Sexual Lust

[Trackdayguy]

Just finished reading a draft of a great new book soon to be released called "The Lie Of Every Man's Battle"

The book is written by Martin Zender and confronts head on from a Biblical basis why a book called "Every Man's Battle" written by co Authors Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoeker paints a destructive and harmful picture of male sexuality that potentially destroys marriages and creates self loathing, shame, guilt in the male and self loathing & jealousy in the female.

In a nutshell Zender suggests from a Biblical position that God placed sexual desire in us and looking at the opposite sex is normal, natural & healthy. He suggests that Religion has shamed people's sexuality.

It's an easy read and if you'd like a copy you can PM your email and I'll send you a copy. I am getting nothing from this other than passing on some very liberating information. This book should be read by every man and women.

 

[Sunstone]

From what I've seen, male sexuality is a bit trickier than some folks suppose.

At puberty, you get hit with the Big T -- at the very least, you then have flowing through your blood twenty times the testosterone of a woman. That makes it hard for a whole lot of young men to view women as persons first and foremost (rather than as sex objects first and foremost), and to be considerate lovers.

Which perhaps is why large numbers of women in their late twenties and early thirties respond to polls and interviews by stating that they are more or less fed up with men as sex partners, and even express bitterness towards men for their selfish lack of consideration for their partner's desires and needs in bed. Last I saw, the number of very upset women in that age range in America was nearly half the female population, according to polling.

But sooner or later, I think most men figure out how to manage their testosterone and even use it to their advantage. On the whole, men tend to become much more considerate lovers as they age, in my opinion.

How does that tie into the "Every Man's Battle" view of sex? It seems to me the attempt to control male sexuality through shaming and the condemnation of it is hugely misguided. We should be teaching young men how to handle and live with their sexuality, not how to deny it.

 

[Estro Felino]

The book is written by Martin Zender and confronts head on from a Biblical basis why a book called "Every Man's Battle" written by co Authors Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoeker paints a destructive and harmful picture of male sexuality that potentially destroys marriages and creates self loathing, shame, guilt in the male and self loathing & jealousy in the female..

Very interesting...but this idea that there is some destructive male toxicity has become really annoying.

 

[Axe Elf]

People get lust and attraction confused, too. Just because you think some chick is a hottie-boom-bottie doesn't mean you lust after her. Lust implies that you WOULD have sex with her if you COULD. There are a lot of women I find attractive and may even have sexual fantasies about--but I know that if I would never proposition them, and that if they ever propositioned me I would politely decline--so I don't think I'm lusting after them. This goes for porn, too.

It's kind of the same difference between admiring your neighbor's car, and coveting it. You can think it's a cool car and it would be fun to drive, maybe even imagine taking it for a spin, and yet not be compelled to make it your own.

 

[Estro Felino]

It's kind of the same difference between admiring your neighbor's car, and coveting it. You can think it's a cool car and it would be fun to drive, maybe even imagine taking it for a spin, and yet not be compelled to make it your own.

wow...romance at its best

 

[Trackdayguy]

From what I've seen, male sexuality is a bit trickier than some folks suppose.

At puberty, you get hit with the Big T -- at the very least, you then have flowing through your blood twenty times the testosterone of a woman. That makes it hard for a whole lot of young men to view women as persons first and foremost (rather than as sex objects first and foremost), and to be considerate lovers.

Which perhaps is why large numbers of women in their late twenties and early thirties respond to polls and interviews by stating that they are more or less fed up with men as sex partners, and even express bitterness towards men for their selfish lack of consideration for their partner's desires and needs in bed. Last I saw, the number of very upset women in that age range in America was nearly half the female population.

But sooner or later, I think most men figure out how to manage their testosterone and even use it to their advantage. On the whole, men tend to become much more considerate lovers as they age, in my opinion.

How does that tie into the "Every Man's Battle" view of sex? It seems to me the attempt to control male sexuality through shaming and the condemnation of it is hugely misguided. We should be teaching young men how to handle and live with their sexuality, not how to deny it.

100% agree. I'm sure it comes as no surprise to most people that religion on the whole has done a great job of shaming people. "Every Man's Battle" is a destructive book as it suggests that looking at the opposite sex is sin and separates the person from God and his wife. Zender states that nothing could be more natural and that a lot of the problem lies with wives who fail to understand how God has made men and their own self worth and body image issues. I know this statement is likely to be inflammatory for some women, that isn't the intention. NO OFFENCE INTENDED.

Zender states that there is no sin in looking at another women unless you have a strategy to steel her away from her partner and get her in bed, compared with the sin of jealousy in the women. (adultery is only an issue for those who are married) God has placed sexual desire in us, marriage has to do with the society structures of the day and has little to do with how we are made. Zender isn't seeking to associate blame to anyone, he is trying to help folks understand how mush damage has been done by religion and how much more we need to learn about how we are made.

 

[Trackdayguy]

Very interesting...but this idea that there is some destructive male toxicity has become really annoying.

Please explain

 

[Estro Felino]

Please explain

May I kindly ask you to answer this question, first...since you're a professional?

What is romance to you? How would you define it?

 

[Trackdayguy]

May I kindly ask you to answer this question, first...since you're a professional?

What is romance to you? How would you define it?

Romance is an emotional feeling of love for, or a strong attraction towards, another person, and the courtship behaviors undertaken by an individual to express those overall feelings and resultant emotions.

It has nothing to do with marriage, which is social unlike romance and sexual attraction which is genetic

 

[Axe Elf]

wow...romance at its best

 

[David T]

From what I've seen, male sexuality is a bit trickier than some folks suppose.

At puberty, you get hit with the Big T -- at the very least, you then have flowing through your blood twenty times the testosterone of a woman. That makes it hard for a whole lot of young men to view women as persons first and foremost (rather than as sex objects first and foremost), and to be considerate lovers.

Which perhaps is why large numbers of women in their late twenties and early thirties respond to polls and interviews by stating that they are more or less fed up with men as sex partners, and even express bitterness towards men for their selfish lack of consideration for their partner's desires and needs in bed. Last I saw, the number of very upset women in that age range in America was nearly half the female population, according to polling.

But sooner or later, I think most men figure out how to manage their testosterone and even use it to their advantage. On the whole, men tend to become much more considerate lovers as they age, in my opinion.

How does that tie into the "Every Man's Battle" view of sex? It seems to me the attempt to control male sexuality through shaming and the condemnation of it is hugely misguided. We should be teaching young men how to handle and live with their sexuality, not how to deny it.

"On the whole, men tend to become much more considerate lovers as they age, in my opinion".

I have no first hand experience so i am glad you shared that. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

My experience has generally been" my husbands is much larger than yours but wow you know what you are doing"..

Holding hands and talking nicely works.

 

[Skwim]

Just finished reading a draft of a great new book soon to be released called "The Lie Of Every Man's Battle"

The book is written by Martin Zender and confronts head on from a Biblical basis why a book called "Every Man's Battle" written by co Authors Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoeker paints a destructive and harmful picture of male sexuality that potentially destroys marriages and creates self loathing, shame, guilt in the male and self loathing & jealousy in the female.

In a nutshell Zender suggests from a Biblical position that God placed sexual desire in us and looking at the opposite sex is normal, natural & healthy. He suggests that Religion has shamed people's sexuality.

SEX! SEX! SEX! Is that all Christian fundies think about? Honestly, I think they're closet sex junkies who, having taken vows, or whatever, not to think about sex, get their jollies by decrying it. Personally, I think they all lock their bathroom doors for a very good reason, which has nothing to do with pooping or peeing.


.

 

[Trackdayguy]

SEX! SEX! SEX! Is that all Christian fundies think about? Honestly, I think they're closet sex junkies who, having taken vows, or whatever, not to think about sex, get their jollies by decrying it. Personally, I think they all lock their bathroom doors for a very good reason, which has nothing to do with pooping or peeing.



.

In answer to your question I imagine it depends on who you ask. In my experience most christian fundies as you call them, have huge sexual hang ups. It seems to me that most of the men and bound with sexual guilt and the majority of the women have huge body image issues and are masterers at shaming their husbands for looking at other women, which is bizarre considering that God created sexual desire and the female body.

Long live Polyamory.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

From what I've seen, male sexuality is a bit trickier than some folks suppose.

At puberty, you get hit with the Big T -- at the very least, you then have flowing through your blood twenty times the testosterone of a woman. That makes it hard for a whole lot of young men to view women as persons first and foremost (rather than as sex objects first and foremost), and to be considerate lovers.

Which perhaps is why large numbers of women in their late twenties and early thirties respond to polls and interviews by stating that they are more or less fed up with men as sex partners, and even express bitterness towards men for their selfish lack of consideration for their partner's desires and needs in bed. Last I saw, the number of very upset women in that age range in America was nearly half the female population, according to polling.

But sooner or later, I think most men figure out how to manage their testosterone and even use it to their advantage. On the whole, men tend to become much more considerate lovers as they age, in my opinion.

How does that tie into the "Every Man's Battle" view of sex? It seems to me the attempt to control male sexuality through shaming and the condemnation of it is hugely misguided. We should be teaching young men how to handle and live with their sexuality, not how to deny it.

I think a lot of that is socialization. I'm a trans man who came out in my teens so I was socialized as a girl and I didn't treat women (or men, since I'm bi) as objects or be so selfish as a sexual partner. Actually, it's usually the other way around with my sexual partners. Even the cis woman I was with used me and treated me like I was a hooker there to service her needs. They always ended up satisfied but I usually don't. I've always had a male sexuality and high sex drive even before starting testosterone, as well. There's actually only one person I've been pushy with (maybe two, looking back) but she puts me in my place. I'm not the one in charge in that relationship.

So I think some of it might be biology but a lot is how we raise boys. We don't expect them to be gentlemen and respectful. We clap them on the back for being "studs" and think male virgins are "losers". That's something we can definitely work on.