I would say, person doesn't necessary consciously choose always to what he is attracted. For example, if we again compare this to eating, person may live in place were everyone eats lot of olives.
I don't disagree with this. In fact, this very much is inline with understanding what cultural relativism is about. I know a lot of conservatives don't like that concept, but it is true nonetheless. Cultural conditioning plays a major role in the things we find aesthetically pleasing, the value's systems we hold, etc.
We are programmed by our families and our culture to believe, act, and think in certain ways. You should be familiar with the saying from Proverbs. "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it". Even back then, they understood the natural of cultural conditioning.
However, cultural conditioning, while a major factor, is not the sole defining factor in our personality development. If it were, we would all be identical to each other, with little to no differences. I know there are groups that are very much about forcing everyone to look and act and be the same, as a form of social control. Things like shunning and casting them out of the group, are meant is motivating through fear of rejection. But even though people on the surface may in fact all conform to the "norm", whatever that norm is, most of that is not who they really are to the core.
We are born with different personalities, and you can have children born to the same parents and the same culture, growing up together, be a different as night and day. In fact, like that study of identical twins showed, you may have one be straight and the other one gay. Same parents. Same genetics. Same cultural conditioning. Different outcomes. Different people.
So it's not, definitely not a matter of proper training, or improper learning that accounts for these differences. Some of these differences come from really who knows where. Science doesn't have all the answers, and religious speculation is even less helpful in the majority of cases. "His parents sinned, that's why this man was born blind!".
The person learns to like them, olives become to associated with good friends and nice situation. All those things make olives attractive to him, because they have the taste the person is used to and also by the association to good times.
Yes and no. It's true someone can develop a taste for certain foods. Take coffee for instance. A lot of people can't stand the taste of it, but then they develop a taste for it. In that case, a lot of that has to do with the stimulant caffeine in it. Same thing with alcohol consumption.
But certain foods will never taste good to certain individuals because of their biology. Take cilantro for instance. Unlike its relative parsley, to some people cilantro tastes like eating soap. I have one friend like this. There is no way that they would ever learn to like the taste of soap in their mouths. At best, they could learn to maybe tolerate it, if they had no choice. But given the choice, they would never eat it.
We don't choose them all, but we can think what the reason is why we see something as attractive.
To some extent, yes, but to some extent no. I don't believe kissing someone who has rotting teeth in their mouth who never even attempts to brush their teeth is something that someone can learn to like. Tolerate, maybe, but like, no.
And when person understands the reasons, he can also change his attraction, if he thinks it is good to do so.
I don't disagree that we can in fact change our minds about certain things, if we honestly examine them. But if someone finds something genuinely repulsive, it's beyond unlikely that they could be conditioned to ever like it or want it. I can hear them saying they would rather die than to have to learn how to like a certain thing. For some people, death might be preferable.
And if person can't change it, it is because he doesn't want to do so. Please notice, I don't mean to blame anyone. I understand that it can be difficult. But anyone who would really want to change his course, can do it.
Certain things, many things, this is true about. We can get rid of our prejudices of others for instance though examining why we hold these irrational views of others and be honest with ourselves about our own underlying fears and insecurities. Change is in fact very possible. But I don't believe that means we can change our very core of our innate personalities we are born with.
I personally have undergone significant transformation of how I think and react and believe and act in the world. But once all that cruft has been brought into the light and come to terms with, underneath all of that "sin" or insincere or inauthentic personality traits, is in fact the
authentic person. The true "self" that is my innate, and unique personality in this world.
And here's the thing.
You don't want to get rid of that! Trying to deny that, trying to disown that, is what in fact causes an inauthentic, insincere, conflicted self trying to deal with contradictions of what others say we should be, and who we know ourselves
legitimately, on a deep true honest level to actually be.
The problem for so many homosexuals in society is being sent the message to disown something that is genuinely who and what they are by birth, from whatever mysterious source that may be that makes them who they are, before and beyond all of the programming of society. It is not proper to think of homosexuality like, say an urge to be violent towards others. It is not some antisocial tendency, or a pathology that needs fixing.
Cultural programming is a double edge sword. It can be helpful to "train up a child in the way he should go", but it can also seriously damage a child be using that to attempt to change them into something society wants them to be, against who there actually, by nature, by God, genuinely are. An example of this, is historically trying to force left-handed people become right-handed.
Forced use of the right hand
Due to cultural and social pressures, many left-handed children were forced to write and perform other activities with their right hands. This conversion can cause multiple problems in the developing left-handed child, including
learning disorders,
dyslexia,
[12] stuttering[13][14][15] and other
speech disorders.
[16] Shifts from left- to right-handed are more likely to be successful than right to left, though neither have a high success rate. Successful shifters are more likely to become ambihanded than unsuccessful ones.
[17] Conversions can be successful with consistent daily practice in a variety of manual activities, but though activity in the non-dominant left-hemisphere of the brain will increase during tasks, so too will activity in the dominant right-hemisphere. Consistent left-handers have no higher activity in these task centers than converted left-handers, so it may be inferred that "attempts to switch handedness by educational training far from weakening the functional expression of lefthandedness in higher-order motor areas of the (dominant) right hemisphere in fact enhance it."
[18]
Many Asian countries force their children to become right-handed due to
cultural perceptions of bad luck associated with the left hand. In India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and Indonesia, it has traditionally been perceived as "rude" behaviour to use the left hand for eating, as the left hand is commonly used for tasks considered "unclean".
Bias against left-handed people - Wikipedia
This is EXACTLY the same problem with some of these terribly misguided Christian groups with their conversion therapy treatments trying to fix gays. The reasoning behind it is as misguided as those who see left-handedness as a sign of "evil". It is exactly the same as that.
As I said, I agree there are many things we can in fact change by choice, and you raise valid points about that. But there are also things that we cannot change, nor attempt to change, such as left-handedness. Cultural conditioning can be a tool to help, but it can also cause damage when used to try to fix what doesn't need fixing.
In my opinion it is not good to pigeonhole people to something on basis of attraction, because it locks them to some setting and makes them think that is just how it is, and they have no power to change it.
Then think of it terms of natural tendencies, like right-handedness. That's a better analogy. Some people are just wired differently and use the left-hand instead of the larger percentage of the population who are wired naturally to use their right-hands. These are not learned behaviors. Homosexuality is not a learned behavior. So therefore, you can't change it. As I said, at best you can conceal it, hide it, hate yourself for it because others call it evil, or compenate for it by trying to be a hetrosexual, the same way a leftpaw, tries to fit in by imitating right-handed behaviors. But they are still, and will always be a lefty. They were born that way.
I think the biggest problem in this is, it is not good choice for them. To confirm it is ok, is like saying, "yes, it is ok if you try to eat through your ear, because it is also hole in your head". I think it is not good to be harsh, but also accepting something that is not good for a person is not good.
Are you familiar with the Serenity Prayer from A.A. groups?
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference".
That is exactly correct here. The "Wisdom to know the difference." Something cannot be changed, and the true test of faith in service of Peace, from God, is in accepting ourselves as we are, knowing what cannot be changed about us, finding the courage in us, being granted that strength from God to face the things we can change, and the Wisdom to discern the difference between those.
One's own homosexuality, is one of those things that Wisdom shows isn't something you should try to get rid of, if that is who you truly are. And the path to Serenity, or divine Peace, is found in self-acceptance. This is a true for anything in ones life. It's finding your
authentic self, the one that stands naked and honestly before that divine Truth itself, not the self you think others think you should be.
