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Thinking about Abandoning my Family

Discussion in 'Member Announcements' started by Cooky, Jan 23, 2021.

  1. Cooky

    Cooky Veteran Member

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    They don't love me at all... The children won't speak to me, the mother is always angry... I think it's maybe time to leave, and start a new life somewhere far away. Somewhere where there's greener pastures. Anyone here ever do this..?


     
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  2. Cooky

    Cooky Veteran Member

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    Ever since my wife has become diabetic, she's become a different person.

    ...I just don't know if I have the courage or strength to go it alone in life. But I'm wasting my life the longer I remain in place... The clock is ticking...
     
  3. Cooky

    Cooky Veteran Member

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    I want you all to be my psycho therapists.
     
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  4. Rival

    Rival Veteran Member
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    I'm honestly not sure you need us to tell you this is a bad idea.

    Please try talking it through with your wife.
     
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  5. sun rise

    sun rise "This is the Hour of God"
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    None of us are qualified to act that way.

    Please try to find someone qualified.
     
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  6. epronovost

    epronovost Well-Known Member

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    If you are miserable in a couple, it's high time for divorce though you still have a responsability to your kid and you should expect and make sure to pay child support. Also avoid useless arguments in front of them if your spouse and keep the door open for them should they want to reconnect with you or vice versa.

    If you want to make it work or actually have a real expert opinion go see a therapist and see what gives. It's always more prudent to follow this and do some research and soul searching before that kind of decision. That's unless you believe yourself to be in danger of course.
     
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  7. lostwanderingsoul

    lostwanderingsoul Well-Known Member

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    Walking out is a coward's way. Don't the wedding vows say for better or worse and in sickness and health?
     
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  8. WalterTrull

    WalterTrull Godfella

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    Hey. I did that when I was 22. Married at 19, knew nothing. Fighting all the time. Unfortunately, had a 2 year old daughter. Didn't want to work it out. Wanted my own life. I left and "joined the circus". Led a hedonist life for about 10 years. Learned that living my own life is not what it's about.
    Remarried, now for 43 years. Working it out constantly. My wife has dementia and sometimes doesn't know who I am. I will never leave her or put her in a "home". Moved into assisted living so I could be with her all the time with basics covered by someone else. We sleep together and I wake her up when she has screaming nightmares. This is what it's about. I'm almost 80 now; she's older that that. This is love that I was never taught. I had to learn it.
    If at all possible, work it out.
    "For better or worse" means something more than I ever knew.
     
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  9. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
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    Talk to you wife about how serious the situation has become, and perhaps includea guidance counselor.
     
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  10. Cooky

    Cooky Veteran Member

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    Your story made me cry...
     
  11. Terrywoodenpic

    Terrywoodenpic Oldest Heretic

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    It takes two to argue. And two to make up.
    You seem to be blaming your wife.
    What has been your own part in all this.

    Perhaps you need to sort your self out first.
     
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  12. Regiomontanus

    Regiomontanus retired astronomer

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    What do you think, as a Catholic, is the right thing to do? Does your wife share your faith?

    I wish you the best.

    When a Catholic Marriage is in Trouble - Catholic Counselors
    Catholic Therapist Directory - Find Catholic Therapist - CatholicTherapists.com
     
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  13. Unveiled Artist

    Unveiled Artist Veteran Member

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    That's terrible. Even if, heaven forbid, there were child abuse in a given family?

    God wants couples to live in sin?
     
  14. JustGeorge

    JustGeorge Well-Known Member
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    You can't just go away and forget it all. Yeah, you can go away, but that won't leave a thing behind. It will follow you.

    I don't know the ages of your children, but that makes a big difference to do. Its never worth walking out because a child is behaving like.... a child.

    What's going on with your wife? If she's having a health problem, is a medication making her angry?(I have seen that happen a lot.) Is she afraid for her well being? You guys probably need to sit down and talk; both to yourselves, a therapist of some sort, and a physician.
     
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  15. Trailblazer

    Trailblazer Veteran Member

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    Here is another perspective: I only wish I was fortunate enough to have children even if they did not speak to me. But I know what it is like to have an angry spouse. It seems like I cannot say anything to my husband that does not make him angry and defensive. He thinks everything is a criticism of him even when it isn't about him, as what I am talking about is about me. It is very stressful because we just do not communicate very well.

    Also, he acts like he is dying all the time. He is 78 but not all men give up living at that age. Severe asthma is the only diagnosed health issue he has and he has medicine for that. He has no physical limitations and his mind is sharp. His urinary and bowel issues he complains about are probably not serious, but I cannot get him to go to the doctor. If they are serious and he dies it won't be my fault. He won't do anything he does not want to do, so it is best just to leave him alone, except when we have to talk about something related to the cats or what we are going to eat for dinner, or when we are going grocery shopping, etc.

    I cannot say I do not wish for a better life and someone who is actually a partner to share it with, but how could I know it would be better with someone else? I do not want to blame him for everything. I want to see my part in all of this, but the problem is that he will not talk about how he feels about anything, except for his physical health, so that is why I just have to assume he is okay with our lifestyle; either that or he feels it is hopeless to change it. That of course leaves it to me to make any changes in our lifestyle and I feel hopeless too so I cannot make any decisions.

    I think about greener pastures all the time, but I would never leave our eight cats behind, and that is one thing that keeps me here in my present lifestyle. It is not only my husband who is the problem, it is our lifestyle. He knows that because I talk about it all the time, but he is not going to do anything different because he is completely set in his routine. He is not going to make any decisions, but if I decided to sell the houses and head off to live somewhere else, he would go with me. He just does not want to take any initiative. I have no idea what he is thinking because he never talks about anything he is thinking or feeling about our life. He used to talk about politics and religion, but he does not even talk much about those anymore. It is as if he has given up on life.
     
    #15 Trailblazer, Jan 23, 2021
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2021
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  16. Trailblazer

    Trailblazer Veteran Member

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    Thanks, that was very helpful. We have been married for over 35 years and we have always worked it out.

    I just described my "problems" but what you said made me realize that everything in life is relative. I know I am lucky to have what I have but I have a genetic predisposition towards depression so I see things through a glass darkly, and it does not help that my husband is never happy and has given up on life.
     
    #16 Trailblazer, Jan 23, 2021
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2021
  17. Trailblazer

    Trailblazer Veteran Member

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    I also cried. What he described is real love. All other kinds of love are transitory.
     
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  18. Ray Warren

    Ray Warren They/Them

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    I don't really like how judgemental some of these people are being. I dont know your situation and I dont know whats best for you. But I side with these two people. Think long and hard before making any decisions.I know I'm probably not the best person to give advice here tho as Ive never been married. But I've seen how bad a marriage can get and its hard on the kids.
     
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  19. Trailblazer

    Trailblazer Veteran Member

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    That's true, but divorce is also hard on kids.
     
  20. Ray Warren

    Ray Warren They/Them

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    True. But I remember thinking when watching my aunt and uncle why they wouldnt get a divorce if they hated each other so much. And I sometimes wish they had much sooner as it would have made them less miserable for a lot less longer. However that might not be the best thing here. It all depends on the situation and I am not part of it.
     
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