Thought You May need to smile

[Evenstar]

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psyco Path.

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice Too Long?
Polaroid's.

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick.

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro SInco

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore TheirBelt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer
And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.


22. How Is A Texas Tornado And An Alabama Divorce The Same?
Sombody's Gonna Lose A Trailer!

Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile!!!

 

[Buttons*]

awww! all of em made me smile! *hugs* thanks, i needed those today! *smiles*

 

[standing_alone]

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese

:biglaugh: I loved this one! I couldn't stop laughing. I'll I could picture was some stereotypical gangser saying, "That's notcho cheese." :biglaugh:

(Sorry if I offend anybody with my ignorant stereotype )

 

[Buttercup]

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog. :biglaugh: Ba dum dum. Thanks for the chuckles Evenstar!

 

[Buttercup]

:biglaugh: I loved this one! I couldn't stop laughing. I'll I could picture was some stereotypical gangser saying, "That's notcho cheese." :biglaugh:

Come on be honest! You liked this joke cuz you're from Wisconsin! Someone merely whispers the word cheese and you're so in....!

 

[Evenstar]

I liked this one:

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

See there's the Wicked Christian coming out in me again

 

[standing_alone]

Come on be honest! You liked this joke cuz you're from Wisconsin! Someone merely whispers the word cheese and you're so in....!

That's a generalization!

Okay, you're right. But I did think of the gangster, I'm not lying.

 

[Buttons*]

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

....mooooooo!

 

[lilithu]

Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile!!!

Yeah, I smiled at all of them.

I got this in my email today and I didn't want to start a new thread on it so I'll post it here:

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

This is done by the chip monks.

 

[Buttercup]

Yeah, I smiled at all of them.

I got this in my email today and I didn't want to start a new thread on it so I'll post it here:

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

This is done by the chip monks.

:biglaugh:Had me going there for a minute thinking it was a true story!

 

[jeffrey]

I like number 7! :biglaugh:

 

[mrscardero]

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psyco Path.

Considering where I work, I like this one.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Thanks!

 

[Mister_T]

You forgot my favorite one:

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.

(no offence Buttercup)

 

[SoyLeche]

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter - he's not gonna come

 

[CaptainXeroid]

I have to admit feeling a little guilty laughing at some of these.

...
21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer
And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack...

This reminds me of the old saying

If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is NOT for you. :jester3:

Lord, I apologize for tellin' the joke about the skydiver....and be with the starving pygmies down there in New Guinea....amen!