    Only if you are strong enough to manage the consequences of being TOO honest.

    There are times to not be too honest. A wife asks if she looks fat in a certain dress, well, it's ok to be diplomatic. Why? Because the the consequences of honesty will cause weeks of damage.

    Some folks aren't asking for honesty, they are asking for support.

    Edit: See above video as documentary proof.
     
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  14. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Think before you speak....so stay silent.

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    I do agree with you, but I do believe how we phrases our truth can be the way to go, so we do not need to have white lies to satisfy our partner or friends.
     
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  15. F1fan

    F1fan Well-Known Member

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    It goes both ways. If someone asks a loaded question they are opening the door to a confrontation. They aren't asking for honesty. The wise person knows this.
     
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  16. pearl

    pearl Well-Known Member

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    If asked for your honest opinion I think we are obliged to answer honestly. If they really didn't want to hear what you offer, well, that's on them. Ask yourself if they have the right to know or fishing for gossip.
     
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  17. Seeker of White Light

    Seeker of White Light Think before you speak....so stay silent.

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    They have the right to ask, and I have the right to answer according to my understanding and belief :)
    If they dont like it, thats on them.
     
  18. osgart

    osgart Nothing my eye, Something for sure

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    I think being honest is about not only telling what deserves to be said, and doing what deserves to be done, it's also about regarding other people's feelings as they merit such regard.

    To merit such regard all one has to do is be a person of peace with good aims and sincere intentions, and be responsible to the truth.

    No one is doing anyone justice by withholding the truth to spare feelings. It's always best to know the truth of things. Truthfulness is about the good character of things told and done.

    I don't think there is enough honesty or truthfulness in the world.

    I don't think honesty is as simple or stupid as some people make it out to be. It's not a tell all, do all kind of thing. I mean honesty is about what you don't do or say, as much as it is about what you do and say.
     
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  19. Audie

    Audie Veteran Member

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    To ride, shoot dtraight, and tell a lie
    Thats all you need to teach a guy.

    J.W., Wyoming rancher
     
  20. nPeace

    nPeace Well-Known Member

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    To honest? Never.
    Too honest? Maybe.
    There is a time to speak, and a time to be quiet. In other words, one does not have to reveal the truth to those who do not deserve it. Scripture. :)

    It's a matter of how you say it.
    It's better to tell the truth, because most people appreciate an honest answer. Even if they don't like you for saying it, they respect that you were honest.
    Well that's my experience, at least... or maybe it's just me. ;)

    However, it's more important what matters to God, than what matters to humans.
    From Jesus... "I always do the things pleasing to him.. . ." (John 8:29)
    Jesus was not deterred from speaking truth.
    (John 8:40) . . .But now you are seeking to kill me, a man who has told you the truth that I heard from God.. . .
    (Matthew 15:12-14) 12 Then the disciples came and said to him: “Do you know that the Pharisees were stumbled at hearing what you said?” 13 In reply he said: “Every plant that my heavenly Father did not plant will be uprooted. 14 Let them be. Blind guides is what they are. If, then, a blind man guides a blind man, both will fall into a pit.”

    Yes. Jesus was hated, for speaking the truth, and you will be hated for speaking the truth, but which is better?
    (Ephesians 4:25) . . .Therefore, now that you have put away deceit, each one of you speak truth with his neighbor, because we are members belonging to one another.

    Each one has to decide.
     
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