Thinking about Abandoning my Family

[Trailblazer]

True. But I remember thinking when watching my aunt and uncle why they wouldnt get a divorce if they hated each other so much. And I sometimes wish they had much sooner as it would have made them less miserable for a lot less longer. However that might not be the best thing here. It all depends on the situation and I am not part of it.

True, if spouses hate each other that is a reason for a divorce. I think many people hate their spouses at times, in the heat of the moment, but if one feels that way all the time, then there is an aversion. Having an aversion for each other is the only reason for a divorce in my religion because that is no way to live.

 

[Valjean]

They don't love me at all... The children won't speak to me, the mother is always angry... I think it's maybe time to leave, and start a new life somewhere far away. Somewhere where there's greener pastures. Anyone here ever do this..?

Sure -- it worked for me. I never really socialized with anyone in my family. My parents sometimes blamed me for things I didn't do, and I was always worried my siblings would report my social goings-on to my parents, so outside of the house I avoided them.

So when I left for Uni that was the last anyone in my family ever heard of or from me. Problem solved.
That was 50 years ago.

With billions of people in the world there's no shortage of potential friends, and endless opportunities for establishing new social groups. There's no need for incompatible people to continue inflicting themselves on each other.

 

[Secret Chief]

None of us are qualified to act that way.

Please try to find someone qualified.

This, cooky.

 

[Brickjectivity]

They don't love me at all... The children won't speak to me, the mother is always angry... I think it's maybe time to leave, and start a new life somewhere far away. Somewhere where there's greener pastures. Anyone here ever do this..?

I've never been married. Some ministers are social workers and may be able to help you figure out what's going on with your wife. Maybe you afford a psychatrist just to talk to? They're paid to listen and not snitch. You may be able to get it covered by your health insurance, too.

A lawyer may also be necessary if you've got to leave someone you're legally married to. I'm pretty sure there are liabilities involved, things that can make it very difficult. You want to consider your options and know your liabilities.

 

[QuestioningMind]

They don't love me at all... The children won't speak to me, the mother is always angry... I think it's maybe time to leave, and start a new life somewhere far away. Somewhere where there's greener pastures. Anyone here ever do this..?

If you want to leave your marriage that's fine. But when you say you want to 'abandon' them it sounds like you want to ignore your responsibilities.

 

[Bird123]

They don't love me at all... The children won't speak to me, the mother is always angry... I think it's maybe time to leave, and start a new life somewhere far away. Somewhere where there's greener pastures. Anyone here ever do this..?

Running from problems is never the answer. Problems must be solved.

Kids won't speak to you??? Are you saying anything they want to hear??

Wife angry? Communication is key in any relationship. The answer awaits.

I have seen many couple clawing and scratching to get get get ending up so miserable. Little do they realize that those that give end up with so much more. When you give to someone, it makes them want to give back. This is a lesson many need to learn.

No love in the house? It's mighty hard to hate or be angry with one who loves you Unconditionally. Work on Loving others Unconditionally. You will Discover Loving those around you Unconditionally will change everyone around you.

Sometimes to change our lives we must change ourselves. If we do the same things, how can we expect different results??

Like I said. Communication is key in any relationship. Further, relationships take work, interest, and attention. Before the True Love of my life died, there was not a single day that went by that she did not feel my Unconditional Love for her. I never had to wonder whether she knew I loved her. I left no doubts.

Choosing is far too important to allow others to make our choices for us. In the Big scheme of things, Brains will win in the end. Let us all strive to make the most Intelligent choices going forward and if our choices prove to be not so intelligent, Let's learn what is and move forward.

Each has the ability to shape their life. All one must do is act!!

That's what I see. It's very clear!!

 

[stvdv]

If you want to leave your marriage that's fine. But when you say you want to 'abandon' them it sounds like you want to ignore your responsibilities.

Reading @Cookie his story I get the feeling that they abandoned him already. Maybe not physical, but emotionally and mentally. Which can be worse.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

It sometimes has to be done.
After my brother died, my family who couldn't drop their grudges, drop the crap and get over themselves I'm done with. If they argued over their petty crap I'm done with them. This includes my parents (also because they just do not treat me well) and my second oldest nephew. I just don't have the "**** bucks" to invest in them.
But you should really try professional counseling first and make the efforts to make things work. But you can't do all the work for others, and if you give and they aren't willing to give in return, sometimes there just is no salvaging a relationship.

 

[Estro Felino]

As others have already said, communication is the key word here.

 

[Samael_Khan]

They don't love me at all... The children won't speak to me, the mother is always angry... I think it's maybe time to leave, and start a new life somewhere far away. Somewhere where there's greener pastures. Anyone here ever do this..?

Maybe you should ask yourself where you responsibility lies. Because shirking responsibility is not a good thing as it will cause the rift between you and your family to grow. Communication is the key to fix the problem I think.

 

[Sunstone]

@Cooky if you decide to leave, try not to burn your bridges. You don't know now where you will be a few years from now, and you also don't know where they will be.

 

[stvdv]

@Cooky if you decide to leave, try not to burn your bridges

Bridges are always good too keep, unless they are booby trapped of course. So, I agree that it's wise to not just burn them, only if booby trapped

 

[Valjean]

If you want to leave your marriage that's fine. But when you say you want to 'abandon' them it sounds like you want to ignore your responsibilities.

He didn't report any responsibilities, just problems. I sounded like all concerned would be happier if they separated.

Running from problems is never the answer. Problems must be solved.

Why is running from a problems never a solution? If the problem is a dysfunctional association, wouldn't it go away if there was no more association/?
[/quote]Kids won't speak to you??? Are you saying anything they want to hear??

Wife angry? Communication is key in any relationship. The answer awaits.

I have seen many couple clawing and scratching to get get get ending up so miserable. Little do they realize that those that give end up with so much more. When you give to someone, it makes them want to give back. This is a lesson many need to learn.

But why claw and scratch, and spend so much effort to fix a problem you could just walk away from? The problem goes away when you do.

No love in the house? It's mighty hard to hate or be angry with one who loves you Unconditionally. Work on Loving others Unconditionally. You will Discover Loving those around you Unconditionally will change everyone around you.

'Unconditional' anything is potentially problematic.

Sometimes to change our lives we must change ourselves. If we do the same things, how can we expect different results??

Like I said. Communication is key in any relationship. Further, relationships take work, interest, and attention. Before the True Love of my life died, there was not a single day that went by that she did not feel my Unconditional Love for her. I never had to wonder whether she knew I loved her. I left no doubts.

Choosing is far too important to allow others to make our choices for us. In the Big scheme of things, Brains will win in the end. Let us all strive to make the most Intelligent choices going forward and if our choices prove to be not so intelligent, Let's learn what is and move forward.

Each has the ability to shape their life. All one must do is act!!

That's what I see. It's very clear!!

Not so clear. Sounds like a lot of sentimental platitudes. Why go to all the effort to repair a thing when there are functional replacements everywhere?

 

[Revoltingest]

They don't love me at all... The children won't speak to me, the mother is always angry... I think it's maybe time to leave, and start a new life somewhere far away. Somewhere where there's greener pastures. Anyone here ever do this..?

I've seen people abandon their family, & it's worked out well
for some....poorly for others. The successful ones didn't
abandon the whole family. They remained involved with
the kids' lives.
I can't give you any advice other than carefully considering
things, & getting advice from more knowledgeable people.

 

[SalixIncendium]

Ever since my wife has become diabetic, she's become a different person.

As someone who has successfully completed three marriages, this sentence alone stands out to me.

When a relationship is on the rocks, it's easy to find fault in the other person and shift all the blame to them. But I will implore you to not make the same mistakes I made. Do a very detailed self-assessment to see how you've changed.

If find you think you haven't, then assess what contributions you've made to the relationship.

In my case, I've found I suck at relationships, and while I wasn't entirely at fault, I'm entirely too set in my ways to be with another.

 

[stvdv]

Running from problems is never the answer. Problems must be solved.

I have been told "Never say never, unless you are 100% sure". Are you 100% sure about @Cookie? Seems to me that "never" is out of place here

 

[stvdv]

When you give to someone, it makes them want to give back. This is a lesson many need to learn.

You ever tried living with a narcissist, psychopath, sociopath ... you giving Love ... they wanting to give you Love in return? I had to learn the opposite lesson

 

[stvdv]

Work on Loving others Unconditionally. You will Discover Loving those around you Unconditionally will change everyone around you.

Also needed is to love yourself when loving unconditionally others; e.g. loving tigers or serial killers unconditionally might probably get you killed

No love in the house? It's mighty hard to hate or be angry with one who loves you Unconditionally

Do you know 1 human who is able to love "Unconditionally" (has no ego). Remember "married till death do us part" is conditionally

Before the True Love of my life died, there was not a single day that went by that she did not feel my Unconditional Love for her. I never had to wonder whether she knew I loved her. I left no doubts.

Quite a thing to say of one self. I am not able to love others unconditionally, though I applaud such a goal; I leave it to others to tell this about me

 

[stvdv]

Sometimes to change our lives we must change ourselves. If we do the same things, how can we expect different results??

Sounds good to me.

Choosing is far too important to allow others to make our choices for us.
Let us all strive to make the most Intelligent choices going forward
if our choices prove to be not so intelligent, Let's learn what is and move forward.

Sounds good to me

Each has the ability to shape their life. All one must do is act!!

That's what I see. It's very clear!!

Sounds good to me.

@Cookie seems to be ready to act, reading his OP

 

[Revoltingest]

As someone who has successfully completed three marriages, this sentence alone stands out to me.

When a relationship is on the rocks, it's easy to find fault in the other person and shift all the blame to them. But I will implore you to not make the same mistakes I made. Do a very detailed self-assessment to see how you've changed.

If find you think you haven't, then assess what contributions you've made to the relationship.

In my case, I've found I suck at relationships, and while I wasn't entirely at fault, I'm entirely too set in my ways to be with another.