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Tell me a joke

Discussion in 'Games / Pics / Jokes / Stories' started by RayofLight, Oct 13, 2021.

  1. RayofLight

    RayofLight My pronouns: they/them

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    My group therapist gave us homework. We have to come next Wednesday to the meeting with a joke. It can't be about religion(I mentioned I had a joke about paganism she said no jokes about a group of people) and it can't be a dirty joke it has to be appropriate. So help me with my homework
     
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  2. Rival

    Rival Dex Me Gart
    Staff Member Premium Member

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    A friend once told me that she and her friend were running the cross country, and the teacher had told the kids to do something during the run to make it fun/different. So this friend of hers started rolling around on the ground and the teacher was like, Huh? So the friend said 'I'm on a roll.'

    :rolleyes::D:confused::)
     
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  3. Dropship

    Dropship Member

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    A man bought himself a metal detector.
    He'd dug down 50 feet before he realised his boots had got steel toecaps
     
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  4. Eyes to See

    Eyes to See Active Member

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    Will Will Smith smith? Will Smith will smith.

    How much Jim Beam could Jim beam if Jim could beam Jim Beam?
    (Jim is Captain Kirk..."Beam me up Soctty").

    ETA:
    I found the meme:

    up615885b1.jpg
     
    #4 Eyes to See, Oct 13, 2021
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2021
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  5. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
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    An old Spike Milligan joke.

    A man and woman are discussing what to have for dinner when the man collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The wife runs to the phone and calls the emergency services. She gasps, "My husband has collapsed, his eyes are glazed and he's not breathing, i think he might be dead, what can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." The wife says, "just a minute". There was a few seconds silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the wife says, "OK, now what?
     
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  6. Brickjectivity

    Brickjectivity Veteran Member
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    My name is Brick, and I'm a mortal. Therefore I'm Brick and mortal.

    :( That was a terrible pun.

    There's nothing like a brick and mortal institution. If it looks like a brick and quacks like a brick, maybe its a brick.
     
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  7. Nakosis

    Nakosis Time Efficient Lollygagger
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    Doctor: I'm sorry to sad your son is in a coma. At this point we can't say if he will ever come out of it.
    Dad: Did you try unplugging and re-plugging him back in?
     
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  8. Jedster

    Jedster Well-Known Member

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    A skeleton walks into a pub and orders a Guinness and a mop.
     
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  9. beenherebeforeagain

    beenherebeforeagain Rogue Animist
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    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    To show the raccoons that it could be done!
     
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  10. Mock Turtle

    Mock Turtle Silent Generation - so don't expect much
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    Me and my mates were busy robbing this CD store when the cops turned up. Dave grabbed all the pop CD's and ran off. Steve grabbed the rock CD's and also ran off. Dan grabbed the Jazz and followed suit. I was forced to take the rap.
     
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  11. Jedster

    Jedster Well-Known Member

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    That was soooo bad that it was good:)
     
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  12. 9-10ths_Penguin

    9-10ths_Penguin 1/10 Subway Stalinist
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    "My spouse is incongruous, but I never did like Washington in the summertime."
     
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  13. Mock Turtle

    Mock Turtle Silent Generation - so don't expect much
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    An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in their home. "Just think," the old man says, "We were sitting here at this same breakfast table, naked as jaybirds, 50 years ago." "Well," the old lady snickers, "What do you say ... should we get naked?" The two immediately strip to the buff and sit back down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady says slyly, "My breasts burn for you now as they did 50 years ago." "I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your porridge!"
     
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  14. RayofLight

    RayofLight My pronouns: they/them

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    I can't bring inappropriate jokes to the meeting unfortunately. I think that one would count as inappropriate
     
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  15. Mock Turtle

    Mock Turtle Silent Generation - so don't expect much
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    I probably have loads like that too. :(

    I called the RSPCA (UK animal welfare) today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs." "That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?" "I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."
     
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  16. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
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    One my son just told me

    What’s the difference between a plum and a rabbit? They’re both purple except for the rabbit .
     
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  17. RayofLight

    RayofLight My pronouns: they/them

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    That one is cute
     
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  18. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
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    Whats the scariest word to hear from a nuclear physicist?... Oops
     
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  19. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
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    What's brown and sticky?... A stick
     
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  20. Estro Felino

    Estro Felino Believer in free will
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    Two friends see each other after a long time.
    They want to chat while having dinner in a nice restaurant.

    - Hey...I know they have opened a new restaurant around the corner. They cook delicious food.
    - Really?
    - yeah... tonight there is the vegetarian menu. Rabbit stew, Slow roasted rabbit and rabbit cacciatore.
    - I wonder what's vegetarian in this menu.
    - Rabbit is. He is vegetarian.
     
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