The wrong religion

[Quintessence]

I'm not one to harp on about there being a right religion and a wrong religion in the sense we typically see in conversation. I'm a pluralist, not an exclusivist; you won't catch me saying that one specific religion is the only correct one and that all others are incontrovertibly wrong. However, people do made bad lifestyle choices and have habits that they need to drop. Religion can be one of them.

In this thread, I'd like us to discuss how to tell if your current religion might be the wrong one for you. We might start by taking a look at how religion functions in people's lives. If I had to write up some general guidelines for everybody to heed, it might go something like this:

Top signs that you're practicing the wrong religion​

• Your religion is not acting as a positive influence in your life. It is a source of fear, anxiety, or depression instead of a source of happiness, joy, and comfort. This, above all else, is the top sign you're practicing the wrong religion. Your religion should never ever be a negative influence in your life. If it is, drop it right now like a bad habit.
• There is a disconnect between your religion and your overall way of life. There are many forms that this can take but in particular:
  • the things that you value the most are not a focus of your religion
  • your sense of character (i.e., virtues, ethics, morals) is not informed by your religion
  • the lifestyle you cultivate is unrelated to your religion
  • any of the above, especially when who you currently are and what you currently do is discouraged or condemned by your religion
• The stories told by your religion are not interesting to you. They don't engage you or have aesthetic appeal to you. You'd rather listen to some other stories instead.
• You don't practice any of the rituals common to your religion because they don't hold meaning to you. In some cases, you might think these rituals are downright stupid.
• You've found yourself disagreeing with many of the creeds, ideas, or doctrines of your religion. You hold to other ideas instead that are not present, uncommon, or perhaps even condemned in your religion.

Consider this a rough draft; I've never sat down to pontificate upon this before, so please bear with me. What other things might you add to signs you're practicing the wrong religion? Do you disagree with any of the signs I included above?

 

[The Hammer]

This is pretty spot on Quintessence.

I think we can also add that, if your religion is in anyway threatening you, or the way you live, it is not the right religion. But that may fall under disagreeing with ideas and creeds/not meshing with lifestyle.

 

[Infinitum]

This should be made a sticky.

 

[Jainarayan]

What other things might you add to signs you're practicing the wrong religion?

• Having a 'lackluster' feeling about it.
• Just plain doubting your God(s); either their existence and/or feeling a distance from them.

Do you disagree with any of the signs I included above?

Nope, not a one. There is just so much win in this post it makes me giddy.

 

[Quintessence]

I thought about including doubting the god(s), but decided not to include it for a couple of reasons. First, because not all religions are theistic and I wanted to keep this list broadly applicable to all religions. Second, because experiencing doubt seems normal to me, at least to a point. If it's a pervasive, nagging doubt that is disruptive, then that can be a good sign to pause, take a step back, and examine why. It may mean the theistic religion is wrong for you, but it could also mean you need to adjust your expectations.

I'm also not sure about the lackluster feeling. As with doubt, I think that this happens to most of us periodically as life takes its twists and turns. Again, if it is pervasive and persistent that would definitely be cause for examination. All of us have times where our practice feels stale, and that is cause to liven things up with something new, not necessarily to abandon it. Am I making sense?

 

[Jainarayan]

I thought about including doubting the god(s), but decided not to include it for a couple of reasons. First, because not all religions are theistic and I wanted to keep this list broadly applicable to all religions.

Sure, good point. I'll qualify it and say that for the theistic religions, feeling a chronic distance from deities is cause for examination.

Second, because experiencing doubt seems normal to me, at least to a point. If it's a pervasive, nagging doubt that is disruptive, then that can be a good sign to pause, take a step back, and examine why. It may mean the theistic religion is wrong for you, but it could also mean you need to adjust your expectations.

I'm also not sure about the lackluster feeling. As with doubt, I think that this happens to most of us periodically as life takes its twists and turns. Again, if it is pervasive and persistent that would definitely be cause for examination.

Yes, it is the persistent, pervasive feeling I mean. Everyone loses a little bit of faith at times, but it's when it becomes chronic that one has to step back and examine it.

 

[Riverwolf]

I would say if the religion is centered around a congregation that's obligatory, with real-life consequences for non-attendance or not paying the tribute (whether it's simply continued nagging even after leaving, or as serious as threatening life), that's probably the wrong religion.

 

[Quintessence]

I would say if the religion is centered around a congregation that's obligatory, with real-life consequences for non-attendance or not paying the tribute (whether it's simply continued nagging even after leaving, or as serious as threatening life), that's probably the wrong religion.

I'll have to think about that one.

On the one hand, I recognize that social obligations are an inevitable part of being a social animal, that that consequences for failing to participate in a society or culture are likewise inevitable. For example, if you're an American citizen, you pay taxes. There are real-life consequences for not paying your taxes. Does this make America the wrong country to live in? Perhaps a controversial example, but it was something that I thought of when reading this. Cultures and such have an obligation to preserve themselves to provide services... or simply to exist!

On the other hand, there are definitely cases of abuse. One of the hallmarks of a cult is exactly what you're talking about. The group maintains such strict control over the person's life that leaving is not even an option. And if you try to, you are manipulated to stick with the group. If you somehow manage to get out, your life is screwed up and you have psychological issues, in addition to facing the wrath of the organization.

 

[Riverwolf]

I'll have to think about that one.

On the one hand, I recognize that social obligations are an inevitable part of being a social animal, that that consequences for failing to participate in a society or culture are likewise inevitable. For example, if you're an American citizen, you pay taxes. There are real-life consequences for not paying your taxes. Does this make America the wrong country to live in? Perhaps a controversial example, but it was something that I thought of when reading this. Cultures and such have an obligation to preserve themselves to provide services... or simply to exist!

On the other hand, there are definitely cases of abuse. One of the hallmarks of a cult is exactly what you're talking about. The group maintains such strict control over the person's life that leaving is not even an option. And if you try to, you are manipulated to stick with the group. If you somehow manage to get out, your life is screwed up and you have psychological issues, in addition to facing the wrath of the organization.

Exactly.

If I chose to renounce my American citizenship and immigrate somewhere else, the US government won't come looking for me unless I've broken some major law.

Certain obligations are necessary for survival, and that's fine. It's when those obligations are overstepped, and not up for any discussion whatsoever, that's where there's problems.

 

[George-ananda]

I guess I'm thinking I don't see many people in life or on RF that practice a religion in the sense of fully accepting an organized religion with a creed, dogma, etc. and accepting every point of the religion as their position. They might have some connection to a religion but this will not stop their independent thinking. I'm wondering if your list would have made more sense just 50 or 75 years ago.

 

[dgirl1986]

A fair amount of the points you made led me to turn away from religion entirely.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

A fair amount of the points you made led me to turn away from religion entirely.

Just submit atheism to the same questions, then.

 

[dgirl1986]

Just submit atheism to the same questions, then.

Oh I have, which is why I have started a podcast. If I have issues with certain ideas I am not shy to say so.

 

[Jainarayan]

I think that what you're seeing is a culmination of the past 40 or 50 years. We see right on this site how many people are seeking, blending, melding and weeding out their beliefs. People aren't willing to sit back anymore and accept what their religions teach and put forth if it doesn't sit well with them. So much that the Catholic Church even launched a "Come Home" advertising campaign.

 

[LegionOnomaMoi]

Am I a terrible person (well, granting that I know I am, if I weren't would the following make me one) for realizing the OP is great, the thread important and comments insightful, and yet all I can think of adding now is the lyrics to R.E.M.s ' "Losing my religion"?

 

[Quintessence]

A fair amount of the points you made led me to turn away from religion entirely.

I think that if our culture embraced a broader understanding of what it means to be religious, this wouldn't be an issue. In some respects, regarding religion through a telescopic lens is part of what causes some of the issues I list in the OP. What the person's true religion is - the thing that really governs their way of life, their ideals, their values, their deeds - isn't what they call their religion. That, to me, means that what they claim is their religion is not only wrong for them, it is not really their religion anyway. One's religion flows from what one is. If it is being forced or is otherwise contrived, it's not an expression of what religion is supposed to do in a person's life and to me, not that person's religion at all.

I think that what you're seeing is a culmination of the past 40 or 50 years. We see right on this site how many people are seeking, blending, melding and weeding out their beliefs. People aren't willing to sit back anymore and accept what their religions teach and put forth if it doesn't sit well with them. So much that the Catholic Church even launched a "Come Home" advertising campaign.

It seems to me that religious expression is always individual, even if that person claims membership in an organized, dogmatic religion. Syncretism isn't new either, and has been going on since we've been documenting the phenomena of cultures and religions. Maybe we're learning to be more honest about that. I'd like to think so, anyway.

 

[dgirl1986]

I think that if our culture embraced a broader understanding of what it means to be religious, this wouldn't be an issue. In some respects, regarding religion through a telescopic lens is part of what causes some of the issues I list in the OP. What the person's true religion is - the thing that really governs their way of life, their ideals, their values, their deeds - isn't what they call their religion. That, to me, means that what they claim is their religion is not only wrong for them, it is not really their religion anyway. One's religion flows from what one is. If it is being forced or is otherwise contrived, it's not an expression of what religion is supposed to do in a person's life and to me, not that person's religion at all.

I think there are things in life that have a function similar to religion without it being a religion if that makes sense.

I guess you say that being a decent human being and trying to improve the life of others, human and non, is my "religion".

 

[Quintessence]

I think there are things in life that have a function similar to religion without it being a religion if that makes sense.

I guess you say that being a decent human being and trying to improve the life of others, human and non, is my "religion".

Sure. In the end "religion" just a label. I'll readily admit I have a zany way of using that label compared to most in my culture. I blame a combination of being exposed to Unitarian Universalism, certain college professors, my dad, Neopaganism, and also definitely my nutty pattern-thinking brain.

 

[LuisDantas]

I guess I'm thinking I don't see many people in life or on RF that practice a religion in the sense of fully accepting an organized religion with a creed, dogma, etc. and accepting every point of the religion as their position. They might have some connection to a religion but this will not stop their independent thinking. I'm wondering if your list would have made more sense just 50 or 75 years ago.

Trust me, such people do exist, although fortunately they are comparatively rare. Come to think of it, those traits are one of the main useful distinctions between "religions" and "cults" as the terms are used in some contexts.

Quite a lot of sorrow comes from our collective failure to detect and deal such situations nearly as often as we should. Some creeds are very insistent indeed in creating them. I can think of two out of the top of my head.

 

[Jainarayan]

Maybe we're learning to be more honest about that. I'd like to think so, anyway.

Yes, that and the explosion of the internet and the connectivity available. One feeds the other. People see other people "coming out" and they do, they share information and knowledge it spirals. Twenty years ago where could one learn about Paganism? Why, from a shelf at the public library that had maybe 3 (if you were lucky) books on "New Age". Now, the sky's the limit... actually the cloud's the limit.