Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World

[sooda]

Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World

Members of the earth's earliest known civilization, the Sumerians, looked on in shock and confusion some 6,000 years ago as God, the Lord Almighty, created Heaven and Earth.

According to recently excavated clay tablets inscribed with cuneiform script, thousands of Sumerians—the first humans to establish systems of writing, agriculture, and government—were working on their sophisticated irrigation systems when the Father of All Creation reached down from the ether and blew the divine spirit of life into their thriving civilization.

"I do not understand," reads an ancient line of pictographs depicting the sun, the moon, water, and a Sumerian who appears to be scratching his head. "A booming voice is saying, 'Let there be light,' but there is already light. It is saying, 'Let the earth bring forth grass,' but I am already standing on grass."

"Everything is here already," the pictograph continues. "We do not need more stars."

Historians believe that, immediately following the biblical event, Sumerian witnesses returned to the city of Eridu, a bustling metropolis built 1,500 years before God called for the appearance of dry land, to discuss the new development. According to records, Sumerian farmers, priests, and civic administrators were not only befuddled, but also took issue with the face of God moving across the water, saying that He scared away those who were traveling to Mesopotamia to participate in their vast and intricate trade system.

Moreover, the Sumerians were taken aback by the creation of the same animals and herb-yielding seeds that they had been domesticating and cultivating for hundreds of generations.

"The Sumerian people must have found God's making of heaven and earth in the middle of their well-established society to be more of an annoyance than anything else," said Paul Helund, ancient history professor at Cornell University. "If what the pictographs indicate are true, His loud voice interrupted their ancient prayer rituals for an entire week."

According to the cuneiform tablets, Sumerians found God's most puzzling act to be the creation from dust of the first two human beings.

"These two people made in his image do not know how to communicate, lack skills in both mathematics and farming, and have the intellectual capacity of an infant," one Sumerian philosopher wrote. "They must be the creation of a complete idiot."

https://www.theonion.com/sumerians-look-on-in-confusion-as-god-creates-world-1819571221

 

[sooda]

I find this article very funny with a bit of truth.. They have found thousands of clay tablets in Dilmun (Bahrain) and in Ugarit (Ras Shamra) that predate Genesis by a thousand years.

There's a lot of history in the ME and its not all Jewish history.

 

[Revoltingest]

And that was just the beginning.
More divine events await...
https://www.theonion.com/christ-getting-in-shape-for-second-coming-1819569039
HEAVEN—Emerging from a grueling 90 minutes of cardiovascular exercise and light lifting for tone, Son of God Jesus Christ said Monday that He is "definitely on track" to achieve peak fitness condition for the Second Coming.
The Son of God spends each morning trying to attain perfect abdominal definition.
"If every eye is going to see Me, and all the tribes of earth are going to wail on account of Me, I think I owe it to them and to Myself to be in the best shape of My life," Christ said. "Right now I'm up to 35 minutes at seven [miles per hour] on the treadmill and benching about 165 [pounds]."

"I'm really starting to feel like I'll have the strength and endurance to move every mountain and island from its place," Christ added.

Since His birthday last Dec. 25, Christ has committed Himself to a demanding daily regimen of exercise and prophecy fulfillment. Each of His workouts, Christ said, starts with an hour of cardio, after which He focuses on two muscle groups, replacing conventional free weights with the Rod of Iron with which He intends to rule all nations.

On Mondays, Christ works His chest and biceps and completes three sets of 10 transfigurations. On Tuesdays, He switches to triceps and abdominals, and passes as many sets of Last Judgments as He can in a minute. Wednesdays are devoted to the back and legs, and Thursdays and Fridays are for core and flexibility.

Even Sabbaths are spent doing yoga, swimming, and basic strength-training isometrics such as push-ups, leg lifts, and chin-ups.

"There can be no day of rest," said Christ, His eyes filled with flaming fire. "Rest is for mortals."

The determined Savior has also forsworn His favorite high-calorie, high-carb foods such as fatted calf, loaves, and even His own body and blood, instead embracing muscle-building high-protein shakes and electrolyte-replacing sports drinks. And when temptation calls, Christ need only look at two pictures taped to His refrigerator: an icon of Himself prior to starting His regimen and a reproduction of Michelangelo's "Last Judgment" fresco torn from a magazine.

 

[Darkforbid]

(Deep inside prophet school)

What does the future say, Miu?

It know us! I will recover?

Still, submerged, pain, Miu,, it will deepen.

 

[Twilight Hue]

Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World

Members of the earth's earliest known civilization, the Sumerians, looked on in shock and confusion some 6,000 years ago as God, the Lord Almighty, created Heaven and Earth.

According to recently excavated clay tablets inscribed with cuneiform script, thousands of Sumerians—the first humans to establish systems of writing, agriculture, and government—were working on their sophisticated irrigation systems when the Father of All Creation reached down from the ether and blew the divine spirit of life into their thriving civilization.

"I do not understand," reads an ancient line of pictographs depicting the sun, the moon, water, and a Sumerian who appears to be scratching his head. "A booming voice is saying, 'Let there be light,' but there is already light. It is saying, 'Let the earth bring forth grass,' but I am already standing on grass."

"Everything is here already," the pictograph continues. "We do not need more stars."

Historians believe that, immediately following the biblical event, Sumerian witnesses returned to the city of Eridu, a bustling metropolis built 1,500 years before God called for the appearance of dry land, to discuss the new development. According to records, Sumerian farmers, priests, and civic administrators were not only befuddled, but also took issue with the face of God moving across the water, saying that He scared away those who were traveling to Mesopotamia to participate in their vast and intricate trade system.

Moreover, the Sumerians were taken aback by the creation of the same animals and herb-yielding seeds that they had been domesticating and cultivating for hundreds of generations.

"The Sumerian people must have found God's making of heaven and earth in the middle of their well-established society to be more of an annoyance than anything else," said Paul Helund, ancient history professor at Cornell University. "If what the pictographs indicate are true, His loud voice interrupted their ancient prayer rituals for an entire week."

According to the cuneiform tablets, Sumerians found God's most puzzling act to be the creation from dust of the first two human beings.

"These two people made in his image do not know how to communicate, lack skills in both mathematics and farming, and have the intellectual capacity of an infant," one Sumerian philosopher wrote. "They must be the creation of a complete idiot."

https://www.theonion.com/sumerians-look-on-in-confusion-as-god-creates-world-1819571221

ALIENS!!!

 

[sooda]

ALIENS!!!

LOLOL.. You know they had agriculture and irrigation, the wheel, cuneiform writing and sailboats over 6.000 years ago.

 

[David T]

Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World

Members of the earth's earliest known civilization, the Sumerians, looked on in shock and confusion some 6,000 years ago as God, the Lord Almighty, created Heaven and Earth.

According to recently excavated clay tablets inscribed with cuneiform script, thousands of Sumerians—the first humans to establish systems of writing, agriculture, and government—were working on their sophisticated irrigation systems when the Father of All Creation reached down from the ether and blew the divine spirit of life into their thriving civilization.

"I do not understand," reads an ancient line of pictographs depicting the sun, the moon, water, and a Sumerian who appears to be scratching his head. "A booming voice is saying, 'Let there be light,' but there is already light. It is saying, 'Let the earth bring forth grass,' but I am already standing on grass."

"Everything is here already," the pictograph continues. "We do not need more stars."

Historians believe that, immediately following the biblical event, Sumerian witnesses returned to the city of Eridu, a bustling metropolis built 1,500 years before God called for the appearance of dry land, to discuss the new development. According to records, Sumerian farmers, priests, and civic administrators were not only befuddled, but also took issue with the face of God moving across the water, saying that He scared away those who were traveling to Mesopotamia to participate in their vast and intricate trade system.

Moreover, the Sumerians were taken aback by the creation of the same animals and herb-yielding seeds that they had been domesticating and cultivating for hundreds of generations.

"The Sumerian people must have found God's making of heaven and earth in the middle of their well-established society to be more of an annoyance than anything else," said Paul Helund, ancient history professor at Cornell University. "If what the pictographs indicate are true, His loud voice interrupted their ancient prayer rituals for an entire week."

According to the cuneiform tablets, Sumerians found God's most puzzling act to be the creation from dust of the first two human beings.

"These two people made in his image do not know how to communicate, lack skills in both mathematics and farming, and have the intellectual capacity of an infant," one Sumerian philosopher wrote. "They must be the creation of a complete idiot."

https://www.theonion.com/sumerians-look-on-in-confusion-as-god-creates-world-1819571221

UFOs Remain Elusive Despite Decades of Study
Happens all the time. We observe something, have no clue, and we create all kinds of stories regardless...

You aren't proposing that the observer in this case YEC understands what they are looking at, (the bible)?

If you look at something and have no clue well your no clueness becomes a story about what you have no clue about.

It in a sense it happens at the sub concious level and religion and or science for that matter arent exempt.

Science is wonderful in negating and in particular aspects such as you point out in religion. It has zero to say about the text, and when it tries its just another YEC creation without jesus is all. Nothing personal but YEC without jesus is just as silly and common. The text is the experience of, not a map of territory. YEC is proof.

 

[Twilight Hue]

LOLOL.. You know they had agriculture and irrigation, the wheel, cuneiform writing and sailboats over 6.000 years ago.

The aliens taught them!!!!

 

[Revoltingest]

The aliens taught them!!!!

https://www.theonion.com/controversial-theory-suggests-aliens-may-have-built-anc-1825331866
CAIRO—Claiming that one of the world’s most famous and iconic historic structures couldn’t have been constructed using the resources available at the time, proponents of a controversial new theory suggested this week that aliens may have built Egypt’s ancient intergalactic spaceport. “Archaeologists say the Great Starport of Philopator was built by slaves, but it’s hard to believe that ancient humans could have dragged those zero-point energy generators and quantum vacuum storage toroids across the landscape with flax-fiber ropes and palm logs,” said “Ancient Astronaut Architect” advocate Bryan Miller, adding that, despite what history books tell us, at least half the technology used to create Cairo’s 500-zettawatt interstellar launch complex likely didn’t even exist a century before the birth of Christ. “Even if they had the tools in the Pharaonic era, the evidence overwhelmingly suggests that humans didn’t have the grasp of transtemporal quantum entanglement, 3-manifold-model nesting universes, or haplophase antimatter required to build 40-story docking stations from hard light. Society wants us to believe it was man-made, but just take one look at the Egyptians’ heptaxial Alcubierre drives and you know someone from ‘Out There’ was helping us.” Miller added that the theory is basically confirmed when you consider that the spaceport’s primary landing strips align perfectly with the three interdimensional portals in the constellation Sagittarius.

 

[Audie]

And that was just the beginning.
More divine events await...
https://www.theonion.com/christ-getting-in-shape-for-second-coming-1819569039
HEAVEN—Emerging from a grueling 90 minutes of cardiovascular exercise and light lifting for tone, Son of God Jesus Christ said Monday that He is "definitely on track" to achieve peak fitness condition for the Second Coming.
The Son of God spends each morning trying to attain perfect abdominal definition.
"If every eye is going to see Me, and all the tribes of earth are going to wail on account of Me, I think I owe it to them and to Myself to be in the best shape of My life," Christ said. "Right now I'm up to 35 minutes at seven [miles per hour] on the treadmill and benching about 165 [pounds]."

"I'm really starting to feel like I'll have the strength and endurance to move every mountain and island from its place," Christ added.

Since His birthday last Dec. 25, Christ has committed Himself to a demanding daily regimen of exercise and prophecy fulfillment. Each of His workouts, Christ said, starts with an hour of cardio, after which He focuses on two muscle groups, replacing conventional free weights with the Rod of Iron with which He intends to rule all nations.

On Mondays, Christ works His chest and biceps and completes three sets of 10 transfigurations. On Tuesdays, He switches to triceps and abdominals, and passes as many sets of Last Judgments as He can in a minute. Wednesdays are devoted to the back and legs, and Thursdays and Fridays are for core and flexibility.

Even Sabbaths are spent doing yoga, swimming, and basic strength-training isometrics such as push-ups, leg lifts, and chin-ups.

"There can be no day of rest," said Christ, His eyes filled with flaming fire. "Rest is for mortals."

The determined Savior has also forsworn His favorite high-calorie, high-carb foods such as fatted calf, loaves, and even His own body and blood, instead embracing muscle-building high-protein shakes and electrolyte-replacing sports drinks. And when temptation calls, Christ need only look at two pictures taped to His refrigerator: an icon of Himself prior to starting His regimen and a reproduction of Michelangelo's "Last Judgment" fresco torn from a magazine.

We all gots to get in shape for this

 

[Quagmire]

***Thread Moved to the Jokes forum***​

 

[sooda]

***Thread Moved to the Jokes forum***​

Thanks...…….

 

[Twilight Hue]

https://www.theonion.com/controversial-theory-suggests-aliens-may-have-built-anc-1825331866
CAIRO—Claiming that one of the world’s most famous and iconic historic structures couldn’t have been constructed using the resources available at the time, proponents of a controversial new theory suggested this week that aliens may have built Egypt’s ancient intergalactic spaceport. “Archaeologists say the Great Starport of Philopator was built by slaves, but it’s hard to believe that ancient humans could have dragged those zero-point energy generators and quantum vacuum storage toroids across the landscape with flax-fiber ropes and palm logs,” said “Ancient Astronaut Architect” advocate Bryan Miller, adding that, despite what history books tell us, at least half the technology used to create Cairo’s 500-zettawatt interstellar launch complex likely didn’t even exist a century before the birth of Christ. “Even if they had the tools in the Pharaonic era, the evidence overwhelmingly suggests that humans didn’t have the grasp of transtemporal quantum entanglement, 3-manifold-model nesting universes, or haplophase antimatter required to build 40-story docking stations from hard light. Society wants us to believe it was man-made, but just take one look at the Egyptians’ heptaxial Alcubierre drives and you know someone from ‘Out There’ was helping us.” Miller added that the theory is basically confirmed when you consider that the spaceport’s primary landing strips align perfectly with the three interdimensional portals in the constellation Sagittarius.

See???

The onion proves it.

ALIENS!!!!

 

[sooda]

The aliens taught them!!!!

Right.. The Anunnaki… A friend researched and wrote a modern day script. He went broke with production costs so the film was never distributed, but the nuts came out of the woodwork... convinced that the government or the church had sabotaged the project to keep the secrets of the aliens. I swear its true.

 

[Evangelicalhumanist]

I find this article very funny with a bit of truth.. They have found thousands of clay tablets in Dilmun (Bahrain) and in Ugarit (Ras Shamra) that predate Genesis by a thousand years.

There's a lot of history in the ME and its not all Jewish history.

I've long loved the Epic of Gilgamesh. And the thought that the Sumerians were brewing beer before God even got around to creating the world gives me great pleasure.

Oh, and Noah's real name was....Utnapushtim.

It's really worth reading.

 

[sooda]

I've long loved the Epic of Gilgamesh. And the thought that the Sumerians were brewing beer before God even got around to creating the world gives me great pleasure.

Oh, and Noah's real name was....Utnapushtim.

It's really worth reading.

Thanks. I will.

 

[Evangelicalhumanist]

Thanks. I will.

You will not be disappointed, but see if you can find a good translation...the more poetic, the better.

It really does have a lot in it, and especially the story of the flood.

 

[sooda]

You will not be disappointed, but see if you can find a good translation...the more poetic, the better.

It really does have a lot in it, and especially the story of the flood.

I have read excerpts of it...

I have read Ziusudra or Zin-Suddu of Shuruppak..

And I am a huge fan of Samuel Kramer's work History Begins at Sumer.

 

[YoursTrue]

Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World

Members of the earth's earliest known civilization, the Sumerians, looked on in shock and confusion some 6,000 years ago as God, the Lord Almighty, created Heaven and Earth.

According to recently excavated clay tablets inscribed with cuneiform script, thousands of Sumerians—the first humans to establish systems of writing, agriculture, and government—were working on their sophisticated irrigation systems when the Father of All Creation reached down from the ether and blew the divine spirit of life into their thriving civilization.

"I do not understand," reads an ancient line of pictographs depicting the sun, the moon, water, and a Sumerian who appears to be scratching his head. "A booming voice is saying, 'Let there be light,' but there is already light. It is saying, 'Let the earth bring forth grass,' but I am already standing on grass."

"Everything is here already," the pictograph continues. "We do not need more stars."

Historians believe that, immediately following the biblical event, Sumerian witnesses returned to the city of Eridu, a bustling metropolis built 1,500 years before God called for the appearance of dry land, to discuss the new development. According to records, Sumerian farmers, priests, and civic administrators were not only befuddled, but also took issue with the face of God moving across the water, saying that He scared away those who were traveling to Mesopotamia to participate in their vast and intricate trade system.

Moreover, the Sumerians were taken aback by the creation of the same animals and herb-yielding seeds that they had been domesticating and cultivating for hundreds of generations.

"The Sumerian people must have found God's making of heaven and earth in the middle of their well-established society to be more of an annoyance than anything else," said Paul Helund, ancient history professor at Cornell University. "If what the pictographs indicate are true, His loud voice interrupted their ancient prayer rituals for an entire week."

According to the cuneiform tablets, Sumerians found God's most puzzling act to be the creation from dust of the first two human beings.

"These two people made in his image do not know how to communicate, lack skills in both mathematics and farming, and have the intellectual capacity of an infant," one Sumerian philosopher wrote. "They must be the creation of a complete idiot."

https://www.theonion.com/sumerians-look-on-in-confusion-as-god-creates-world-1819571221

You don't think the Neanderthals were civilized??

 

[sooda]

You don't think the Neanderthals were civilized??

Do you know the Onion?