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The victim mentality. Tips to overcome it

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Twilight Hue, Feb 17, 2021.

  1. Twilight Hue

    Twilight Hue The gentle embrace of twilight has become my guide

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  2. mikkel_the_dane

    mikkel_the_dane Shadow Wolf's Aspie sibling

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    No, that is only partly true and then it isn't really victimhood. Read some sociology and psychology. BTW I don't think, you exist, therefore you don't exist. I won in the game of thinking. :D
     
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  3. epronovost

    epronovost Well-Known Member

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    That's a bit tautoloical. If you are a victim, you are indeed "kept down" by a victimizer. That's the proper of victimhood to be "kept down" or harmed in some other way. Every single tip to stop being a victim would imply in some way either escaping or defeating your victimizer wich is aslo completely self evident and far easier said than done.
     
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  4. Revoltingest

    Revoltingest I have the kavorka
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    The trick is for a person to find tips that are useful.
    Perhaps not all are, but it's worth considering.

    I'm reminded of an old (possibly Henry Ford) quote....
    Whether you think you can, or think you can't...you're right.
     
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  5. epronovost

    epronovost Well-Known Member

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    The irony is how hilariously wrong that quote is, as if anybody in the history of makind never failed, was overconfident or surprised themselves.
     
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  6. Revoltingest

    Revoltingest I have the kavorka
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    Pithy quotes aren't about being accurate.
    They're supposed to inspire.
    What that one means: To succeed, belief in success in useful.
    But belief that one will fail makes failure more likely.

    I'm reminded of the frame of mind necessary to
    lift heavy weights. Attitude governs all.
     
    #6 Revoltingest, Feb 17, 2021
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2021
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  7. ADigitalArtist

    ADigitalArtist Well-Known Member
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    The division between victim and survivor is so weird to me. Like you cannot be both?
    It's important to acknowledge anxiety as a result lack of healthy coping mechanisms like turning to vengeance, but I refuse to call that 'victimhood.' Often the insistence that you are not a victim is used as a cudgel by abusers or people who prop up abusive systems and maintain the status quo. The implication is either reductionist (you were never victimized if you don't do x) or 'that's life,' implying nothing external can or should be changed.
     
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  8. PureX

    PureX Veteran Member

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    Most of those are pretty good advice. I would add the idea of doing what we can do to correct our situation, each day, and then letting it go of it. We can't fix everything, and we can't fix it all, right now. We can only do so much at a time. The key is to focus on what we can do to make our situation better: do those things, and then relax. Get a good night's sleep, and get up and do it again, tomorrow.

    Real change is cumulative. It doesn't come all at once, but it does come. We just have to keep moving in the right direction as best we can, one step at a time, and we will eventually get there.
     
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  9. Quetzal

    Quetzal A little to the left and slightly out of focus.
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    I like articles like this because it is a good reminder (I need those) to shift my thinking away from doom and gloom. If you like stuff like this too (and some more substance), I highly recommend Jordan Peterson's Book: The 12 Rules for Life. I really enjoyed it despite disagreeing with him in regards to some politics.
     
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  10. Jaiket

    Jaiket Well-Known Member
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    Some of these are good advice in general. This in particular:

    5. Perform acts of kindness to others

    There's nothing makes you feel as positive as doing little bits of kindness.
     
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  11. Revoltingest

    Revoltingest I have the kavorka
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    Even I have tried that.
    It's not bad.
     
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  12. Nakosis

    Nakosis crystal soldier
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    Yes, I think the world is against me.
    My trick is to not see myself as a victim but as a person being challenged by the world.

    The problem with seeing yourself as a victim is when you when you've also have accepted there is nothing you can do about it.

    You want to see yourself as a victim? Fine whatever. Just don't expect the world to come to your rescue or even give a crap. Don't expect the world to change to accommodate your needs.

    Maybe it will, maybe it won't. Relying on it to change is a gamble.

    Also, I hate 10 or however many steps to self-help. Like, here you are the solution to all of your problems. However, sometimes they can have useful ideas.
     
  13. Shadow Wolf

    Shadow Wolf Rival's Wife

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    One concern I have about the article is many points describe someone who has been abused or traumatized multiple times. In the case of trauma, it may just be being in the wrong place at the wrong time, no victim or assailant, but the self defeating behaviors and mentalities look the same. And even if it is abuse, if someone is a victim then nothing changes being. Being a victim isn't what breaks and destroys people. It's the abuses suffered. And it takes more than being appreciative to get over this and recover. Some even may be too appreciative and grateful, learning these things not in a healthy way but in way learned from the abuser that makes them grateful for table scraps.
    A lot of it is general good advice for anyone, but I find this hyperfocus on being a victim and somehow erasing this to be potentially problematic. In a way that reminds me of denial and bottling things up. That will blow eventually regardless what other steps are taken.
     
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  14. Jaiket

    Jaiket Well-Known Member
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    Like guerilla plumbing?
     
  15. stvdv

    stvdv Veteran Member

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  16. lewisnotmiller

    lewisnotmiller Grand Hat
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    One of my wife's relatives suffers from some anxiety and mental issues.
    Constantly, physical actions (exercise, and acts of kindness for others) have positive impacts on mental outcomes.

    (I don't mean they 'fix' things, but the idea of taking physical steps to get better mental outcomes is vitally important)
     
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  17. Revoltingest

    Revoltingest I have the kavorka
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    Exactly!
     
  18. Brickjectivity

    Brickjectivity Veteran Member
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    I grasp what you're talking about. There is some confusion about victim mentality versus people that have been victims who are gaslighted by being told to stop being victims. Its apples and oranges. There is such a thing as a victim mentality, and there is such a thing as saying it to the wrong person. 'Victim mentality' is an actual psychological challenge, not just a gaslighting term.
     
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  19. Kooky

    Kooky Freedom from Sanity

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    It's interesting that one can find so many tips on how to overcome being a victim, yet that people so rarely put out tips on how to overcome being an abuser.
     
  20. Kooky

    Kooky Freedom from Sanity

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    One piece of advice that I would argue is eminently important but curiously absent in almost all of these self help lists:

    Seek out help from others, and let others help make your situation better.

    Trying to climb out of a bad situation is often unfruitful or even counterproductive, as it can damage one's own ego to the point of a situation becoming a downward spiral. (People who have suffered from depression may know what I'm talking about here.) In many cases, people just won't have the power to will themselves out of a bad situation, but they may be able to save themselves with the right kind of support and correctly applied help. Sometimes, even just having someone you can talk to about your issues helps a bit.
     
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