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The Eight Pastafarian "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"

Discussion in 'Religious Debates' started by Smoke, Jul 15, 2006.

  1. Smoke

    Smoke Done here.

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    On top of Mt. Salsa, Mosey the pirate captain received the Ten "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts" from the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Unfortunately, Mosey dropped two of the tablets on the way down the moment, and Pastafarians now have only Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts." This partially accounts for the flimsy moral standards of Pastafarians.
    1. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like a Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou --- When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't Believe In Me, That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn't About Them So Don't Change The Subject.
    2. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I Don't Require Sacrifices And Purity Is For Drinking Water, Not People.
    3. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, And Get This In Your Thick Heads: Woman = Person. Man = Person. Samey - Samey. One Is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We're Talking About Fashion And I'm Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal and Fuchsia.
    4. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity. As For Anyone Who Might Object, I Think The Expression Is Go ---- Yourself, Unless They Find That Offensive In Which Case They Can Turn Off the TV For Once And Go For A Walk For A Change.
    5. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynist, Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, Then Go After The --------
    6. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Build Multimillion-Dollar Churches/Temples/Mosques/Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick):
      1. Ending Poverty
      2. Curing Diseases
      3. Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable
        I Might be a Complex-Carbohydrate Omniscient Being, But I Enjoy The Simple Things In Life. I Ought To Know. I AM the Creator.
    7. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Go Around Telling People I Talk To You. You're Not That Interesting. Get Over Yourself. And I Told You To Love Your Fellow Man, Can't You Take A Hint?
    8. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A Lot of Leather/Lubricant/Las Vegas. If the Other Person Is Into It, However (Pursuant To #4), Then Have At It, Take Pictures, And For The Love Of Mike, Wear a CONDOM! Honestly, It's A Piece of Rubber. If I Didn't Want It To Feel Good When You Did It I Would Have Added Spikes, Or Something.
     
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  2. Feathers in Hair

    Feathers in Hair World's Tallest Hobbit

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    I think that there are lots of these that any path (well, at least mine) could do with using!
     
  3. Willamena

    Willamena Just me
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    Samey... Davis Jr.? Wha--?

    Funny, though. Thanks for posting that.
     
  4. michel

    michel Administrator Emeritus
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    That's funny!:D
     
  5. kiwimac

    kiwimac Brother Napalm of God's Love

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    Now Moses about that re-write of the 10 commandments .... EXCELLENT stuff
     
  6. michel

    michel Administrator Emeritus
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    We could add another one;

    I'd rather no one was silly enough to write any more of these, because this is the final re-write

    Cos I said so.
     
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