Keevelish writes,
Sunstone-if a wife is included in your idea of a partner then I don't think that one of your questions is necessary- I always ask my partner for permission to see family or friends, to spend money, or buy something for myself.
A wife SHOULD ask this of her husband- he is the head of the household. Besides, this is teamwork now, and no one should be buying stuff without asking about adequate funds.
(1) The question should be answered, along with the others. If half the questions are answered yes, then abuse is present. An answer of yes to any single question does not necessarily indicate abuse. Its the overall score thats important.
(2) Im aware that some Christian denominations teach the husband is the head of the household and that the wife is completely subservient to him. Im wildly willing to believe that arrangement might work for some couples without the husband taking advantage of those teachings to abuse his wife. There are, after all, some good men who would never willingly take advantage of their spouses, even if their spouses were perfectly subservient to them. But it seems to me those teachings are bound in many instances to aide and abet abuse. That is, they are a set up for abuse. And if abuse doesnt happen anyway, then that says more about the good character of the people involved in the relationship than it does about the wisdom of the teachings themselves.
Tumble Weed writes,
I think they have missed the point, the whole campaign is about women not being treated fairly. But what about men who are abused...does it not matter, is it irrelevant...or are men evil and are the ones who do all the abusing. The whole campaign does it's best to emphasise [sic] how men abuse women...
(1) Abuse knows no gender bounds. There are men who abuse women, women who abuse men, men who abuse other men, and women who abuse other women. No abuse is irrelevant. All abuse matters. The costs of abuse are devastating regardless of who is doing the abusing and who is being abused.
(A very good way to become abused, Tumble Weed, is to go find someone who says, I cannot be an abuser because I am a woman, and women do not abuse men, only men abuse women. Then get into a relationship with that person. I predict that if you do that, then the chances are good you will learn the hard way more about abuse than you ever wanted to learn!)
(2) Its unfortunate that an ad campaign designed to lessen abuse can give the false impression that abuse is only something men do to women. Possibly, a decision was made by the people who launched the campaign to tackle the issue of men abusing women first because that is the most visible kind of abuse (compared to say women abusing men). It might also be the predominant kind of abuse. But the real issue is not whether one gender abuses another more than the other gender. That is a trivial issue. The real issues are whether abuse is occurring and to stop it.
