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Taking care of family members

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
Have you ever been in a situation where you had to take care of someone in your family 24/7 because of health issue? that you have to sacrifice your own way of life for the benefit of your parents or your wife/fianceè ,

If yes, how did it affect you as a person?
 

ChristineM

"Be strong", I whispered to my coffee.
Premium Member
I have a relative with a severe and long term mental illness. He can be a fully functional person for months at a time other times he can spend year or two not able to do much for himself.

We have in the past, during two of his bad periods stepped up as carers.

The stress is considerable, social life must adapt, simple things like visiting the supermarket were a problem, we had to make allowances for his rapidly oscillating personally. They were difficult but ultimately rewarding periods.

From my own experience, yours may be totally different, i can suggest getting as much social help possible, registering as a carer will open many doors unavailable to non carers. Live for the day, dont plan things in advance and be sure to keep whoever you are caring for up to date with any and all relevant info.
 

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
I have a relative with a severe and long term mental illness. He can be a fully functional person for months at a time other times he can spend year or two not able to do much for himself.

We have in the past, during two of his bad periods stepped up as carers.

The stress is considerable, social life must adapt, simple things like visiting the supermarket were a problem, we had to make allowances for his rapidly oscillating personally. They were difficult but ultimately rewarding periods.

From my own experience, yours may be totally different, i can suggest getting as much social help possible, registering as a carer will open many doors unavailable to non carers. Live for the day, dont plan things in advance and be sure to keep whoever you are caring for up to date with any and all relevant info.

Thank you for your answer.
I really understand you because i was the one taking care of my parents when they got sick with cancer, my father was sick for 6 years before passing in 2000, and even my mom was alive at that time she struggle with her own roblems so much of the responsability fall on me, so at the time i was both trying to work and take care of them, then after my father passed away my mom got cancer in 2004, and because of her previous problems she also needed my full attention, yes i did work some hours a day to earn moneybut often she needed a lot of care that the health system here did not give her. (she passed away in 2013) and now with my fianceè she has some problems with her health too and again my turn to take care of her. But this time its different because right now i am stuck with a broken ankle. and waiting for an operation, so life goes on :)
 

ChristineM

"Be strong", I whispered to my coffee.
Premium Member
Thank you for your answer.
I really understand you because i was the one taking care of my parents when they got sick with cancer, my father was sick for 6 years before passing in 2000, and even my mom was alive at that time she struggle with her own roblems so much of the responsability fall on me, so at the time i was both trying to work and take care of them, then after my father passed away my mom got cancer in 2004, and because of her previous problems she also needed my full attention, yes i did work some hours a day to earn moneybut often she needed a lot of care that the health system here did not give her. (she passed away in 2013) and now with my fianceè she has some problems with her health too and again my turn to take care of her. But this time its different because right now i am stuck with a broken ankle. and waiting for an operation, so life goes on :)

For us, work was not a problem, we owned the business and most times brother in law was able to left for short periods so long as he had instant contact when required. If he was too ill to be left alone it was no problem for one of us to stay with him.

All you can do is your best. Good luck and swift recover of the ankle
 

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
For us, work was not a problem, we owned the business and most times brother in law was able to left for short periods so long as he had instant contact when required. If he was too ill to be left alone it was no problem for one of us to stay with him.

All you can do is your best. Good luck and swift recover of the ankle

Thank you :)
 

Shantanu

Well-Known Member
Have you ever been in a situation where you had to take care of someone in your family 24/7 because of health issue? that you have to sacrifice your own way of life for the benefit of your parents or your wife/fianceè ,

If yes, how did it affect you as a person?
Noone cares for anyone except for themselves.
 

pearl

Well-Known Member
I do not have the personal experience of caring for a loved one at home but I can empathize with you from my work with hospice patients and their families. I is a monumental task in many ways. It is important to get into what social services are available, the doctor can direct you to the proper agencies and even order them.
 

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
I do not have the personal experience of caring for a loved one at home but I can empathize with you from my work with hospice patients and their families. I is a monumental task in many ways. It is important to get into what social services are available, the doctor can direct you to the proper agencies and even order them.
My fianceè do get more help now. So all in not on me right now.
but when my parents was alive they did not get help at home with their life, only treatment in hospital. Maybe they did not know what help they could get.
 

Shantanu

Well-Known Member
Well i cared for my parents, i care for my fianceè and i care for others.
To only care for one self isselfish is it not?

So when i took care of my parents was that to careabot my self?
As I understand it you took a vow of being a Buddhist to care for anyone and everyone, and so you wish to get enlightenment as your real objective. If you break the vow you have to give up your religion.
 

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
As I understand it you took a vow of being a Buddhist to care for anyone and everyone, and so you wish to get enlightenment as your real objective. If you break the vow you have to give up your religion.

I started to care for my parents healt long before i converted to buddhism. it is human to care
 
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