Something clicked in my brain.(realization)

[Spirit of Light]

I hope this post is not too personal.
But I had a realization this morning about an issue I have been struggling with all my life. The issue has been that I have not been able to feel comfortable around other men. I have never known why this occurred, but I suspect 12 years of bullying in childhood is a reason.

It has been so bad at times that I could not even shake hands with another man. Let alone give someone hug or be in a situation where out of happiness someone wanted to give me a hug. It honestly made me feel sick. And it was never meant to hurt others or be against men. It was a mental issue for me as a person (so I do not blame other men)

But when I woke up this morning and was watching a video on youtube (mental health), something clicked in my head and I found the answer to my problem (I am my own problem) What happened in the past with all the bullying has shaped me in a way that I did not control, but as soon I took control over the fear (happened today) I understand that, yes even I do have my "personal space awareness" I do not need to fear if someone gets within this zone, because I am the one in charge of my own personal zone.

The feeling of being able to clear out this negative thought I carry for a long time feels actually really refreshing

(No i not going to run around hugging men every day now )

Sorry if this thread became to personal ...

 

[Srivijaya]

*Hugs*

 

[wizanda]

"personal space awareness"

In the past it was much worse, which is why we learned Martial Arts, and carried a staff.

Having also been bullied through school, put in isolation for much of it because male teachers also took offence at me, and now strong Yang characters online...

Where it almost feels they disapprove of people being in their space, where it then starts their challenging behaviour...

It seems an animalistic fundamental of the male driven ego in life: if you push them, they'll push back, and thus there is a whole pecking order taking place where ever we look - between animals, people, everyone is trying to claim a spot.

This is where Lao Tzu points out "know the masculine, keep to the feminine, and be the brook of the world", as the Yin is all yielding, and receptive; whereas the masculine generally is pushing its self into other's space.

In my opinion.

 

[Spirit of Light]

In the past it was much worse, which is why we learned Martial Arts, and carried a staff.

Having also been bullied through school, put in isolation for much of it because male teachers also took offence at me, and now strong Yang characters online...

Where it almost feels they disapprove of people being in their space, where it then starts their challenging behaviour...

It seems an animalistic fundamental of the male driven ego in life: if you push them, they'll push back, and thus there is a whole pecking order taking place, where ever we look - between animals, people, everyone is trying to claim a spot.

This is where Lao Tzu points out "know the masculine, keep to the feminine, and be the brook of the world", as the Yin is all yielding, and receptive; whereas the masculine generally is pushing its self into other's space.

In my opinion.

When I was young, and still today I do not push back if someone trying to push me to react physically in a situation. So in the 12 years of bullying I never once hit them back or pushed them. I just kept more and more away from guys in general, and actually I only had one male friend who I trusted.

 

[wizanda]

So in the 12 years of bullying I never once hit them back or pushed them.

Which generally makes them continue, bullying is only bluffing like in poker most of the time; once we get them to play their hand by showing there is something to contend with, they retreat...

They're seeing if they can claim a spot, and since there is very little analysis that all animals do this, and thus children will, especially in confined target driven environments - it is getting worse.

We need to as a society recognize that pecking order will always happen, and then allow for full contact organized fair fights; to allow the extremes of the yang, and balance them, not retreat from them, else we get an opposite reaction.

Same with the balance of previous bullying can be transduced it into something more constructive:

We can be angry (Yang) about bullying, and convert that into energy of love to prevent it in all action (Yin).

because I am the one in charge of my own personal zone.

The Source of reality is in charge of our own personal zone, and therefore trying to hold onto or be attach to personal space will lead to suffering.

In my opinion.

 

[Spirit of Light]

Which generally makes them continue, bullying is only bluffing like in poker most of the time; once we get them to play their hand by showing there is something to contend with, they retreat...

They're seeing if they can claim a spot, and since there is very little analysis that all animals do this, and thus children will, especially in confined target driven environments - it is getting worse.

We need to as a society recognize that pecking order will always happen, and then allow for full contact organized fair fights; to allow the extremes of the yang, and balance them, not retreat from them, else we get an opposite reaction.

Same with the balance of previous bullying can be transduced it into something more constructive:

We can be angry (Yang) about bullying, and convert that into energy of love to prevent it in all action (Yin).

The Source of reality is in charge of our own personal zone, and therefore trying to hold onto or be attach to personal space will lead to suffering.

In my opinion.

When i spoke about personal space, it is within 3-4 feet from me, so not a big area to feel safer in It is this pace that i realized today that i was the cause of it arise, not them i see it as it was my fear of men that created the "need for a personal space"

 

[Deeje]

I hope this post is not too personal.
But I had a realization this morning about an issue I have been struggling with all my life. The issue has been that I have not been able to feel comfortable around other men. I have never known why this occurred, but I suspect 12 years of bullying in childhood is a reason.

It has been so bad at times that I could not even shake hands with another man. Let alone give someone hug or be in a situation where out of happiness someone wanted to give me a hug. It honestly made me feel sick. And it was never meant to hurt others or be against men. It was a mental issue for me as a person (so I do not blame other men)

But when I woke up this morning and was watching a video on youtube (mental health), something clicked in my head and I found the answer to my problem (I am my own problem) What happened in the past with all the bullying has shaped me in a way that I did not control, but as soon I took control over the fear (happened today) I understand that, yes even I do have my "personal space awareness" I do not need to fear if someone gets within this zone, because I am the one in charge of my own personal zone.

The feeling of being able to clear out this negative thought I carry for a long time feels actually really refreshing

(No i not going to run around hugging men every day now )

Sorry if this thread became to personal ...

This is very empowering for you Amanaki...so glad you can shed some of that baggage....you will feel much lighter now.

Bullies are just cowards who are usually the victims of bullying themselves...usually at home. They steal power off others to overcome their own feelings of worthlessness. Sad really.

 

[Spirit of Light]

This is very empowering for you Amanaki...so glad you can shed some of that baggage....you will feel much lighter now.

Bullies are just cowards who are usually the victims of bullying themselves...usually at home. They steal power off others to overcome their own feelings of worthlessness. Sad really.

So agree with you I remember I used many years to let go of the anger toward them it was 6-7 guys who were bullying me in school, But what I did later in my life was to contact them to say I forgiven them for what they did toward me. So the last realization today was a huge burden for me to let go of

 

[Deeje]

So agree with you I remember I used many years to let go of the anger toward them it was 6-7 guys who were bullying me in school, But what I did later in my life was to contact them to say I forgiven them for what they did toward me. So the last realization today was a huge burden for me to let go of

Wow, that took courage. Forgiveness is so much better than regret or repressed anger. It allows you to release all that negativity.
I am very happy for you.

 

[Spirit of Light]

Wow, that took courage. Forgiveness is so much better than regret or repressed anger. It allows you to release all that negativity.
I am very happy for you.

Thank you @Deeje

 

[Aupmanyav]

But I had a realization this morning about an issue I have been struggling with all my life.

I am happy for you, Amanaki. Look at our Prime Minister, Narendra Modi. He goes on hugging every leader that he meets (I do not think he has hugged Xi Jinping, but not because he has any reservation about that). Then, a God-woman of India, Amritanandamayi. She hugs every person who meets her.
Modi's Hugs - Google Search
Amritanandamayi's hugs - Google Search

 

[ChristineM]

I hope this post is not too personal.
But I had a realization this morning about an issue I have been struggling with all my life. The issue has been that I have not been able to feel comfortable around other men. I have never known why this occurred, but I suspect 12 years of bullying in childhood is a reason.

It has been so bad at times that I could not even shake hands with another man. Let alone give someone hug or be in a situation where out of happiness someone wanted to give me a hug. It honestly made me feel sick. And it was never meant to hurt others or be against men. It was a mental issue for me as a person (so I do not blame other men)

But when I woke up this morning and was watching a video on youtube (mental health), something clicked in my head and I found the answer to my problem (I am my own problem) What happened in the past with all the bullying has shaped me in a way that I did not control, but as soon I took control over the fear (happened today) I understand that, yes even I do have my "personal space awareness" I do not need to fear if someone gets within this zone, because I am the one in charge of my own personal zone.

The feeling of being able to clear out this negative thought I carry for a long time feels actually really refreshing

(No i not going to run around hugging men every day now )

Sorry if this thread became to personal ...

Today you won one.

 

[Spirit of Light]

I am happy for you, Amanaki. Look at our Prime Minister, Narendra Modi. He goes on hugging every leader that he meets (I do not think he has hugged Xi Jinping, but not because he has any reservation about that). Then, a God-woman of India, Amritanandamayi. She hugs every person who meets her.
Modi's Hugs - Google Search
Amritanandamayi's hugs - Google Search

Hehe I am not going to be a full time hugger But i do not feel sick from a hug anymore Small steps in the beginning

 

[Aupmanyav]

Yeah, not good to over-do that.