ReligionNomore665
What is Religion Anymore?
Hello. I just recently joined because I am hoping to seek some answers about my "religious" issue. I was unsure of where to post, but this discussion thread seemed best fit.
I was born and raised a baptist. For as long as I could remember when I was a little girl, I loved everything about church and talk about Jesus. I prayed everynight before going to sleep and I felt okay with God. Though, when I grew up and exited my "little girl" stage and I met this girl who I thought was quite interesting.
At first, I didn't understand why she wore skirts all the time and she explained to me that she was pentecostal. I became great friends with her and began going to church with her as well. This was new to me, because I had no idea how pentecostal people worshipped. Though, once I was inside the church and the preacher began speaking, I became overwhelmed with some type of fear. I remember when my sister joined me once at my friend's church and the people began to "shake" and talk in another language that I did not understand. My sister and I were scared to death and so uncomfortable in that enviorment. She and I pressed ourselves against the wall, very anxious to leave. Ever since that day, I never again stepped foot into my friend's church.
Since that incident, I began questioning everything about religion. I even stopped going to church all together. Though, another friend of mine convinced me to go with her to hers, and I thought all was okay again, because it was a baptist type church. One I thought I was used to. Once I arrived, I stood outside the church and began shaking. I did not want to go inside. I grew extremely nervous and had the urge to turn back and go home. My friend came out and got me and took me inside. I began getting used to that church and began liking it. One day, I even asked the youth leader to "save" me. Thinking that would work, I went through with it and felt quite proud of myself. I also explained to the youth leader about how I was scared to enter the church and she told me that it was the devil letting me know that he did not want me to go. Though something happened a few weeks later that is still confusing to me this day. I never returned to that church. Never again.
A lot has happened since then. I have never entered a church since then and I refuse to enter one. The thought of it terrifies me. My body shakes upon the thought of ever going into one. I also become very uncomfortable when people around me are talking about God or Jesus. I feel so uncomfortable that I want to leave the room.
Another incident, I joined my mother and her boyfriend whie they went to her boyfriend's grandfather's house on Christmas. I learned that his grandfather is a preacher, and the thought of that made my stomach turn. I entered the house and everywhere I looked, I saw crosses, pictures of Jesus, bibles, etc. I suddenly became very uncomfortable. Towards the end of the get together, before everyone left, his grandfather (the preacher) asked everyone to bow their heads and he began to pray. Though, my head remained upwards. I looked around the room, my eyes as wide as they could get as I examined everyone as they listened to the preacher. I became very uncomfortable within that instant and wanted to leave the house. When they said their "Amens" I remained silent with no response. I did not say Amen, and did not want to.
A similar incident happened recently while I was at school during lunch. A friend of mine decided he wanted to do something he hadn't done in a very long time. He asked my other friends and myself if we would join him in prayer before we ate. My friends agreed, but I did not. My best friend tried to grab my hand and I immediately snatched my hand away and crossed my arms. I told them over and over that I didn't feel comfortable doing that. They begged and begged me to join them in prayer and I completely refused.
I also, sit here thinking now, about the day of my Senior Breakfast coming up soon. The location is inside of a church and the thought of entering a church again sends chills up and down my spine. I had a conversation about it with my boyfriend and while doing so, my body shook so badly that I looked like I was shaking from being cold, but I was not. I was shaking with fear. I don't understand why I behave in this manner, and I do not know what happened in order to cause me to be scared of church and people talking about Jesus and God. Nothing really scared me to the point of hiding and crying forever, but the thought of entering a church and hearing prayers and talk about the Lord makes me want to cry because of how scared I am. I almost bursted into fearful tears while talking to my boyfriend about it. I do not know what to do. I am completely terrified.
Though, the weird thing is, when the talk of the Devil gets brought up, I'm no longer scared. I feel okay. I believe it's quite weird, because I never acted in that manner when I was a little girl.
Please, I'm looking for help and seeking answers, but I'm afraid to talk to those around me because I'm terrified that they might throw the Lord in my face. I'm asking for some answers, please.
I was born and raised a baptist. For as long as I could remember when I was a little girl, I loved everything about church and talk about Jesus. I prayed everynight before going to sleep and I felt okay with God. Though, when I grew up and exited my "little girl" stage and I met this girl who I thought was quite interesting.
At first, I didn't understand why she wore skirts all the time and she explained to me that she was pentecostal. I became great friends with her and began going to church with her as well. This was new to me, because I had no idea how pentecostal people worshipped. Though, once I was inside the church and the preacher began speaking, I became overwhelmed with some type of fear. I remember when my sister joined me once at my friend's church and the people began to "shake" and talk in another language that I did not understand. My sister and I were scared to death and so uncomfortable in that enviorment. She and I pressed ourselves against the wall, very anxious to leave. Ever since that day, I never again stepped foot into my friend's church.
Since that incident, I began questioning everything about religion. I even stopped going to church all together. Though, another friend of mine convinced me to go with her to hers, and I thought all was okay again, because it was a baptist type church. One I thought I was used to. Once I arrived, I stood outside the church and began shaking. I did not want to go inside. I grew extremely nervous and had the urge to turn back and go home. My friend came out and got me and took me inside. I began getting used to that church and began liking it. One day, I even asked the youth leader to "save" me. Thinking that would work, I went through with it and felt quite proud of myself. I also explained to the youth leader about how I was scared to enter the church and she told me that it was the devil letting me know that he did not want me to go. Though something happened a few weeks later that is still confusing to me this day. I never returned to that church. Never again.
A lot has happened since then. I have never entered a church since then and I refuse to enter one. The thought of it terrifies me. My body shakes upon the thought of ever going into one. I also become very uncomfortable when people around me are talking about God or Jesus. I feel so uncomfortable that I want to leave the room.
Another incident, I joined my mother and her boyfriend whie they went to her boyfriend's grandfather's house on Christmas. I learned that his grandfather is a preacher, and the thought of that made my stomach turn. I entered the house and everywhere I looked, I saw crosses, pictures of Jesus, bibles, etc. I suddenly became very uncomfortable. Towards the end of the get together, before everyone left, his grandfather (the preacher) asked everyone to bow their heads and he began to pray. Though, my head remained upwards. I looked around the room, my eyes as wide as they could get as I examined everyone as they listened to the preacher. I became very uncomfortable within that instant and wanted to leave the house. When they said their "Amens" I remained silent with no response. I did not say Amen, and did not want to.
A similar incident happened recently while I was at school during lunch. A friend of mine decided he wanted to do something he hadn't done in a very long time. He asked my other friends and myself if we would join him in prayer before we ate. My friends agreed, but I did not. My best friend tried to grab my hand and I immediately snatched my hand away and crossed my arms. I told them over and over that I didn't feel comfortable doing that. They begged and begged me to join them in prayer and I completely refused.
I also, sit here thinking now, about the day of my Senior Breakfast coming up soon. The location is inside of a church and the thought of entering a church again sends chills up and down my spine. I had a conversation about it with my boyfriend and while doing so, my body shook so badly that I looked like I was shaking from being cold, but I was not. I was shaking with fear. I don't understand why I behave in this manner, and I do not know what happened in order to cause me to be scared of church and people talking about Jesus and God. Nothing really scared me to the point of hiding and crying forever, but the thought of entering a church and hearing prayers and talk about the Lord makes me want to cry because of how scared I am. I almost bursted into fearful tears while talking to my boyfriend about it. I do not know what to do. I am completely terrified.
Though, the weird thing is, when the talk of the Devil gets brought up, I'm no longer scared. I feel okay. I believe it's quite weird, because I never acted in that manner when I was a little girl.
Please, I'm looking for help and seeking answers, but I'm afraid to talk to those around me because I'm terrified that they might throw the Lord in my face. I'm asking for some answers, please.
