Sexual self-pleasure ~ a dead end street

[Valjean]

Exactly. There really is no comparison between selfish pleasure and real love.

So why are you comparing them?
It's pleasant to eat chocolate, to play tennis or a video game, to masturbate, to ride a bike, to listen to music. None of these has anything to do with love, but that doesn't diminish the pleasure they give.

Of course you can, but what truly satisfies a person? What makes one feel better about ones self?

Is the goal of sex to make you feel better about yourself?
Why do you dismiss casual pleasure as worthless?

 

[Cooky]

Why are you assuming that everyone is satisfied from sexual intercourse? I'm assuming you mean penis in vagina penetration. That's a very cishet male viewpoint. If I didn't masturbate, I'd never have an orgasm and that includes from penetrative sex. I have to do it myself or it won't happen. So your advice is garbage to me and to many others. Worry about yourself and stop generalizing.

Same with my wife.

 

[Valjean]

Why not? Everyone deserves a partner if they want one.

But in most places hiring one is illegal...

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

So why are you comparing them?
It's pleasant to eat chocolate, to play tennis or a video game, to masturbate, to ride a bike, to listen to music. None of these has anything to do with love, but that doesn't diminish the pleasure they give.
Is the goal of sex to make you feel better about yourself?
Why do you dismiss casual pleasure as worthless?

Self-love is a form of love. Masturbation, ideally, is a form of loving your body and being comfortable with it. It teaches you about yourself and what you like.

 

[Cooky]

When you guys rationalize everything like this, all it does is confuse me.

 

[ADigitalArtist]

When you guys rationalize everything like this, all it does is confuse me.

Why is it confusing?

 

[Cooky]

Why is it confusing?

Just because I'm trying to turn my life around, and be a better person. But everyone seems to be okay with what I'm trying to get away from.

 

[Polymath257]

When you guys rationalize everything like this, all it does is confuse me.

Well, we may have different beliefs and values than you do. If you ask, perhaps we can clarify what we believe and why we believe it. Maybe that will inspire you to think more deeply about your own beliefs.

But, of course, you may well decide you disagree with us. If so, you will then know yourself and others a bit better.

 

[ADigitalArtist]

Just because I'm trying to turn my life around, and be a better person. But everyone seems to be okay with what I'm trying to get away from.

There's the rub, everyone's idea of what makes a better person is different. I don't think masturbating makes you a worse person, necessarily. Not unless you're taking it to some sort of extreme where you are hurting other people. If you think masturbating is hurting your wife, or yourself, maybe it's time to have an honest sit down discussion *with her*. There's little that good communication can't help with.
Just understand that what works for your relationship won't work with everyone elses.

 

[Liu]

Just because I'm trying to turn my life around, and be a better person. But everyone seems to be okay with what I'm trying to get away from.

You may want to think about why you want to get away from it.
If what people write here confuses you because you then question your reasons, then your reasons may not be that good.

As I wrote above, I also try to get away from masturbation, at least for a while, but we seem to have different reasons.

 

[Cooky]

I think I'm sexually confused.

 

[Polymath257]

Just because I'm trying to turn my life around, and be a better person. But everyone seems to be okay with what I'm trying to get away from.

The most obvious question is why you think that these things are the part you need to get away from. And they may be; we can't make your decisions for you. But understanding why people are OK with these things may help you to understand yourself deeper.

 

[Polymath257]

I think I'm sexually confused.

Perhaps. And that calls for a lot of introspection as well as asking a lot of questions of others.

Good luck!

 

[Polymath257]

Same with my wife.

Does that bother you? is this the source of your confusion?

 

[Cooky]

Does that bother you? is this the source of your confusion?

My wife hasn't had sex with me for almost 2 years now. And I'm tired and lonely.

I used to use substances, so I had some strange thoughts and inclinations in the past. Now she sleeps in another room permanently. I'm "gross".

 

[Cooky]

...But I'm not an ugly man.

 

[Cooky]

...Maybe just a scary man. Maybe I need marriage counseling. Ugh.

22 years of marriage, and 4 kids, and all of a sudden, I'm a disgusting human being.

 

[ADigitalArtist]

My wife hasn't had sex with me for almost 2 years now. And I'm tired and lonely.

I used to use substances, so I had some strange thoughts and inclinations in the past. Now she sleeps in another room permanently. I'm "gross".

Sounds like something maybe you guys should seek a mediator about. Doesn't sound like a situation where helpful communication is or perhaps even could be happening.

 

[Cooky]

Sounds like something maybe you guys should seek a mediator about. Doesn't sound like a situation where helpful communication is or perhaps even could be happening.

I live a much more complicated life than anyone might imagine.

 

[Cooky]

But I went to Church yesterday!