Single or married?

[Thea]

Christians either marry (with the intention to have children) or remain celibate.

 

[stvdv]

Why, it's not a go to book for single people.

Why is that a problem?
I am single

Note: I use any book advice only if it feels right

The Apostle Paul was single, among others mentioned in the Bible.

And Jesus, the main Bible narrator, was single

When I was 10 years old, I told my mother "I will never marry, nor have children", and I also said "If Jesus is on earth, I will go there"

 

[stvdv]

I don't think the authors of these verses ever envisaged a situation where there were so many humans that it endangered the ecosystem itself

Well, I was talking about God, who inspired the words "go and multiply", the human authors may have misinterpreted what God "whispered"

And why should they? Back then the problem was not having enough surviving children.

True

That's yet another reason why the Bible should not be taken too literally, or in this case a commandment for one time should not be assumed to be for all times

Very true...taking too literal is no good

 

[stvdv]

And a silly question. Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults have in adultery?

Not silly...very creative I would call it

Infants have definitely more fun in infancy
then
Adults have in adultery

Because deep down adulterers know they act Adharmic (not right/correct), hence it's not genuine fun

 

[Brickjectivity]

The Bible says we are to go forth and be fruitful, multiply the earth with humans! When I was in the Pentecostal church, men who wanted to preach could not take on a church unless they were married.y sister says churches don't have as many single groups as they use to.

This woman on youtube who use to be a Hare Krishna said her Ashram would only allow women to do 2 things, live in the ashram or be married.

So my question for Christians and other religions is does the church and other religions support singles as they should?

In my personal experience no, however I think this varies. The modern trend of dating without arranging marriages is challenging. We are in a new environment, and I don't think churches have kept up. In older times marriages had a purpose in addition to children and in addition to romance. Now most people think it is about love or children only. I think this has a lot of unanticipated consequences. Another unanticipated issue is the prevailing attitude that the bible has all of the wisdom one needs. I have heard this claimed many times both in articles and from stages. When it comes to marriage that is untrue.

Another unanticipated issue is the common claim that God will guide people to the right partner. This is putting a requirement upon God as far as I can tell. There is no guaranteed correct partner or guide to such. It is also not right to demand guidance from God in this choice process. It is no different from demanding God to tell you which way to turn your head. Just use your senses.

What is needed? I think churches that want to help people should do so. I think they should offer match making, should offer mixers and dances too. Another way they can help is to lower the stress associated with marrying the wrong person. Sometimes people marry someone that has a mental problem or some kind of incompatibility. There's no need for there to be blame or a tribunal when it doesn't work.

Lastly, many churches claim that marriages are unbreakable heavenly bonds. I think this arose as a result of the way marriage used to work in the past. In the past marriage under corrupt laws could be used as a way to gain control of women and sell them. This problem recurred and may recur again in future. There are mentions of this happening in the complaints of the prophets in scripture, but currently it is illegal to own women at all. That may not be the case everywhere, so in other places perhaps it is not a good idea to recognize divorces.

In scripture marriage should not be dissolved when children are being brought up righteously. This is great when both spouses agree on how children are to be brought up. It seems they do have a moral duty to stay together for the childrens' sake. What about when they do not? Then it seems that in scripture the moral duty is to divorce even in spite of the love between the parents.

 

[Kathryn]

I'm single and very happy to be so and don't feel unsupported by my church, for the record. Go wherever suits you and your lifestyle and your goals. And of course your beliefs.

 

[Alien826]

Well, I was talking about God, who inspired the words "go and multiply", the human authors may have misinterpreted what God "whispered"

He might have been talking about arithmetic. The question arises though, why didn't he mention addition, subtraction and division?

Just kidding.

 

[Alien826]

Sorry, I did not mean to offend anyone.... I believe in live and let live, and if people still have sexual desire in old age and can perform, go for it! The thing is that after menopause the hormones in women decline, but they don't decline as much in men so there is kind of a mismatch. Nevertheless, many women still want sex in older age and even if the physical desire is not there the ability still is, and there might be a psychological desire. However, there may be no desire in the woman, and that puts women in a very difficult position when almost all men want sex, no matter how old they are.

It seems that sexual desire in women declines in a long-term relationship. Here's a link and a quote. The study included younger pre-menopausal women.

Long-term relationships may reduce women's sex drive

The study found that women who had stayed in the same monogamous relationship over the entire 7-year observation period experienced the greatest decrease in sexual desire.

By contrast, women who had found a new partner over the study duration experienced lower decreases in sexual desire.

Women who were single at the end of the observation period reported stable sexual desire.

That's not a surprise to men. I'll quote the the old joke*. "There's a food that destroys sexual desire in women ... wedding cake".

Here is an interesting article I dug up. Please bear in mind that this is everyone over 50. I think the percentages would change after 60, 70, or 80.

Sex at 50-Plus: What's Normal? - Older Married Couples, Having Sex ...

31 percent of couples have sex several times a week; 28 percent of couples have sex a couple of times a month; and 8 percent of couples have sex once a month. Sadly — or so we thought — 33 percent of respondents said they rarely or never have sex. But even among couples who report being "extremely happy," an astonishing one-fourth rarely or never get it on.

Interesting. "31 percent of couples have sex several times a week"

* I find jokes to be a very interesting indicator of cultural attitudes, and often contain a lot of truth about how people feel.

 

[Psalm23]

This is true.


This is true. However, the bible says it's better to marry than burn in your lust. We are supposed to go forth and have babies and replenish the earth.

I have had many church folks surprised because I told them I have never had children. As an older woman, I get the idea they didn't approve of me not having any children.

I think some churches who require their pastors to be married think in terms of him being tempted by sex if he does not get married.

How many single male pastors do we have? This excludes the Catholics whose priests are single. Does the church encourage folks especially the leadership to be married so they won't fall into lust?

I see nothing wrong with getting married and deciding not to have children.

 

[stvdv]

He might have been talking about arithmetic. The question arises though, why didn't he mention addition, subtraction and division?

Just kidding.

Well, that's easy. God thought highly of us. In math you start with addition, subtraction, so God guessed we managed that already, and He tried to teach us the next level...multiply

And God, being smart, used sex as an incentive, as he knew humans couldn't say no to that, and He was right..in just a few decades the world population grew immensely. 1830 1 billion. 1930 2 billion and 2030 8 billion

Of course, just kidding too

 

[Trailblazer]

"There's a food that destroys sexual desire in women ... wedding cake".

That didn't happen to me, the exact opposite occurred.
Then again, I had waited for 32 years.

 

[stvdv]

I see nothing wrong with getting married and deciding not to have children.

I go 1 step further:
"There is nothing wrong with getting married and deciding not to have children"

 

[Riders]

I wonder why Priests and nuns can not be married. I sometimes go to a Catholic chat room. I may ask them that.

 

[Psalm23]

I go 1 step further:
"There is nothing wrong with getting married and deciding not to have children"

That is the same thing that I meant by my statement. I agree with you.

 

[stvdv]

That is the same thing that I meant by my statement. I agree with you.

Well, you said "I see", so you wrote it as your opinion. I wrote mine as a claim (Truth); probably the only claim I ever made on RF

 

[Kathryn]

I wonder why Priests and nuns can not be married. I sometimes go to a Catholic chat room. I may ask them that.

They are "married" to God. Oh and by the way, some priests CAN be married, but they need to be converts from a similar church body and previously married while being a priest, for instance in the Episcopalian church or something similar. One of our priests is actually married.

Celibacy is "a special gift of God by which sacred ministers can more easily remain close to Christ with an undivided heart, and can dedicate themselves more freely to the service of God and their neighbour."

But Jesus wasn't married. Nor was Paul for that matter. And I'm guessing some other church leaders over the centuries.

 

[Psalm23]

Well, you said "I see", so you wrote it as your opinion. I wrote mine as a claim (Truth); probably the only claim I ever made on RF

I got you and certainly agree 100 percent that there is nothing wrong with being married and not having children.

 

[GardenLady]

I wonder why Priests and nuns can not be married.

Regarding priests, there was a time they were allowed to be married, but apparently, they willed church property to their children. We can't have that.

As to women, I will say, based on many decades in the Catholic church, that women are only valued if they are (1) fetuses, (2) pregnant, or (3) free or cheap labor to the church--nuns being the latter.

 

[stvdv]

I got you and certainly agree 100 percent that there is nothing wrong with being married and not having children.

Getting children is even God's Grace, as we know from mother Mary. So, if I were to marry, and decided "no children", God easily can mess up my plan...as "Thy will be done"

You do have a nice looking friend though, the hairy female (my guess) one on your profile picture. Much easier to handle than most husbands, according to the statistics. And they are usually more faithful

 

[Psalm23]

Getting children is even God's Grace, as we know from mother Mary. So, if I were to marry, and decided "no children", God easily can mess up my plan...as "Thy will be done"

You do have a nice looking friend though, the hairy female (my guess) one on your profile picture. Much easier to handle than most husbands, according to the statistics. And they are usually more faithful

The cat on my profile picture is Max. He can be sweet and other times not. It typically takes time for him to warm up to guests though he may rub up to them.