I think it is fair to say that the Coronavirus pandemic is probably the most serious international crisis since the Second World War. American politics is also in a very difficult place right now and is setting uneasy precedents for other countries as the limits of democracy are tested. We are facing an invisible enemy that we can't see, can't hear, can't smell and don't become aware of until a week or two after we already have it - the corona-virus. The lack of certainty and lack of control overwhelms our better nature and feeds the worst part of ourselves. It is particularly difficult because we feel as if we don't have much control over events, as we are exposed to disturbing content online and are unable to do many of the mundane things that ordered and organised our everyday lives in previous years.
These are regrettably conditions in which mental health problems can flourish. People are angry, scared, depressed, worried and dealing with the full range of complex, negative emotions. The general mood is re-enforced by watching how other people react to the situation and, often unwittingly, taking that as the indication of how we are expected or permitted to behave in a given situation. When we don't know what to do, we end up looking to each other for guidance and as basically all of us are in unfamiliar territory, we simply spread a sense of panic.
I'm not an expert on dealing with this kind of thing as no-one really is, but having dealt with depression for many years, here are a few things to remember that may make things a little easier dealing with complicated and difficult emotions you may have to wrestle with one day at a time.
You are not "going crazy". It is a really strange time and many of the behaviours we see in people that we once unthinkable and becoming common place. Our sense of right and wrong is being challenged. Our sense of reality is under assault and we don't have reliable sources of information on what is going on most days. For the most part, how we define "Normal" and "Sane" behaviour is often quite punitive, as we assume that anyone who is "abnormal" or "crazy" is necessarily threatening because their behaviour is unpredictable and difficult to control. Being blunt, you are not "going crazy" if you think there is something wrong. There is something wrong, and the paradox is- it's the people who believe everything is fine that are truly out of their minds because they put themselves and others in harms way by behaving as if those threats don't exist or can't hurt them. It's ok to react to a difficult situation. You are allowed to react and it is right to do so, especially when are don't know what is appropriate for you to do or not do under the circumstances.
You are not alone. We are social animals and we actually need each others company. We tend to feel safer in a crowd than doing things alone, or going against the current. We are all currently dealing with two major problems facing our relationships. The first is the need to socially distance and isolate ourselves from the corona-virus. When we would most like reassurance, when we would most feel safe being together, we have to be apart. The second thing is that, people are now so divided that we don't quite know what "everyone" else is thinking, doing or going to do. The comfort we would draw from the predictable patterns of others behaviour have broken down and now, sometimes, we are finding ourselves in confrontations with friends and family members of things we thought were self-evident and required no explanation. What you have to remember is that- all the people who are freaking you out right now are scared too because they feel vulnerable and they feel isolated as well. Small things that nobody would have cared about otherwise, suddenly become a source of comfort and stability in a world gone mad and we grab on to them like a life raft, hoping it will see us through. In the end, all we has is each other and that is all we ever need and ever needed.
Your problems are not unique and insolvable. We all have problems and we have to keep our heads above water ever day. Maybe it's finding a job, keeping on top of things at work, paying your bills, looking after your kids, whatever. Somehow we managed to do all those many things and still try to find time for ourselves before everything started looking so nuts. Now of course, we find ourselves talking about problems significantly greater in scale that anyone individual can handle or anything that can be solved in an hour or a day. The political turmoil, the social unrest, the pandemic, climate change- there's a lot of big scary stuff out there. But in large part this is not the first time in history things like this have happened, or the first country that might be facing uncertainty about it's future. The unfamiliar is scary, so it is helpful to recognise in it things you may already know or have already experienced, things from your past or from others experience you can draw upon. When we feel every problem is unique, we feel that it is unknown to us and we don't really have control. Sometimes, bad stuff happens, but it is usually not the first time any person in any country at any point in history has not had to deal with something like it before- even as intense as it may feel.
Emotions are not the enemy. We live in a culture where it remains very taboo to talk about your emotions, yet we also live in a time where everyone is feeling very emotional. This is not a good combination as it means you have a very large number of people dealing with difficult emotions without knowing how to. Being emotional is often closely equated with the idea of someone "losing control", being "unstable" or "weak". Actually, the reverse is often true. Someone who gets angry is trying to reassert control and defend their boundaries. Someone who is afraid, worried or panicked is trying to respond to a seemingly urgent problem. Someone who is depressed, sad and wants to cry is accepting feelings of loss and finding ways to adjust and internalise unwelcome news. There are exceptions, but they are basically confined to if you are in danger or hurting yourself and others. If that is how you feel- talk about it. Ask for help. Say you have a problem, because you can't begin to solve that problem by denying you feel about something in that way, and effectively, denying it is even a problem at all. Our emotions are a way of understanding the world and are trying to tell us something and it isn't wrong to respect yourself and pay attention to it. Emotions are not always 100% reliable, but they are often where we have to start wrestling with the world and all the things and people in it. denying how you feel doesn't make you strong- it makes you more likely to put yourself in harms way by ignoring the warning signs and initial feelings of unpleasantness and discomfort. Overall, it is far, far, far better to make a decision when you are calm and you have considered all the options and can be reasonable, but usually you are going to have to get passed all the emotions to reach a point where you are resolved to do something or not do something.
Say Something. Having been in counselling and therapy a few times, the basic premise is that talking about your problems helps you solve them. Sometimes that's in a more conscious, reasoned way, but is can also be admittedly something that's been bothering you or been lurking in the back of your mind for sometime. Talking about a problem, either to ourselves when we are alone, or with someone else, can break down psychological barriers that make us feel trapped inside ourselves or simply lighten the load by sharing it. Sometimes, you can get away with writing it out on a piece of paper or in a journal, as a place to store your more private thoughts (perhaps under lock and key). Whatever works for you, your brain can only take in so much and sometimes it just has to get it out.
Knowing When to Stop. This is always a hard one, but you can't know everything in the world and you can't control everything either. You are one person and there is only so much you can do. We get the mistaken idea that the secret to success is never giving up. But sometimes, you have to stop doing the things that are making the situation worse. You have to accept that you can't fix that problem, and the hardest one of all for me- you can't always get it right and you can't always help the people you care about most. Sometimes, you have to let go and accept that there are things beyond your control, without it necessarily being a threat to you or the people you care about.
Make Time for You. Shut the door on the world, turn off the TV and unplug from your phone, the internet or any electronic gadget you may have that is going to beep and compete for your attention. Don't let everyone else dictate what you are doing, what you are doing, how you are doing it. You need personal space and sometimes, you may get what you want done better on your own without other people getting on your nerves. You can be physically detached without being emotionally alone. Everyone is different though and we all find our own ways of coping, even if something may work a little better than others. The World doesn't end on schedule- you can always talk a moment to get your bearings, take a deep breath and make sure you are ok. Most problems are solved by putting one foot in front of another, taking it one day at a time and having a go. Sometimes you can be surprised how much you get done why you try.
And Try to laugh. Even if it is a really dark, sick, bad joke. It is hard to do when you are confronted by genuine horror as we may find ourselves these days. But you'll usually feel better laughing at a problem when all else fails. A problem won't be quite so bothersome or scary if you can laugh at it. So here is Alex Jones rants made in to an indie folk song to get you started...
For the record, chances are I haven't got this 100% right, but I figured I should have a go. You have to figure out what works for you. So I hope there are some useful things in here for you to think about or that you can use when feeling overwhelmed by problems, situations or news stories. Please share any ideas thoughts you have, anything you want to share or any advice you'd like to give to anyone else who may need it or find it useful.
These are regrettably conditions in which mental health problems can flourish. People are angry, scared, depressed, worried and dealing with the full range of complex, negative emotions. The general mood is re-enforced by watching how other people react to the situation and, often unwittingly, taking that as the indication of how we are expected or permitted to behave in a given situation. When we don't know what to do, we end up looking to each other for guidance and as basically all of us are in unfamiliar territory, we simply spread a sense of panic.
I'm not an expert on dealing with this kind of thing as no-one really is, but having dealt with depression for many years, here are a few things to remember that may make things a little easier dealing with complicated and difficult emotions you may have to wrestle with one day at a time.
***
You are not "going crazy". It is a really strange time and many of the behaviours we see in people that we once unthinkable and becoming common place. Our sense of right and wrong is being challenged. Our sense of reality is under assault and we don't have reliable sources of information on what is going on most days. For the most part, how we define "Normal" and "Sane" behaviour is often quite punitive, as we assume that anyone who is "abnormal" or "crazy" is necessarily threatening because their behaviour is unpredictable and difficult to control. Being blunt, you are not "going crazy" if you think there is something wrong. There is something wrong, and the paradox is- it's the people who believe everything is fine that are truly out of their minds because they put themselves and others in harms way by behaving as if those threats don't exist or can't hurt them. It's ok to react to a difficult situation. You are allowed to react and it is right to do so, especially when are don't know what is appropriate for you to do or not do under the circumstances.
You are not alone. We are social animals and we actually need each others company. We tend to feel safer in a crowd than doing things alone, or going against the current. We are all currently dealing with two major problems facing our relationships. The first is the need to socially distance and isolate ourselves from the corona-virus. When we would most like reassurance, when we would most feel safe being together, we have to be apart. The second thing is that, people are now so divided that we don't quite know what "everyone" else is thinking, doing or going to do. The comfort we would draw from the predictable patterns of others behaviour have broken down and now, sometimes, we are finding ourselves in confrontations with friends and family members of things we thought were self-evident and required no explanation. What you have to remember is that- all the people who are freaking you out right now are scared too because they feel vulnerable and they feel isolated as well. Small things that nobody would have cared about otherwise, suddenly become a source of comfort and stability in a world gone mad and we grab on to them like a life raft, hoping it will see us through. In the end, all we has is each other and that is all we ever need and ever needed.
Your problems are not unique and insolvable. We all have problems and we have to keep our heads above water ever day. Maybe it's finding a job, keeping on top of things at work, paying your bills, looking after your kids, whatever. Somehow we managed to do all those many things and still try to find time for ourselves before everything started looking so nuts. Now of course, we find ourselves talking about problems significantly greater in scale that anyone individual can handle or anything that can be solved in an hour or a day. The political turmoil, the social unrest, the pandemic, climate change- there's a lot of big scary stuff out there. But in large part this is not the first time in history things like this have happened, or the first country that might be facing uncertainty about it's future. The unfamiliar is scary, so it is helpful to recognise in it things you may already know or have already experienced, things from your past or from others experience you can draw upon. When we feel every problem is unique, we feel that it is unknown to us and we don't really have control. Sometimes, bad stuff happens, but it is usually not the first time any person in any country at any point in history has not had to deal with something like it before- even as intense as it may feel.
Emotions are not the enemy. We live in a culture where it remains very taboo to talk about your emotions, yet we also live in a time where everyone is feeling very emotional. This is not a good combination as it means you have a very large number of people dealing with difficult emotions without knowing how to. Being emotional is often closely equated with the idea of someone "losing control", being "unstable" or "weak". Actually, the reverse is often true. Someone who gets angry is trying to reassert control and defend their boundaries. Someone who is afraid, worried or panicked is trying to respond to a seemingly urgent problem. Someone who is depressed, sad and wants to cry is accepting feelings of loss and finding ways to adjust and internalise unwelcome news. There are exceptions, but they are basically confined to if you are in danger or hurting yourself and others. If that is how you feel- talk about it. Ask for help. Say you have a problem, because you can't begin to solve that problem by denying you feel about something in that way, and effectively, denying it is even a problem at all. Our emotions are a way of understanding the world and are trying to tell us something and it isn't wrong to respect yourself and pay attention to it. Emotions are not always 100% reliable, but they are often where we have to start wrestling with the world and all the things and people in it. denying how you feel doesn't make you strong- it makes you more likely to put yourself in harms way by ignoring the warning signs and initial feelings of unpleasantness and discomfort. Overall, it is far, far, far better to make a decision when you are calm and you have considered all the options and can be reasonable, but usually you are going to have to get passed all the emotions to reach a point where you are resolved to do something or not do something.
Say Something. Having been in counselling and therapy a few times, the basic premise is that talking about your problems helps you solve them. Sometimes that's in a more conscious, reasoned way, but is can also be admittedly something that's been bothering you or been lurking in the back of your mind for sometime. Talking about a problem, either to ourselves when we are alone, or with someone else, can break down psychological barriers that make us feel trapped inside ourselves or simply lighten the load by sharing it. Sometimes, you can get away with writing it out on a piece of paper or in a journal, as a place to store your more private thoughts (perhaps under lock and key). Whatever works for you, your brain can only take in so much and sometimes it just has to get it out.
Knowing When to Stop. This is always a hard one, but you can't know everything in the world and you can't control everything either. You are one person and there is only so much you can do. We get the mistaken idea that the secret to success is never giving up. But sometimes, you have to stop doing the things that are making the situation worse. You have to accept that you can't fix that problem, and the hardest one of all for me- you can't always get it right and you can't always help the people you care about most. Sometimes, you have to let go and accept that there are things beyond your control, without it necessarily being a threat to you or the people you care about.
Make Time for You. Shut the door on the world, turn off the TV and unplug from your phone, the internet or any electronic gadget you may have that is going to beep and compete for your attention. Don't let everyone else dictate what you are doing, what you are doing, how you are doing it. You need personal space and sometimes, you may get what you want done better on your own without other people getting on your nerves. You can be physically detached without being emotionally alone. Everyone is different though and we all find our own ways of coping, even if something may work a little better than others. The World doesn't end on schedule- you can always talk a moment to get your bearings, take a deep breath and make sure you are ok. Most problems are solved by putting one foot in front of another, taking it one day at a time and having a go. Sometimes you can be surprised how much you get done why you try.
And Try to laugh. Even if it is a really dark, sick, bad joke. It is hard to do when you are confronted by genuine horror as we may find ourselves these days. But you'll usually feel better laughing at a problem when all else fails. A problem won't be quite so bothersome or scary if you can laugh at it. So here is Alex Jones rants made in to an indie folk song to get you started...
For the record, chances are I haven't got this 100% right, but I figured I should have a go. You have to figure out what works for you. So I hope there are some useful things in here for you to think about or that you can use when feeling overwhelmed by problems, situations or news stories. Please share any ideas thoughts you have, anything you want to share or any advice you'd like to give to anyone else who may need it or find it useful.
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