The Octagon

[VioletVortex]

The ghost of the octagon has possessed my flesh
For much too long, so that the young are old and dying
And the dead are bone if that
And their illusions hold me at the point of a knife

Oh, the wretched octagon has been carved into the soil
In the name of blood for too long
But the roots of the tangled vine that strangled the oak
Are far away...

 

[Curious George]

The ghost of the octagon has possessed my flesh
For much too long, so that the young are old and dying
And the dead are bone if that
And their illusions hold me at the point of a knife

Oh, the wretched octagon has been carved into the soil
In the name of blood for too long
But the roots of the tangled vine that strangled the oak
Are far away...

Analysis: The author is consumed with a want to fight, has missed oppurtunities because of this consumption, which adds to the cycle. With self awareness, the author curses the cycle but resigns him/herself to the consumption because the root cause happened too long ago to change.

It seems to play with a theme of innocence lost because of early life trauma.

Question: is that what you wished to convey?

Things I especually liked: the old symbolism of the oak in the second stanza contrasting with the modern allusion to the octagon in the first stanza.

The repitition of "too long" which seems to emphasize the authors frustration which then gives to resignation.

The word choice "soil" which generally doesn't reflect something we think of as permanent when something is carved into it, but has a double meaning of to sully which fits with the theme if we use the symbolism for dirt to mean that of the authors life.

Criticism: some of it is wordy. Do you think it could be rearranged at all or some words deleted all together and still deliver your meaning?

 

[Jumi]

I like it as it is. I think it has emotional depth beyond the immediate associations.

 

[VioletVortex]

Analysis: The author is consumed with a want to fight, has missed oppurtunities because of this consumption, which adds to the cycle. With self awareness, the author curses the cycle but resigns him/herself to the consumption because the root cause happened too long ago to change.

It seems to play with a theme of innocence lost because of early life trauma.

Question: is that what you wished to convey?

Things I especually liked: the old symbolism of the oak in the second stanza contrasting with the modern allusion to the octagon in the first stanza.

The repitition of "too long" which seems to emphasize the authors frustration which then gives to resignation.

The word choice "soil" which generally doesn't reflect something we think of as permanent when something is carved into it, but has a double meaning of to sully which fits with the theme if we use the symbolism for dirt to mean that of the authors life.

Criticism: some of it is wordy. Do you think it could be rearranged at all or some words deleted all together and still deliver your meaning?

You interpreted it very well. You explained it in a broader manner than I could have. It's sort of about a phenomena similar Stockholm syndrome, when one cautiously enters a bad mindset over the course of time, and eventually associates it with familiarity, and has trouble leaving even though he wants to.

The "vine" is an imposter attacking the oak, which is truth.

With the term "soil", I was referencing a battlefield in a non-specific way. I thought about being more direct and saying "battlefield", but I thought soil sounded more descriptive and it's associations made it more fit for these lyrics. I didn't mean into have any symbolism, but it is true that any kind of symbol carved into the soil is temporary.

I could probably re-arrange it to be more poetic; it's intended to be lyrics for a black metal song I'm writing anyways.

 

[Curious George]

You interpreted it very well. You explained it in a broader manner than I could have. It's sort of about a phenomena similar Stockholm syndrome, when one cautiously enters a bad mindset over the course of time, and eventually associates it with familiarity, and has trouble leaving even though he wants to.

The "vine" is an imposter attacking the oak, which is truth.

With the term "soil", I was referencing a battlefield in a non-specific way. I thought about being more direct and saying "battlefield", but I thought soil sounded more descriptive and it's associations made it more fit for these lyrics. I didn't mean into have any symbolism, but it is true that any kind of symbol carved into the soil is temporary.

I could probably re-arrange it to be more poetic; it's intended to be lyrics for a black metal song I'm writing anyways.

I had wondered if the arrangment was designed to fit a particular melody.

 

[Brickjectivity]

You interpreted it very well. You explained it in a broader manner than I could have. It's sort of about a phenomena similar Stockholm syndrome, when one cautiously enters a bad mindset over the course of time, and eventually associates it with familiarity, and has trouble leaving even though he wants to.

The "vine" is an imposter attacking the oak, which is truth.

With the term "soil", I was referencing a battlefield in a non-specific way. I thought about being more direct and saying "battlefield", but I thought soil sounded more descriptive and it's associations made it more fit for these lyrics. I didn't mean into have any symbolism, but it is true that any kind of symbol carved into the soil is temporary.

I could probably re-arrange it to be more poetic; it's intended to be lyrics for a black metal song I'm writing anyways.

I'll tell you what my guess was though it was incorrect. I though of you as a musician, and octogons have eight sides and octaves have eight tones; so my guess was that you were talking about music. So "The ghost of the octogon has possessed my flesh" seemed to me to be about your musical focus. Then I had a few other wild guesses like "The dead are bone if that and their illusions hold me at the point of a knife" might have been some songs you were struggling with or something like that.