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Single and Looking Advice?
- Thread starter Psalm23
- Start date
Stop looking. Make your life so that finding a man would be completely inconvenient; perhaps even destroy a few of your plans... and then you'll find one. 
As for more conventional methods, often friends of friends can be good looking points. Dating sites work for many, too If it worked for my dad, it can work for anyone! He tried a Christian dating website(funny enough, it was the only time he ever used the internet, and he stopped after he found his wife).
As for more conventional methods, often friends of friends can be good looking points. Dating sites work for many, too If it worked for my dad, it can work for anyone! He tried a Christian dating website(funny enough, it was the only time he ever used the internet, and he stopped after he found his wife).
Twilight Hue
Twilight, not bright nor dark, good nor bad.
Stay single.
exchemist
Veteran Member
Favourite places to find compatible partners seems to be the workplace and shared social activities e.g. hobbies, sports and so on. My own record for where I found girlfriends, and eventually my wife, is as follows:-
University introduction
Workplace
Geology evening class (hobby)
Workplace
Workplace
Party
Sailing club
Workplace
Rowing club
And now, being an elderly widower, I have found a sort of platonic, female, kindred spirit and walking companion through singing. (I'm not really in the market for anything more than that, these days.)
I may not be typical of course. I'm someone who has always hated the frantic dating scene: discos, clubs, vacuous airhead parties and so forth.
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Subduction Zone
Veteran Member
Just remember to warm up first:
Otherwise this was exactly what I was going to recommend. The OP's best shot is to get socially active doing things that she likes to do.
I can't give you advice but i can relate a story you may be able to adapt.
I know a guy who considered himself getting too old to attract women (this was in our mid 20s). Although he did the clubs and pubs he is a little shy and could never start up a conversation with a woman. W
What he needed was an ice breaker.
He bought the cutest little pocket dog that he would take with him to the pub. He'd buy his drink and set the dog free. Usually within a few minutes someone would approach him carrying the dog and ask "Is this dog yours". Sometimes a man, sometimes an older lady but often enough it would be a woman of his own age. They had asked the question and broken the ice. He often then spent an enjoyable evening with a lady he could talk with.
He's been happily married for 15 years, he likes to tease that his wife was the unlucky 13th that his dog had brought home.
amorphous_constellation
Well-Known Member
I don't know what it is like in the uk, but in america, there has always been a strong cultural and sometimes regulatory aversion to looking for that in a workplace.
Secret Chief
nirvana is samsara
Avoid them. The worst are on forums.
exchemist
Veteran Member
That can be overdone. It is obviously risky to go out with someone with whom you have, or might have, any kind of professional relationship. I always made a point of not going out with anyone who worked in the same department as myself. In one case she was an admin person in my department, so I waited until I moved to another location - and then immediately asked her out. Another time I met a refinery technologist working on the same refinery but in a quite different department, with no connection to mine. And then there was a girl I met on a training course, who was from another part of the business.
Such things are only natural, as you are thrown together, you tend to have similar backgrounds and ages and you have things in common to get a friendship started. It's quite ridiculous - and cruel - for a business to insist that no two people working for the organisation can ever form a relationship.
Secret Chief
nirvana is samsara
Is that legally enforcable in the UK? Or even practicable?
I worked in an office of about 2-300 people and once totted up how many were in relationships that were "in house." It was easily more than 50% (including me!)
exchemist
Veteran Member
Well exactly.
Apart from the ones I've mentioned, there were several near misses, one girl who did the same keep fit class after work in the gym, another who did the promotional materials - oh and there was one that edited the in-house magazine (in fact she wasn't a near miss at all, come to think of it).
And my wife, who I met at the rowing club, also worked for the same company, though in a totally different part of the business. So she wasn't a near miss: she was, in time, an actual mrs.
Make friends with men and don't try to rush or force a romance or relationship. Eventually, you may well develop a romantic bond with one of them. Don't bottle up your feelings if you do.
I believe many of the best romances start out as good friendships. At least that's what I've seen within my social circle. It's kind of a win-win situation, too: if you're looking for a romance and it happens to develop, great. If it doesn't form, you may still have a good friend.
It is we men who need advice, so unfortunately my advice won't do a lot for you but...
#1 relax. This is the thing to practice. Its better than any makeup or weight loss routine or even having legs. Feel relaxed. If you are anxious, men get confused about what you are feeling. Anxiety confuses men and dogs alike. That stressed look on your face or in your posture can be misinterpreted in many ways, most of them negative. Its not a rule. I'm not saying that anxiety can never be attractive. I'm saying that the best plan is to appear happy, confident and peaceful. Not everyone can do this, but everyone can do a little better. A little improvement may have big results, too.
Better to be made fun of than to be avoided. If you cannot seem relaxed, then try some other larger emotion to mask it. I think even anger is better. At least people understand it. At least you can control how you are perceived. Even hate is comprehensible. That could get you more love than anxiety.
#2 watch this video. She's very clever and has a lot of very good tips. Its all dynamite.
Trailblazer
Veteran Member
I know a lot of people won't agree with me but if I was looking for a husband I would use a dating service such as eharmony and try to find someone who is compatible. The chances of finding someone compatible in a social setting is not that likely and a bar is not a good place to meet a man.
InChrist
Free4ever
What kind of person are you looking for, or what character traits and values are important to you? I would suggest determining the ones that are most important to you that you feel you wouldn’t want to compromise on, while being more flexible and not as picky on ones of lesser priority. Ultimately, bring your request and desire to God and wait, while continuing to serve Him, by interacting, serving, helping and loving others in church and any situations you are involved in.
It may be that you already are doing all this.
I've seen mixed reviews about online dating. Some people say they've met their lifetime mates with online dating, and others say it's a waste of time, full of phonies and fakes, etc.
RestlessSoul
Well-Known Member
I recommended e-harmony to my ex wife. That was six years ago, and she remarried last month. Which caused me mixed feelings, but I’m happy for her.
exchemist
Veteran Member
I agree, to an extent. What I think is definitely the case is that it helps to be in an environment in which you can see people in their broader interactions with others and can size them up a bit, before declaring an interest. As a man, there's always the risk of being too much influenced by looks, when really one needs to let the other two dimensions, intelligence and personality, to come into focus.
But there are always exceptions. I met one girl at a dodgy "back to school" themed nurses' party, in Sharjah (UAE), that I went to against my better judgment. It was an excuse for the nurses to put on their tarty St. Trinian's short skirts etc and I went in short trousers and wearing a tie. The girl I found intriguing, however, had avoided the obvious and come as a blackboard! So I thought she was, clearly, the one to chat up and ask out. She accepted, in part, as I found out a week later in bed, because she thought I had good knees. (I was a Laser sailor at the time).
Trailblazer
Veteran Member
I always think of eharmony because after my brother's wife of 27 years died of cancer he was adamant about getting married again, but he did not even know how to use a computer back then which was about 20 years ago, so he put an ad in the newspaper. Well, he had some responses but nothing panned out.
After that he went on a Baha'i dating website but he did not get matched up with anyone there so he joined eharmony. As it turned out, he met a Baha'i woman on eharmony whose husband of many years had also died and they met and got married soon after that.
At that time he lived in Washington State and she lived in California so he moved down there, but later, after my mother died in 2007 and he came into half of her inheritance, he and his new wife decided to move to a small town in Colorado where they bought a house. I don't keep in touch with my brother anymore.
He had a very good relationship with his first wife of 27 years but he also has a very good relationship with his second wife, and in many ways they are more compatible. My brother is a very dedicated Baha'i and both of his wives were/are very dedicated, so their lives have always revolved around the Faith.
If I ever become a widow I will probably want to marry again, like my brother, and my husband knows that and thinks it is a good idea. It is not that I need anyone to take care of me, because I am fully self-sufficient and financially set for life. I do not mind being alone, I actually like it, but I don't know if I would want to live alone forever.
Speaking of being alone, my husband took a turn for the worse so he is now in the hospital. He does not have a diagnosis yet but it could be serious. Only after this happened did I realize how much I care about him and love him. Before this we were always bickering and we were not close, even to the point of talking about a separation, but as I told you before, I would never abandon him because even if he was not sick he cannot take care of himself, as he depends upon me for most everything and has for the 37 years we have been married.
It is interesting how a health scare can turn the tables on a relationship. I wrote up a post about this to start a new thread but I have not posted it yet since I have been spending all my time at the hospital and I don't have time to answer posts. I am off to the hospital to spend the day with him now.