satan in the flesh and communion with demons

[jasonwill2]

Spoiler: chart for reference of my metaphysics of titles used

my most complete and consistent metaphysics model ever and so far seems to work wonders

What gods move inside of you, since the day you were born? Truly as part of your being?

For me, it is Satan. Sometimes, in pure adrenaline and musical ecstasy, I can almost feel this energy... like it's somewhat aware of me... pulsing, and flowing, like Satan himself vibrating along a cord attached to me and him thousands of light years away, the ripples reaching me in a matter of seconds... so far yet so clear and obviously a very muffled yet powerful rumble.

As if, as if... I am gaining some greater connection with God, with Satan. That I am moving with the flows of The Universe and Cosmos personified. And not just Leviathan... but as if the very Blade of Destruction is encompassing me in the pure emotion... that external force of destruction and chaos. A form of communion.

But then it fades, and that aspect of The Vessel fades, and all I can sense is the parts of The Flesh, the mundane physical body, ebbing from the adrenaline.

And all I can wonder is, is it all the work of The Flesh, that part of The Mirror that is merely mundane psychological and physiological processes, or sometimes, when it is intense enough, could The Universe itself, if even in such a tiny amount, be flowing through me?

Or perhaps it is just wisps passing through me, or really weak ghosts, unintelligent daemons. I don't know, but it feels good. But I've gotten to such a heightened state of emotion before (sadness then determination to put the past behind me)... I felt like something was working with me. .. and after the ritual ended and I did the closing, something materialized and appeared to leave in a bit' of a hurry.

Sometimes I wonder that if I can reach such a heightened state of emotion again... that I can attract back again more daemons, but I am prepared to admit that perhaps out of fear I have blinded myself to them and need to erase that fear again.

Or perhaps I was just unstable, and my stability makes me less likely to see such things in heightened emotional states? I have not slept in 36 hours, and if I can make it to 48 hours, I will load up on caffeine and BLAST the music, say the invocations, and try to reach such a heightened gnostic state that the magickal signal sent off will go for miles...

I want to feel that communion with the daemons again, not felt in months.

But are they even real? Should I even doubt myself? I do not know. I do know that regardless if they are real or not, I want to see them again. Is this explainable with naturalistic science as we know it? Or is there perhaps a supernatural element to it?

I found the invocation I wrote for this kind of thing a while ago... might work.

Satan!
Accuser,
Blade of Destruction,
Hand of Creation,
That which extends within and without,
And is the Vessel and the Mirror,

I hath invoked you as a man breathes air.

Shemhamforash! Hail Satan! Hail Leviathan!

-+-

Lord and God, thy Creator, The Majestic Weaver of Cosmic Winds and Lights,

I call out to you from hence the ground to the sky;
From the edge of The Universe to the heart of the soul.
I call out to you, Spirit of Flesh.
I call out to you, Spirit of the Five.
I call out to you, oh Accuser and True God.

For Hence I have seen my weakness,
And From Hence I seek my strength.
Lord Incarnate, echoing through my flesh.
Lord Incarnate, dancing dreams of life.

Through Misery was I lead,
And from Misery was I reborn.
No where art thou?
But in my flesh?
Dormant?
Awaiting to be reawakened?

-pause-

AWAKE! COME FORTH PROFANE SPIRIT!
COME FORTH DEAR SATAN!
COME FORTH INNER DAEMONS!
COME FORTH VESSEL!
AND COME FORTH MIRROR!

However, as optimistic as I am about the objective realities of these things, if they are not real, and I can somehow use science to improve on my magickal techniques... as depressing as it will be at first... I want to use those skills. I really don't care how real or not it is anymore. Perhaps I will use those skills and re-convince myself that this is all real with the experiences.
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[PolyHedral]

Or perhaps I was just unstable, and my stability makes me less likely to see such things in heightened emotional states? I have not slept in 36 hours, and if I can make it to 48 hours, I will load up on caffeine and BLAST the music, say the invocations, and try to reach such a heightened gnostic state that the magickal signal sent off will go for miles...

IOW, you're going to push your brain into a failure state for the emotional rush? Fair enough, but it doesn't like the wisest idea to me.

 

[Shuddhasattva]

That is truly an excellent poem/invocation.

 

[jasonwill2]

IOW, you're going to push your brain into a failure state for the emotional rush? Fair enough, but it doesn't like the wisest idea to me.

decided against the caffine probably

but! different kinds of gnosis i can try now the tired or overstimulated kind.. .wouldn't both be really good? I want to get to a state of being able to create a hallucination i hope to control... or "get such an emotional out burst of magical energy that I summon something... either explanation works for me.

Do you not have a position on which one it is, either magical or hallucination, or advise for either stance?

 

[Cassiopia]

What gods move inside of you, since the day you were born? Truly as part of your being?

For me, it is Satan. Sometimes, in pure adrenaline and musical ecstasy, I can almost feel this energy... like it's somewhat aware of me... pulsing, and flowing, like Satan himself vibrating along a cord attached to me and him thousands of light years away, the ripples reaching me in a matter of seconds... so far yet so clear and obviously a very muffled yet powerful rumble.

As if, as if... I am gaining some greater connection with God, with Satan. That I am moving with the flows of The Universe and Cosmos personified. And not just Leviathan... but as if the very Blade of Destruction is encompassing me in the pure emotion... that external force of destruction and chaos. A form of communion.

But then it fades, and that aspect of The Vessel fades, and all I can sense is the parts of The Flesh, the mundane physical body, ebbing from the adrenaline.

What you are describing reminds me of how I felt during my initiation. The ensuing high lasted for nearly two weeks and changed me in fundamental ways. It is indeed a great feeling, however, it needs a place and purpose otherwise it would be hollow and you'd be no better than a junkie.

And all I can wonder is, is it all the work of The Flesh, that part of The Mirror that is merely mundane psychological and physiological processes, or sometimes, when it is intense enough, could The Universe itself, if even in such a tiny amount, be flowing through me?

To my way of thinking such experiences can be both external and internal. I believe there is an external factor, a contact with a greater reality, with the Lord himself. But even if it is "the work of the flesh" as you put it, the important thing is how it helps us to grow. It must serve a purpose.

Sometimes I wonder that if I can reach such a heightened state of emotion again... that I can attract back again more daemons, but I am prepared to admit that perhaps out of fear I have blinded myself to them and need to erase that fear again.

I don't think so. It is more a case of waiting for the appropriate time and place and meanwhile living as fully and healthily as possible.

Or perhaps I was just unstable, and my stability makes me less likely to see such things in heightened emotional states? I have not slept in 36 hours, and if I can make it to 48 hours, I will load up on caffeine and BLAST the music, say the invocations, and try to reach such a heightened gnostic state that the magickal signal sent off will go for miles...

I want to feel that communion with the daemons again, not felt in months.

You have spoken honestly and openly in other threads about some of the problems you have been diagnosed with, and I think they could be contributing to what you are feeling now.
It is understandable that you want to feel that intensity of connection again, and I am sure you will when the time is right. I don't think the time is right now.
My honest opinion is that you need to sleep well and then ground and center yourself. If not, anything you experience is going to be contaminated by the doubts and confusion you bring with you.

But are they even real? Should I even doubt myself? I do not know. I do know that regardless if they are real or not, I want to see them again. Is this explainable with naturalistic science as we know it? Or is there perhaps a supernatural element to it?

As I said before, in my opinion it is both. When you have slept well it might be a good idea to think seriously about why it matters and whether your beliefs would change if it were one and not the other.