Paul had a similar problem...
For I do not understand my own actions [I am baffled, bewildered]. I do not practice or accomplish what I wish, but I do the very thing that I loathe [which my moral instinct condemns]. Now if I do [habitually] what is contrary to my desire, [that means that] I acknowledge and agree that the Law is good (morally excellent) and that I take sides with it. However, it is no longer I who do the deed, but the sin [principle] which is at home in me and has possession of me. For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot perform it. [I have the intention and urge to do what is right, but no power to carry it out.] For I fail to practice the good deeds I desire to do, but the evil deeds that I do not desire to do are what I am [ever] doing. Now if I do what I do not desire to do, it is no longer I doing it [it is not myself that acts], but the sin [principle] which dwells within me [fixed and operating in my soul]. So I find it to be a law (rule of action of my being) that when I want to do what is right and good, evil is ever present with me and I am subject to its insistent demands. For I endorse and delight in the Law of God in my inmost self [with my new nature]. But I discern in my bodily members [in the sensitive appetites and wills of the flesh] a different law (rule of action) at war against the law of my mind (my reason) and making me a prisoner to the law of sin that dwells in my bodily organs [in the sensitive appetites and wills of the flesh]. O unhappy and pitiable and wretched man that I am! Who will release and deliver me from [the shackles of] this body of death? O thank God! [He will!] through Jesus Christ (the Anointed One) our Lord! So then indeed I, of myself with the mind and heart, serve the Law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin. --Romans 7:15-25 (Amplified Bible)
Ok, I just made this video and published it to YouTube just for you...
It is basically a mono cassette-tape recording of my girlfriend's son's roommate in a residential substance abuse treatment facility about 15 years ago--recorded on a home tape recorder in their shared room. The song is an original composition of his, and it speaks of that passage in Romans in kind of a humorous way:
The Message Always Gets In
by Will Hall
I do not understand
The things that I do
And what I want to do
I do not do and what I hate I do.
Well please don't have me say it
Over again
Well it's like Dr. Suess in Romans
but I like it more than green eggs and ham.
When my mind gets weighed down in turns
I always begin again
Well I may get tongue-tied with words
But the message gets in
The message always gets in...
And if I do
What I don't want to do
Oh what I do is not the good I want to do
And all these things I still do
Will someone please
Tell me what I just said
Because I got a lot of do's and don'ts
And wills and won'ts whirling in my head
...etc.
I still have the tape, with seven songs on it, about four or five of which would be of marketable quality, if they had professional engineering and recording, but as far as I know, they never got any further than that home cassette tape.
The man had talent...
