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Sex-repulsion,Self-harm and Pornography.

Discussion in 'Sexuality' started by RayofLight, Jan 18, 2019.

  1. RayofLight

    RayofLight They/Them

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    Well before I start let me lay out the ground-work. For those of you who do not know, asexuality is where someone does not feel sexual attraction to anyone regardless of gender or anything else. Yes, there is also a biology definition, just like there a biology definition for bisexuals but that's not what we are talking about here. Ace is short for asexual. There are about, according to some statistics,through none are certain, 1 to 7 % of the population may be asexual. There are 3 different categories asexuals use to describe themselves: Sex-repulsed/sex-adversed/sex-negative, sex-positive, and sex indifferent/ sex-neutral. Most asexuals are a mix of 2 or all three of these. For example if anyone were to ask me I would tell them I'm a sex-repulsed asexual. But it's only the thought of having sex, visuals and some written descriptions of sex that gross me out. Aside for that I'm indifferent. In fact I read Alfred Kinsey books on Sexual Behavior of the Human Male" and Sexual Behavior of the Human Female" and only being mildly uncomfortable, more intrigued then anything else. However human sexuality is very diverse especially in asexuals and no two asexuals are alike in this matter.Now that the groundwork has been laid let me get to what I wanted to write about. I've have been an active member of the forums on AVEN, for over a year. I've notice a large and rather alarming amount of people who are asexual have some form of mental illness(probably due to having an orientation that people deem as non-existing) and quite a few self-harm. I want to talk about a particular form of self-harm that isn't really common inside or outside of the asexual community...The use of sex to self-harm. Sex-repulsion can range from mild to severe and most sex-repulse individuals do not use this to self-harm but a few do. Most who do use it to self harm do so by watching porn not by actually having sex with someone. I used to do this. No I did not have sex with anyone but I would watch porn in order to harm myself. Why did I do this? I'll tell you why. The short answer is I hated myself. I fell into a dark place. I wanted to suffer I wanted to cause myself harm. Felt I deserved it. That I didn't deserve to live But I did not want to cut or burn least I would get in trouble and people will ask questions. So I would watch porn to self-harm. There were times I would even be vomiting into a trashcan. I became addicted to the pain I was causing myself. I ended up having a therapist help me to stop. I eventually did stop for a while and backslided a few times. I haven't self-harmed in 2 weeks and before that I didn't harm myself for 2 months. I'm proud of myself for that. I wonder if this form of self-harm will be more common in the future once the ace community gains more awareness and more people identify as such and are discriminated against. Perhaps this post might help someone, inform a few people,or someone might find it interesting. Perhaps a sexologist will read this and decide to do a study/ survey of this issue. Who knows? I just wanted to talk about sex-repulsion and bring some more awareness to it
     
    #1 RayofLight, Jan 18, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2019
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  2. Spiderman

    Spiderman Veteran Member

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    Great thread. I agree that pornography can be very harmful and create sexual addiction and perversion.

    I'm constantly harming myself through drug addiction and embarrassing behaviors around people like when I held up a sign in front of traffic that said I'm mentally retarded could you spare some change.

    I like to make people laugh at me.
     
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  3. oldbadger

    oldbadger Skanky Old Mongrel!

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    @Ray Warren ........ Hi :)
    I was interested to read your OP and learned much about asexuality from it....... thanks.

    A long time ago (70's-80's) I knew some asexual men..
    Two of them were avid gamblers, another was an adrenaline seeker, yet another was totally focused upon running.

    And so, may I ask...... are you particularly focused upon or crazy about some particular activity or other?

    Thankyou......
     
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  4. Mindmaster

    Mindmaster Well-Known Member
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    Honestly, you're not the only one. Probably, when I was younger I thought sex was pretty gross. It is messy, so you either get over it or you don't. I'm still not down with the mess of it, personally. If I'm not with the right person (though I am, married 22 years) it's not important enough to me to deal with the inconvenience. I was never very promiscuous for that reason, someone had to be fantastic for me to get past that. Though, it was certainly for no shortage of offers. I could have been with any female I wanted out of my social circle, but that's not me. :D

    Anyway, I don't look at asexual behavior as a sexual preference - it's more like you're not interested. Though, some people I've known to claim this are either socially awkward, unable to attract mates, and whatnot and use this to deflect from their own short-comings. Hopefully, that's not you. :D If that's a problem though, it's something that can be fixed with therapy and a little elbow grease -- not a permanent affliction.
     
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  5. RayofLight

    RayofLight They/Them

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    Researching Quakerism. It's an autistic obsession of mine.
     
  6. sun rise

    sun rise "This is the Hour of God"
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    I've known a number of people who have wanted to harm themselves at some point in their lives. Reading your story taught me that my prior knowledge of cutting oneself, for example, is not the only way the emotion turned inwards manifests in action.

    I also know some who are naturally celibate. They have no interest in sex. To me that's perfectly normal for many assuming no other motivation. Sex is powerful energy and it manifests in so many different ways including healthy and unhealthy ways.

    In my time in the computer world, I've known a number who were on the autism spectrum and thus laser focused on one thing or another. Of course, it can get in the way sometimes. But most of those I knew were fortunate in finding work in a field which rewarded their obsession compared to the unfocused and sloppy. It depended of course somewhat on self-awareness and the skill of the manager in supporting and helping the employee.
     
  7. RayofLight

    RayofLight They/Them

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    True sex can be both healthy and unhealthy.

    I'm hoping to become a religious studies professor
     
  8. Skwim

    Skwim Veteran Member

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    My sympathy for your plight.

    Question: why do you sometimes you hate yourself? Does it bother you that your god made you asexual rather than leave you with more normal sexual feelings and desires?

    Regarding the link concerning discrimination; what I found surprising is the negativity some people have toward asexuals, even forming a greater bias against them than against homosexuals and bisexuals.


    Hang in there. :thumbsup:



    --Cool websites by the way-- Thanks for sharing.

    .
     
  9. RayofLight

    RayofLight They/Them

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    I'm not exactly sure how to answer that first question. Is it ok if I think on it and get back to you? As for the second question... honestly sometimes I wonder what it would be like not to be asexual. To have normal feelings and desires regarding that. If I wasn't sex-repulsed I wouldn't have chosen the form of self-harm that I did. And people being against asexuals… But I would not change it. It's part of me you know? The link...it is crazy. Here is a very upsetting thread you might want to burn. Not an opinion just from that church... I've had some crazy words thrown at me. One guy suggested if I was raped then I wouldn't be asexual anymore.Apparently it would result in some sort of sexual awakening...I chose never to be in a room alone with them after that. But most people don't really hate asexuals not most of the ones I've met at least. They just think they don't exist or have something fundamentally wrong with them.
     
  10. Skwim

    Skwim Veteran Member

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    Absolutely.

    Ah, your burn, the Landover Baptist Church, is the website of a parody fundamentalist Baptist church. The church lampoons fundamentalist, Independent Baptist churches and Biblical literalism, and originated as a satire of Liberty University. Here's more information on it.

    .
     
  11. RayofLight

    RayofLight They/Them

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    I did not know that thanks.
     
  12. RayofLight

    RayofLight They/Them

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    i'll be leaving it up however as the site does show the views of some churches I've been in...I just had google asexuality and religion one day and came acrossed it not knowing it was a parody
     
  13. RayofLight

    RayofLight They/Them

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    I will add most churches I know don't see asexuality as a sin
     
  14. Skwim

    Skwim Veteran Member

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    Just as an FYI. Instead of making a new post for additional comments you can use the EDIT function in the lower left corner to add to that post.

    .
     
  15. oldbadger

    oldbadger Skanky Old Mongrel!

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    You must run a thread about Quakerism.
    Quakers seem to be so friendly and generous here (Canterbury, England) and they even lend their Meeting House to other cultures and religions.

    :)
     
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  16. sun rise

    sun rise "This is the Hour of God"
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    That's to me a rapidly changing area of study. The growth of "nones" and "spiritual but not religious", the dying off of various Christian churches in the global north, the growth of fanatics in various religions, the growth of non-traditional views about religion and God/gods and so forth could keep you busy for a lifetime!

    One thing I'd note: the problem of translation. Muslims assert that the Quran can't be accurately translated. I agree with them having read wildly different versions of some passages depending on the translator. And beyond that, translating poetry has that same issue - the translated version can be more about the translator than the original source.

    Good luck!
     
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  17. RayofLight

    RayofLight They/Them

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    Oh I know.Sometimes through I prefer not to for some reason.
     
  18. RayofLight

    RayofLight They/Them

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    I know so it'll be fun.
     
  19. Ellen Brown

    Ellen Brown Well-Known Member
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    I'm not able to talk on this subject at this depth, but do have the utmost compassion for those dealing with it.
     
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  20. RayofLight

    RayofLight They/Them

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    I might. Through because my family always condemned me for being autistic and having autistic obsessions I have a problem talking bout them sometimes working on that through.
     
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