Mark Dohle
Well-Known Member
Surrendering to love
(“And Jacob wrestled with God”)
For me, the concept of surrender brings to mind some sort of previous struggle. It has a warlike feel to it, something that can be a long arduous exchange. Jacob in his struggle with God was wounded and for the rest of his life, he had a painful limp.
When meditating on the Scriptures they can be used analogically in order to derive some benefit from it. Jacob wrestled all night with his concept of God brought to ‘flesh’, it was a mighty struggle and in the end in spite of his being wounded for life was able to get a blessing from it all.
If there is no struggle we can believe that our ‘idol’ is ‘god’ (of our own understanding, which can, in reality, be a form of self-deification or infallibility), and when that occurs we get groups like Westboro Baptist Church, or ISIS, which only brings suffering to those who come in contact with them. So God becomes ‘god’ with no mystery, just an inner image that over time can come to resemble the idol Moloch, the eater of children. In the end, it is self-worship, not surrender.y’ in a metaphorical sense.
God draws us nearer to himself so that we can surrender by using our ‘idols’ to fight with us, to wound us and in that we are led to deeper healing. It is a paradox I know but from my own experience and from speaking with others, it is also theirs. Why do we even begin this journey? I think it is because on some level we know that our emotional ideas about God do not really line up with the revelation that is given us through Jesus Christ.
I believe this is also true of other traditions, this inner tension of what is said in holy books and what is taught and impressed on many of us at an early age. So it is that often dim understanding; that small flame that keeps our hearts alive, which never goes out that in the end allows us to slowly move towards profound levels of surrendering and trust.
For it is not fear that leads to that final surrendering, but a free act of trust which flows from the center of our being. A true death to self and of neurotic self-absorption, which can imprison us in a type of fear that is not the ‘beginning of wisdom’ but brings us to an endless cycle of fear, anger, and failure, if not let go of.
In the end, it is grace that allows us to surrender. Our simple desire to persist, to face our fears and to trust anyway, until because of our long journey and healing, we are able to trust in God’s love for us, its giftedness and from that healing of our relationship with God, it affects all other relationships. For true surrender implies a deep level of self-knowledge which is the fruit of our long journey of seeking to deepen our trust, love and yielding to God, a journey that is unending in this life… one idol at a time sweet Jesus, one idol at a time.-Br.MD
