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The man and the monster. A journal.

The man:
I have wasted two more days of my life doing nothing but resting but I needed it, I got wore out friday, I took time to re-read my book. I've begun to start reading the UU book I bought off the internet. God has always been a touchy subject for me. I am starting not to fear God in the same way that someone on death row doesn't fear speaking his mind. Am I really going to hell? Yeah... so what? I knew this since I was a child. My goal is to laugh one time while in the fire, just as a final spit in the face to the creature that would put me there.

The monster: I am not content to die like a dog on the side of the road, I demand freedom, I demand a chance to live unrestrained by the laws of man. I don't care so much for this life I will most likely end up dead or happy, I am clever and cruel, I relish in the ideal of doing what I please until someone or something strong enough to stop me comes along. Honestly, I think people will come for me and they might kill me, ruin me, destroy me, but I want to make it hard I want leave memories of me on their flesh. They will come and I will be ready. The man is ready to die and burn I am not and I won't let him bring me down. I will fight until I can't draw breath and then I will fight some more.
 
The man: Guilt? I was guilty from birth, we all are because our ancestor ate some fruit. As for Madhuri, I think she has given me something to think on that feels a lot better than the stuff I get from the Abrahamic religions (Though I will admit that the UU feels like a breath of fresh air.) I don't so much as feel guilty as I feel like a man sent on death row for stealing a single lego block from walmart. I will be punished by humans thinking that they are doing the will of God, Either from the Militant extremist in the middle-east or by the zealots on my home turf.
I won't be the mouse for long.

The Monster: Guilt? Let me tell you about something more fun than guilt, accountability, when I have a dog that craps on my carpet, I am accountable to teach him that it is wrong and correct him in a responsible way. Let take God for example, and I will be the dog in this situation. I urinate on the carpet after being locked in the house for three day with only water, instead of just getting a correction or a swat from a newspaper, he puts a bullet in me and calls it his love. Now instead of just urine there is dog brains and blood everywhere. That is the justice of this world. If life is going to suck let it be on its own terms and not with deities that constantly need to be reminded that they are great. What beauty is an open worlds if all you can do is stay behind a fence or risk being tossed in an eternal oven under the pretense of love. Beta, I bet you have never questioned anything relating to God, you have accepted it and that is that. If God is just and all his rules are to help us draw closer to him and be like him, how come he breaks every rule himself? I cannot trust a liar.

The man: We are a tense place, a stage in life that will either lead to utter self destruction or a greater level of understanding. Beta. Your God hates me and calls for my blood, he didn't help me when I needed him I called out to him. If you are to ask who am I to beckon the lord, I am the same as you a creation that tried to rely on him as my savior. He didn't come and I was left with tears and questions. I have no more tears and none of my questions have been answer by him nor unbiasedly explained by his followers.
The monster is filled with hate, I am filled with sadness and distrust. He has yet to heal either of us.
 

Beta

Well-Known Member
The man: Guilt? I was guilty from birth, we all are because our ancestor ate some fruit. As for Madhuri, I think she has given me something to think on that feels a lot better than the stuff I get from the Abrahamic religions (Though I will admit that the UU feels like a breath of fresh air.) I don't so much as feel guilty as I feel like a man sent on death row for stealing a single lego block from walmart. I will be punished by humans thinking that they are doing the will of God, Either from the Militant extremist in the middle-east or by the zealots on my home turf.
I won't be the mouse for long.

The Monster: Guilt? Let me tell you about something more fun than guilt, accountability, when I have a dog that craps on my carpet, I am accountable to teach him that it is wrong and correct him in a responsible way. Let take God for example, and I will be the dog in this situation. I urinate on the carpet after being locked in the house for three day with only water, instead of just getting a correction or a swat from a newspaper, he puts a bullet in me and calls it his love. Now instead of just urine there is dog brains and blood everywhere. That is the justice of this world. If life is going to suck let it be on its own terms and not with deities that constantly need to be reminded that they are great. What beauty is an open worlds if all you can do is stay behind a fence or risk being tossed in an eternal oven under the pretense of love. Beta, I bet you have never questioned anything relating to God, you have accepted it and that is that. If God is just and all his rules are to help us draw closer to him and be like him, how come he breaks every rule himself? I cannot trust a liar.

The man: We are a tense place, a stage in life that will either lead to utter self destruction or a greater level of understanding. Beta. Your God hates me and calls for my blood, he didn't help me when I needed him I called out to him. If you are to ask who am I to beckon the lord, I am the same as you a creation that tried to rely on him as my savior. He didn't come and I was left with tears and questions. I have no more tears and none of my questions have been answer by him nor unbiasedly explained by his followers. The monster is filled with hate, I am filled with sadness and distrust. He has yet to heal either of us.
Friend - you are in a very sorry state and it fills me with tears. My God does NOT hate you, you must get that out of your mind. You are harking back to the OT when redemption and salvation were not offered en masse. In the NT we are under Christ who is the very LOVE of God. But you can not receive it while in a wrong OT attitude.
You may have asked God for help in the past but he can not/will not give it unless you are serious (utterly serious) in accepting it ON HIS TERMS.
Do I just accept him without question ? let me tell you I have had/ still have (not so many now) questions all my life (and I am a Grandma now). So you can see that my time with God is no quick affair. In fact what I suffered 30 years ago (and still do) would have been enough to put anyone off him for life. But I am holding on and every day he gets stronger in me. Scripture tells us to ENDURE to the end - don't give up and I took him at his word. Now he also keeps his promise never to leave us or forsake us. It must become a two-way relationship. God will not do all the work while we go swanning off doing our own thing - something you seem to still want to do.
Believe me friend when you are truly ready for God he will be there for you. You can try other religions if you want to, it's your choice.
Remember God does not hate you , he only wants to help .Redemption and repentance are possible for all if that is what we truly want.
 
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