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The Sum of Awe's search for love and confidence

The Sum of Awe

Brought to you by the moment that spacetime began.
Is it really square zero?

After following along in this journal thread, it seems to me you've learned a lot about both yourself, and navigating the dating world. Even if this didn't land you 'the one', I feel that you're making good progress.

Just my thoughts.
You're right, I have come a long ways. Thank you for noticing and reminding me.
 

Debater Slayer

Vipassana
Staff member
Premium Member
Back to square zero.

I broke it off with my date. Maybe I should've went on a couple more dates before deciding... she was a great person, very responsible and kind, but I just didn't feel like she was what I was looking for. I don't think we had much in common. She did end up getting better at asking me questions as well so the conversations didn't feel so one sided. But ultimately I didn't feel our conversations went as far as I'd expected them to.

I ended it with a proper goodbye, a good explanation, and told her it was fun talking to her it was just time to move on. It was definitely respectful and mutual. In fact, I asked her "What say you?" I suppose I could've worded the question better, but it left it open to her wanting to keep things going.

I do regret it, I should've given her more of a chance. But I had started talking to another girl (since I wasn't committed I didn't see anything wrong with that, also since I didn't feel a great vibe I just wanted to see who else was out there). The first conversation went extremely well, we really connected and the conversation went deep and in many directions. But, later in the day I talked to her over the phone and she had a very loaded personality: severe ADHD, life full of drama, a "I say it how it is" kinda personality (taken to the extreme)... just too much. I ended up ghosting her (since we only had two conversations I didn't feel the need to give a proper goodbye, as rude as it may seem I don't think it was improper).

Back to square zero. I regret ending things with the original girl, but maybe it was for the best. Who knows when I'll match with anyone else? Well, I have faith. And this month of dating/texting experience might prove to be beneficial.

Sorry to hear you're experiencing discomfort, but it's understandable after ending a potential relationship.

I agree with @JustGeorge on this: you're not back to square zero; you now have more experience under your belt. That it didn't turn into a relationship doesn't mean it was insignificant by any means.
 

The Sum of Awe

Brought to you by the moment that spacetime began.
It was definitely a mistake, in retrospect. No boundaries were being pushed, things were just going slowly. I should've given it more of a chance. I'm not going to try to take it back, as I had no feelings for her so it wouldn't be fair for her. I guess this is just something I'll have to learn from. Another great opportunity wasted by my poor intuition. Another person I'll have to let go, although it numbs the pain of the first one and it doesn't hurt as bad as it. All in all, I feel very selfish about this mistake as well, it wasn't fair to her that I didn't give her more of a chance. We were both just getting comfortable, things could've bloomed, it was definitely possible.

I'm sorry, M. I wish the best for you. You deserved better.
 

The Sum of Awe

Brought to you by the moment that spacetime began.
I hate myself for ending it. I did enjoy talking to her. We were both happy. We both laughed with each other, conversations were actually good in retrospect. I'm not looking for pity, I don't want it. I don't deserve it. I made a huge mistake and I thought I'd admit it here in my journal. Definitely something to learn from. Let good things be.

I know I'll move on. We'll both be alright, we'll both get over this and find someone else. Eventually. It's all okay. Just a sting.
 

JustGeorge

Not As Much Fun As I Look
Staff member
Premium Member
I hate myself for ending it. I did enjoy talking to her. We were both happy. We both laughed with each other, conversations were actually good in retrospect. I'm not looking for pity, I don't want it. I don't deserve it. I made a huge mistake and I thought I'd admit it here in my journal. Definitely something to learn from. Let good things be.

I know I'll move on. We'll both be alright, we'll both get over this and find someone else. Eventually. It's all okay. Just a sting.
Did you leave a road open for friendship? It didn't seem like you were into her romantically, but it seems you liked her company.
 

The Sum of Awe

Brought to you by the moment that spacetime began.
Did you leave a road open for friendship? It didn't seem like you were into her romantically, but it seems you liked her company.
This is what I said

"M, I've got to be honest. I really don't think there's a lot of compatibility between us. I have fun talking to you, but I think we have different personalities. Our conversations never really go deeper into things.

For me it's been a while that I've been thinking this. I don't know if you felt the same, and if this is very out of the blue I apologize. I think we should move on. What say you?

I feel ****y for saying this on a Monday, and even more so after you invited me to a cook out."

M: "No you're good. I'd rather you say something now than string me along."

"Take care. It was good talking to you."

M: "You too."


So I think it was a respectful ending. However, I did say our conversations never really went deeper into things. I did say there was not much compatibility. I did say we have different personalities.

And honestly, I wouldn't know what to say if I tried to talk to her again. As a friend.

And on top of that I'd feel awkward as hell.

But I think I'd be happy being her friend. Any advice?
 

JustGeorge

Not As Much Fun As I Look
Staff member
Premium Member
But I think I'd be happy being her friend. Any advice?
My first advice would be to take any ideas and feelings of 'awkward', ball them up into a basketball, and slam dunk them into the trash. (How's that for awkward? :D) I see too many people let life and people pass them by over fear of awkwardness.

A person with whom you don't get deeper into things with may not be ideal for a mate for you, but why not friend material? Not everyone you're going to meet will be on that level, but it doesn't mean they don't have the potential to be entertaining company. And compatibility for friendship can be different than compatibility for a romantic relationship.

To open the relationship back up, you'll have to contact her. Be clear about what you want. These are my words, of course, but perhaps something like "Hey, I'm sorry about abruptly ending contact with you. I've been thinking over the last few days, and while we may not be couple's material, I really did enjoy talking with you and hanging out with you as a friend, and I've been missing our interaction. Would you be open to a friendship relationship?"

Yeah, it'll be awkward, but good friends are hard to find and worth the risk.
 

The Sum of Awe

Brought to you by the moment that spacetime began.
My first advice would be to take any ideas and feelings of 'awkward', ball them up into a basketball, and slam dunk them into the trash. (How's that for awkward? :D) I see too many people let life and people pass them by over fear of awkwardness.

A person with whom you don't get deeper into things with may not be ideal for a mate for you, but why not friend material? Not everyone you're going to meet will be on that level, but it doesn't mean they don't have the potential to be entertaining company. And compatibility for friendship can be different than compatibility for a romantic relationship.

To open the relationship back up, you'll have to contact her. Be clear about what you want. These are my words, of course, but perhaps something like "Hey, I'm sorry about abruptly ending contact with you. I've been thinking over the last few days, and while we may not be couple's material, I really did enjoy talking with you and hanging out with you as a friend, and I've been missing our interaction. Would you be open to a friendship relationship?"

Yeah, it'll be awkward, but good friends are hard to find and worth the risk.
The thing of it is, though, I honestly think I could've seen a relationship between us working out. So why did I end it? Idiot mistake, honestly that's all I can say. I don't know if I could be her friend again because she was good in a lot of ways, and then if I admit that I did enjoy her company, what could possibly have gone wrong in the first place? It was just my first date and I wanted to see who else was out there and I threw a potential out when honestly I think I might've had feelings for her. that's major disrespect.

I do like your point about the awkwardness thing, though. Thank you.
 

JustGeorge

Not As Much Fun As I Look
Staff member
Premium Member
The thing of it is, though, I honestly think I could've seen a relationship between us working out. So why did I end it? Idiot mistake, honestly that's all I can say. I don't know if I could be her friend again because she was good in a lot of ways, and then if I admit that I did enjoy her company, what could possibly have gone wrong in the first place? It was just my first date and I wanted to see who else was out there and I threw a potential out when honestly I think I might've had feelings for her. that's major disrespect.

I do like your point about the awkwardness thing, though. Thank you.
I hope you don't mind me saying so, but it seems that you kind of waffle back and forth on whether you could be in a relationship with her, or what your feelings on her are. It might help to figure out why.
 

The Sum of Awe

Brought to you by the moment that spacetime began.
I hope you don't mind me saying so, but it seems that you kind of waffle back and forth on whether you could be in a relationship with her, or what your feelings on her are. It might help to figure out why.
I do not mind you saying so.

She had a lot of great qualities, and I would've been happy with her. Even if I didn't totally like the same shows as she did, even if we didn't like the same music, even if sometimes we only pretended to care about what the other person was doing during the day. I think there was a lot of good. She was easy-going and didn't mind my shortcomings on top of that.

At the same time, I wonder who else I can meet now that I feel more confident in myself, know that there is a chance someone will like me as I am (I never fully believed it until after we started talking). I guess the other end of it is the fear I may never meet someone as compatible as M. Then again, I felt this way before about my ex-crush.

Maybe it's the patience game that is inevitable in starting over again that's worrying me.

That was a good question you brought to the table for me to analyze.
 

Quagmire

Imaginary talking monkey
Staff member
Premium Member
It was definitely a mistake, in retrospect. No boundaries were being pushed, things were just going slowly. I should've given it more of a chance. I'm not going to try to take it back, as I had no feelings for her so it wouldn't be fair for her.

". . . as I had no feelings for her"

This really should be the bottom line, Sum.

If you don't have the necessary feelings, then the best you could hope for in this situation would be to wind up with someone you don't have any feelings for.

The best she could hope for in that situation would be to wind up with someone who doesn't have the right feelings for her.

That's a really terrible deal for both of you.

Letting her go leaves both of you free to find something better.
I guess this is just something I'll have to learn from. Another great opportunity wasted by my poor intuition.

That's just the analytical part of your mind talking. Don't let that part of your mind run the whole show.

There are going to be times in your life when an opportunity seems to make sense but your intuition is telling you don't go there.

In my experience, if my intuition is telling me something there's usually a good reason for it.

If you're in a relationship just because it makes sense, it probably isn't going to be much of a relationship.
Another person I'll have to let go, although it numbs the pain of the first one and it doesn't hurt as bad as it. All in all, I feel very selfish about this mistake as well, it wasn't fair to her that I didn't give her more of a chance. We were both just getting comfortable, things could've bloomed, it was definitely possible.

There should be some level of passion and excitement at the beginning of a courtship.
I'm sorry, M. I wish the best for you. You deserved better.

So do you.
 

The Sum of Awe

Brought to you by the moment that spacetime began.
Once again I feel hopeless. Triggered by hanging out with coworkers, and this one guy kept rambling on and rambling on annoyingly about things I clearly didn't have interest in (I showed it through body language and tone of voice after a while that the topic was dragging on too long). He is also the type of person that talks over you and ignores what you say. I wasn't able to talk with other people there, he was bothering me the whole time and I didn't know how to respectfully say that I wanted to talk to the others there and find a way to get away from him.

I know I will be alright and be happy again, but I feel hopeless in my social skills again, or in a romantic partner ever accepting someone with as poor social skills as I have. I am much too considerate at times, I think... I somewhat let people walk over me. Not in any extreme way, but for example the above.
 

JustGeorge

Not As Much Fun As I Look
Staff member
Premium Member
Once again I feel hopeless. Triggered by hanging out with coworkers, and this one guy kept rambling on and rambling on annoyingly about things I clearly didn't have interest in (I showed it through body language and tone of voice after a while that the topic was dragging on too long). He is also the type of person that talks over you and ignores what you say. I wasn't able to talk with other people there, he was bothering me the whole time and I didn't know how to respectfully say that I wanted to talk to the others there and find a way to get away from him.
You shouldn't let it get you down that one guy doesn't know any better than to behave like a turd.

It is annoying, though.
 

The Sum of Awe

Brought to you by the moment that spacetime began.
You shouldn't let it get you down that one guy doesn't know any better than to behave like a turd.

It is annoying, though.
You're right. It's weird how little nuisances like this, or just mistakes at work, bring on all of my insecurities even if they don't directly relate. It always seems to go back to the fear of never finding love, for some reason.
 

The Sum of Awe

Brought to you by the moment that spacetime began.
Depression has gotten worse I believe. I have been having trouble getting up for work. Was supposed to work overtime today but I took two points instead because I couldn’t get myself up. I guess I could’ve just walked out the door and started moving but I had no ambition to pack a lunch or shower or eat cereal, definitely wouldn’t have been good.

My ambitions have really sunken. I think I’ll put more focus into writing, I’ve been decent at getting that done lately.
 

The Sum of Awe

Brought to you by the moment that spacetime began.
I’m having pretty bad thoughts. I thought I was over all of this damn, it just came back really bad. It wasn’t even just last night, it’s everything.

I suspect my autism and trauma on top of that has permanently skewed my social skills. I feel so under appreciated not having people that actually care about me as a person. Why? Maybe I take myself too seriously. I try to not but i just suck at not. Wish I was more carefree. I wish someone gave a crap about me, and it’s hard to say that people don’t when I have people who hang out, but honestly I’m still in the background as ungrateful as it might sound for me to talk like that. I’m growing sick of myself when I’m around others, I’m tempted to retreating to my shell because socializing can be much too painful


I’m grateful for all of you on here. I do feel very appreciated and understood on RF. I’m just talking in person
 

JustGeorge

Not As Much Fun As I Look
Staff member
Premium Member
I’m having pretty bad thoughts. I thought I was over all of this damn, it just came back really bad. It wasn’t even just last night, it’s everything.

I suspect my autism and trauma on top of that has permanently skewed my social skills. I feel so under appreciated not having people that actually care about me as a person. Why? Maybe I take myself too seriously. I try to not but i just suck at not. Wish I was more carefree. I wish someone gave a crap about me, and it’s hard to say that people don’t when I have people who hang out, but honestly I’m still in the background as ungrateful as it might sound for me to talk like that. I’m growing sick of myself when I’m around others, I’m tempted to retreating to my shell because socializing can be much too painful


I’m grateful for all of you on here. I do feel very appreciated and understood on RF. I’m just talking in person
I'm sorry you feel like that.

I hope this depression streak goes away quickly.
 

Quagmire

Imaginary talking monkey
Staff member
Premium Member
Hey Sum, sorry I haven't participated in this thread lately. Either I haven't been getting alerts for it or I missed them somehow.
 
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