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Threesomes?

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
A couple of months back, I visited a friend of mine, Mike, and discovered he was in a threesome with two women.

He'd met one of the women over the internet, and when he showed up to meet her in person at a coffee shop, she had brought her friend and lover, another woman.

Then, last week I went to visit Mike again and discovered that he had broken up with the women because both of them wanted to get pregnant, which wasn't something he himself wanted to happen. It was not a bitter breakup and the three have parted amicably.

My impression is that, for Mike, the threesome was all about sex, pure and simple. I do not get the impression that he entered into it for any other reason.

However, I'm sure there are threesomes out there that involve love, mutual respect, committment, and so forth.

So, my question is: Are threesomes moral? If so, what makes them moral? If not, what makes them immoral?

Are some threesomes moral while others are immoral? Why?

Please note: A threesome in this thread is different from a lover's triangle. A threesome involves all parties knowing about each other. A lover's triangle typically involves at least one party not knowing about another party to the triangle. In this thread I'd like to debate threesomes, and not debate lovers triangles. Thank you.
 

jeffrey

†ßig Dog†
If all 3 parties are in agreement, party on, dude! Morals are personal. It would not be moral for me. But to say it is immoral for someone else is basing my morals on others, which to me is wrong.
 

Jaymes

The cake is a lie
I know people in polyamorous relationships (or threesomes, or whatever you want to call them ;)), and I see nothing wrong with what they do. They have love and respect for each other. As far as I'm concerned, that's all that matters.
 

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
Jensa said:
I know people in polyamorous relationships (or threesomes, or whatever you want to call them ;)), and I see nothing wrong with what they do. They have love and respect for each other. As far as I'm concerned, that's all that matters.

Would you morally object to a threesome that was not based on love, but only on sex?
 

Revasser

Terrible Dancer
I think they're just fine whether they involve three, four, eight, fifteen or however many people you want. As long as all parties involved are okay with the situation then I don't really think there's any grounds for a moral objection, at least from my point of view.

Whether it's universal love or just for sex, I've got no problem with any of it. If that's what the people involved want, I say enjoy it.
 

cardero

Citizen Mod
Sunstone said:
Would you morally object to a threesome that was not based on love, but only on sex?
Whether it is based on love or not, one still has their work cut out for them.
 

michel

Administrator Emeritus
Staff member
Sunstone said:
Would you morally object to a threesome that was not based on love, but only on sex?

I'll answer that, from my perspective.

Since joining the forum, I have really surprised myself by how I now answer questions, that had they been posed to me before joining, I think the answers would have been very different.

Not that it is my personal taste, but if someone wants a threesome, I don't see anything 'morally wrong'....but to be quite frank, if it was for sex alone (for some strange reason), it would be more understandable.
 

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
cardero said:
Whether it is based on love or not, one still has their work cut out for them.

It sure seems like it! When I visited Mike during the time he was in a threesome, he was loosing weight, sleeping late, and eating more. Must have been work for him!
 

Flappycat

Well-Known Member
Well, the more individuals you have in a relationship, the more complicated the relationship becomes. You see, it's complicated enough with two people, but, with a third, each of the three must work to maintain a good relationship between the other two, all must understand how to relate to the others both together and seperately under several circumstances, each must make sure that they AND both others feel that they are permanent and unique fixtures in the relationship and not "second-best" of the same thing, they each need to make sure that both others feel that they, as a pair, are more important to the one than they could be seperately, &c. A three-person relationship is just too complicated and too much work for most people and really shouldn't be sought.

However, some actually do make such complex relationships work out, and it is wrong to consider these people immoral. They are the furthest thing from immoral if they have found enough love and maturity among themselves to function as a trio. It is something that takes cooperation and teamwork. I wouldn't advise most people to even attempt it; for most, it is something that could only end in tears.
 

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
michel said:
I'll answer that, from my perspective.

Since joining the forum, I have really surprised myself by how I now answer questions, that had they been posed to me before joining, I think the answers would have been very different.

Not that it is my personal taste, but if someone wants a threesome, I don't see anything 'morally wrong'....but to be quite frank, if it was for sex alone (for some strange reason), it would be more understandable.

I agree with you, Michel. Threesomes aren't my sport, but then I have no objection to others engaging in them, so long as they are consenting adults and aren't abusive of anyone.

I also agree that, strangely enough, it seems easier to imagine a threesome for sex alone than it is to imagine a loving, committed relationship. I wonder if that's not because one assumes a lot of sex is going on, and then concludes that must be the purpose? I don't know.
 

michel

Administrator Emeritus
Staff member
Sunstone said:
I agree with you, Michel. Threesomes aren't my sport, but then I have no objection to others engaging in them, so long as they are consenting adults and aren't abusive of anyone.

I also agree that, strangely enough, it seems easier to imagine a threesome for sex alone than it is to imagine a loving, committed relationship. I wonder if that's not because one assumes a lot of sex is going on, and then concludes that must be the purpose? I don't know.

I think you're right; somehow, it almost sounds 'more honest' if it is for the sex alone (and just as I write that I know it doesn't sound right)
 

Flappycat

Well-Known Member
Well, I tend to think that a REAL threesome is more likely to occur under unintended circumstances. The sort of people who could maintain a healthy threesome, I think, would also be intelligent enough to understand why they shouldn't pursue one, but crap happens, even to the best of us.
 

Jaymes

The cake is a lie
Sunstone said:
Would you morally object to a threesome that was not based on love, but only on sex?
Not a bit. As long as everyone's consenting and being honest about it, it's all good.
 

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
Flappycat said:
Well, the more individuals you have in a relationship, the more complicated the relationship becomes. You see, it's complicated enough with two people, but, with a third, each of the three must work to maintain a good relationship between the other two, all must understand how to relate to the others both together and seperately under several circumstances, each must make sure that they AND both others feel that they are permanent and unique fixtures in the relationship and not "second-best" of the same thing, they each need to make sure that both others feel that they, as a pair, are more important to the one than they could be seperately, &c. A three-person relationship is just too complicated and too much work for most people and really shouldn't be sought.

However, some actually do make such complex relationships work out, and it is wrong to consider these people immoral. They are the furthest thing from immoral if they have found enough love and maturity among themselves to function as a trio. It is something that takes cooperation and teamwork. I wouldn't advise most people to even attempt it; for most, it is something that could only end in tears.

That's an interesting set of points, Flappycat. I agree wholeheartedly. In practice, there would be quite a few moral challenges in a threesome. Such as how to treat everyone fairly. If three people can pull a loving threesome off, they just might be extraordinarily moral individuals. Ironic, don't you think?
 

evearael

Well-Known Member
Are threesomes moral? If so, what makes them moral? If not, what makes them immoral? Personally, I am monogamous with a vengence so I would never engage in a threesome. I've also never seen a threesome actually work out for a long term relationship, and since I view sex as being something only appropriate for a committed long term relationship... I am skeptical that you can equally divide true love between multiple partners. However, I wouldn't presume to tell others that the act is immoral because all I am standing on is my personal attachment to monogamy, not a particular ethic that prohibits it.

Are some threesomes moral while others are immoral? Why?
I wouldn't see the ethics of relationships applying any differently with threesomes than couples.
 

Flappycat

Well-Known Member
Sunstone said:
That's an interesting set of points, Flappycat. I agree wholeheartedly. In practice, there would be quite a few moral challenges in a threesome. Such as how to treat everyone fairly. If three people can pull a loving threesome off, they just might be extraordinarily moral individuals. Ironic, don't you think?
Absolutely.
 

Aqualung

Tasty
I think they are immoral, because I believe that a man should only have one wife, and should definitely not be sleeping with somebody who isn't his wife anyway.
 

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
Aqualung said:
I think they are immoral, because I believe that a man should only have one wife, and should definitely not be sleeping with somebody who isn't his wife anyway.
Why should a man have only one wife, or only one sex partner? What is your reasoning here?
 

Draka

Wonder Woman
I see nothing wrong with threesomes, or foursomes or so on. If we are talking about relationships here, then there is nothing that says you can't love more than one person at a time, in fact, most people do whether they admit it or not. If Jill is in love with Randy and Joe (and they both know this) and Randy loves both Jill and Carrie (and they both know this) and so on, and they all get along and can honestly care about each other, then that is the definition of a working polyamorous relationship. If certain participants so love and care for each other that they have sex in a threesome manner and that works well for them, then so be it. I don't find that immoral at all. It's an expression of love.

On the "only sex" end of threesomes/menage a trois, if all are consenting, willing, mature adults about it, then all the more fun for them I guess. Whatever trips your trigger people. I don't judge these things as immoral.
 

Aqualung

Tasty
Sunstone said:
Why should a man have only one wife, or only one sex partner? What is your reasoning here?
God said so.

It's the "just do it" principle especially apparant in Deuteronomy.
 
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